G and I were having drinks in Philadelphia at the home of a highly spirited, delightful, wealthy dowager and old friend who’s in her early 80’s. She had just finished reading the Casanova book and criticized us for just mentioning G’s experience with women under water and not on it.
In the book, except for the scene where a ballsy contessa unzipped G’s zipper under the Bridge of Sighs or Ponte di Sospiri in Venice and dabbled with his pecker while tourists looked on, he describes only two scenes with women in water; one in a huge bath tub with a French Canadian woman who poured copious amounts of champagne on him as part of foreplay and the other in the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Coral Gables in Florida. He also has had other under water experiences with about six others which he didn’t write about. G found underwater sex a huge sexual downer disappointment. He says the guy does all the work struggling to stand up and hold his balance while, at the same time, holding the gal firmly by her cheeks- the rear end ones- so she won’t sink while he’s pumping away. She, buoyed by the water, effortlessly spreads her legs around the guy and relaxes with a smile on her face while he does all the work. He said it reminds him of the Tantric and Taoist ladies and how they have all the fun when copulating. For example, in Taoist China, a woman’s vital energy of ch’i needed to be constantly recharged by a man’s sexual energy. Tantra goddesses were all over India where the women gave energy to the man during sexual intercourse. In both of these religions, it’s a sacred duty for the man to hold off his ejaculation for as long as possible- and even to surrender it- while the ladies lay on their backs enjoying multiple orgasms. Those Oriental goddesses, probably created by women or men under their influence, certainly did a great snow job in brainwashing the poor guys. Imagine an American male, as a way of life, feeling guilty for having an orgasm before the woman does. Just imagine!
Getting back to the dowager: She asked him about his amorous experiences on the water on boats. He said he had a few lovely ones on cruises or in cabins of moderate size boats. When he began to describe the scenes she abruptly interrupted him and said, “No! No! I mean on the deck, not in the cabin, or on a row boat or even a canoe without a roof where, for example, you’re on the water with a beautiful sky above you and you can hear the soothing sound of the water and maybe even the surf, if you’re not too far away from the shore. I’m talking about when the beauty of nature romantically adds to the pleasure of love making as it would in the forest.”
G gave me a funny look, and I sensed he was uncomfortable. But then he turned to her and said, “Laura, can I be truthful or should I shut up for you may be disappointed in what I have to say?” With a broad smile she replied, “G, you don’t have to tell me. You’re not a roofless boat assman. Right?” “Not quite, but three episodes jump to mind and there are others with similar outcomes.
“The first was when I had an apartment at Marina Del Rey in California. One of my neighbors, a nice guy, took us- me and my date- out on his boat on a moonlit night. When we arrived in deep water we lowered a raft after which I rowed for a couple of minutes. She puffed on her marijuana weed, and it must have been strong stuff for she undressed and was all over me within a couple of minutes. While on her back she had a tough time finding a comfortable position because of limited space and a hard floor which most of these boats are like. Though they are on water they ain’t, let me tell you, waterbeds! Then the boat began to shake a little and she screamed, “G, it’s a shark! Take me back to the boat!” I happily obeyed and went straight to the cabin to finish the affair. No sharks but just a king size bed.
“The second happened in the Caribbean on a canoe on a beautiful sunny day. Love time had arrived and the lady – by the way, I would rate as extremely sensual so my pipes were steaming hot- lay on her back but she couldn’t get comfortable. She complained but finally found a position that she could handle and I could be able to perform though the positions for both of us were lousy. As soon as I started making vigorous moves the boat began to shake back and forth and she, being afraid, said, “G. you’re going to tip the boat if you keep it up, and I’m not a great swimmer.” And boy was she thankful when I told her we were going back to land. And so was I!
“There’s a very small, private island off the coast of Calabria in Italy with a single restaurant nestled in the side of a hill with lots of trees and shrubs that used to be one of my favorite destinies. On one of my trips I hired a motor boat and took off with a lady who rarely made demands and was comfortable to be with. It was a beautiful day and on the way we consumed a bottle of wine. I anchored the boat and we watched the dolphins leap out of the water beside our boat. And did she look sultry which called for whoopee time. We disrobed and placed the featherless thin as can be pillows we had on the cramped flat hard spaces on the boat. She unsuccessfully squirmed to get into a comfortable position and, evidently her butt hit a protruding bolt and she shouted out, “Ouch!” As our sex ritual was about to begin she- and I’ll never forget those eyes- almost pleaded, ‘G, isn’t this ridiculous? This position is ridiculous particularly when there’s a romantic restaurant waiting for us with wonderful food and wine and a comfortable place to take a nap.’ So up went the anchors and I, happy as a pig in shit, opened the throttle and went full speed ahead toward the island.
“Now I’m testing my memory, but I don’t remember any woman asking me to switch positions with me being on the bottom in order to continue. I, myself, did think of it a couple of times but decided to stay silent for reasons I’m sure you understand.
“Laura, over the years I’ve discussed this sex-roofless- boat scenario with a number of men and, maybe with the exception of a few young bulls, all prefer to make love in a comfortable boat cabin.”
Then naughty Laura, sipping on her beloved champagne periodically during the day as Winston Churchill used to do, surprised the crap out of us. Out of nowhere she said, “G, in the book you discussed detailed ways on which to make love to parts of a woman’s body such as the breast and clitoris but you don’t do it with women’s rear ends. Yes, you discuss it somewhat, but not in detail. As a favor, in your next post I want you to describe in detail how you do or did it.”
The way in which she requested it was a classic female technique which women use and which men find it almost impossible to refuse. Bottom line, she knew G would carry out her wish. G, leaning forward and gently squeezing her forearm, answered, “Your wish is my command.” He paused and then, with a broad challenging smile, asked, “Laura, at your age are you still having sexual fantasies?”
Laura smiled back and remained silent.
DILDOS, VIBRATORS AND A HUGE MARKET OPPORTUNITY FOR ARTIFICIAL VAGINAS BY A CREATIVE TECHNOLOGY ENTREPRENEUR
In order to stay in touch with our fast moving modern world, one thing that I do is to periodically scan multiple television channels concentrating, though not entirely, on the news including conservative and liberal opinion ones. I’m not sure how many channels I have, but they are in the multiple hundreds. Don’t ask me why but last night, for the first time, I scanned the upper channel range and discovered they all deal with old movies. I was about to turn the TV off but decided to click to one more channel and was I surprised! It was a video on the famous Cathouse, a legal house of prostitution in Nevada. One scene was a revelation to me and piqued my curiosity.
One of the ladies said that she and her lady colleagues had to stay sexually stimulated in order to be motivated to service the men. This was news to me. I do have some doubts whether this true in most houses of prostitution, but who knows. Anyway, in order to keep their passions on fire, they heavily depend on dildos and vibrators. Her collection of what seemed like a dozen such erotic devices was displayed. It comprised mostly artificial penises and some vibrators. In addition, she and her colleagues have belts connected to an artificial penis or dildo which they use to copulate with the other ladies of the night and, I would guess, to sodomize them and their men clients. Some men and women enjoy performing oral sex on these dildos. I understand that some preferred the flavored type.
For whatever reason, I became curious about artificial vaginas. I was too curious to watch the finale of the show and went directly to my computer and searched for “artificial vaginas”- and there they were. But I was truly surprised for they were only on a relatively few websites. I thought there would be many more, including life-size lady mannequins.
Speaking of mannequins, here’s an interesting fact: During World War II, Hitler decided to send soft, inflatable female mannequins with vaginas to his troops on the front battlefield lines in order to give them the comfort of a woman’s company and, of course, to enjoy their orgasms. Much to the credit of the German soldiers, they were embarrassed and refused the offer. Also, “Facing the enemy, they would want to fight rather than fuck.”
I called G, and he professed ignorance of the details of the artificial vagina scene. We blamed ourselves for being out of touch with the modern world of sex. So, for educational purposes, we decided to call our male friends and other male contacts and ask them what they knew about artificial vaginas. We spoke to about 20 of them of ages ranging from about 25 to 75. All vaguely knew about their existence, but they not only never used one, but knew of no one who had.
G and I wondered why this humongous potential market had not arrived. Then it suddenly dawned on us. It’s technology. The artificial vaginas, unlike dildos and vibrators, are not functional or consumer friendly enough to make for easy use. Dildos are flexible, very easy to use and do a number of things. They can wiggle like a snake and, at the same time, vibrate both on the clitoris and in the vagina. And, as long as the battery is charged or the wire plugged in, they can perform forever which, according to G, some women love. But G said that there are women who aren’t turned on by vibration dildos. Also, they are also very easy to clean which may be a big problem with an artificial vagina. But, in my opinion, one major advantage is that they are portable! You can put and hide them in a woman’s pocketbook- FYI, men don’t carry pocketbooks- which she can use whenever the occasion calls for it even in a restaurant’s ladies room. G and I have noticed that, unlike men, women are notoriously not comfortable sitting on a public toilet seat and only do number 1 by squatting above it. Doing number 2 is unthinkable because one must be seated to do so or cause a mess. But, if she’s turned- on by her date, she does have the option to be seated and turn on the battery. (By the way, G and I also have noticed that women don’t drink much, if any, water during dinner).
I did a dildo-vibrator search on the Internet and, unlike the handful of artificial vagina websites, the dildo ones seemed infinite! This clearly tells us that the female products are much, much more consumer friendly than artificial vaginas.
Conclusion: Since there is an overwhelming, bullish male orgasm- seeking market, it makes compelling sense that the virtual absence of the artificial vagina market is primarily due to the failure of technology to produce a consumer or male friendly device from portable pocket pussies to big or small breasted but always with tight vaginas, voluptuous, inflatable mannequins.
But my mindset as a physician-scientist makes me wonder if there are also other reasons why men may not be as enthusiastic about making love to an artificial vagina as one would expect. Even assuming that the vagina products are inferior, we all know that males are a horny bunch and would at least purchase substantially more devices than they do, friendly or not. Perhaps it’s in the male psychology that turns them off. I don’t know and both G and I don’t think so, but it’s a point to consider.
There is, however, one fact that’s not debatable which makes the design of an artificial vagina much more complicated than female toys. It involves two steps. First, unlike females, it’s getting a hard-on or, to our international friends, an erection, which is necessary to insert into a vagina- artificial or not! Perhaps the seductive voice of a woman should be part of the device containing a selection of themes for his choosing from teasing to domination or whatever turns on his BGL or Brain Genital Law. Or it can be programmed in his cellphone. Sure, there’s Viagra, but it’s not nearly as stimulating as a woman’s voice and the combination of the two. Second, the vagina then must do its thing such as fit comfortably, be at the right temperature, produce smooth, and rhythmic contractions at different speeds, among others in order to bring the male to climax. It can be portable or large and non-portable. A flexible product line is necessary to meet the demand.
Let me deviate for a moment and explain to you why a properly designed device would be a wonderful gift to my old and dear friend, G. I told this story before but am not sure whether in a previous post or in the book. Over dinner one night I told him of my penis experience as a young doctor. A man came into the emergency room in excruciating pain of his penis. He had a fractured penis of which the most common cause is when a woman sits on the top of a stiff erection and vigorously pumping away which is what happened to him. His urethra was broken and the poor guy couldn’t pee. The only cure for this condition is to ram a catheter into the penis and create a new urethra, an extremely painful experience that any man would not welcome. G had many encounters with women on the top, but after I told him the fractured penis story he was always fearful of the possibility of experiencing the same thing and could never relax and enjoy it. Now with a properly designed artificial vagina he could lie, without fear, on his back, without exerting himself and let himself go!
Getting back to faux vaginas: A friend told me that in Japan there’s an impressive market for “male masturbators.” He says they prefer not to use the term artificial vagina. Evidently, using one of these devices, a man won the world prize by masturbating for almost 10 hours without cardiac resuscitation!
Shakespeare wrote, “What’s in a name. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” So also with a male masturbator: It’s an outright artificial vagina.
During my career I’ve witnessed many new markets blossom into huge money makers. The artificial vagina market is such a potential market. Enrico Fermi, the brilliant Italian physicist and father of the atomic bomb, once asked a question about the existence of extraterrestrial life what is now called the Fermi Paradox. If there are billions of planets in the Universe for billions of years many of which have life forms, he asked, “ If so, where are they?”
I ask, “Regarding the artificial vagina entrepreneurs for Lorenzo Baccalà’s Three P’s Paradox: The Portable Pocket Pussy: Where are they?”
(Personal confession: I never attended a Catholic school but, for reasons down deep in the unknowable caverns of the mind, I became highly interested in Catholicism while in college and my early medical school years. I did a lot of reading- still do- and took selected courses at St. Joseph’s Jesuit College in Philadelphia and eventually became a firm believer in the Catholic faith. It was a once-in-a lifetime experience, and I sorely miss the beauty and strength of it all. But even during my most deeply religious period I did not buy into the argument against oral or other acceptable types of contraception).
Because it appears that the issue of contraception and Catholicism is entering a phase of re-evaluation, I thought it would be helpful to describe its history and other points. Let’s begin by remembering the profound religious spirit of the Catholic Church’s position: It’s based on the love and the sanctity of life. Christ said that God loves each individual and he-she is more important than the entire universe. No matter who you are, it’s tough to deny that this is a wonderful, uplifting belief unless, of course, you wear unbudgeable emotional blinders because of lots of psychological childhood trauma.
Now the Church’s “rationale” holds that some type of “killing of life” is committed by artificially or unnaturally preventing conception with oral contraceptives. The same holds true with condoms and diaphragms, among others. It describes the natural sexual act in four stages: erection, penetration and semination and that which follows- conception. Any interruption of this act is in violation of the natural law.
The theological argument is largely based on a single biblical event and the writings of the early Church fathers. It begins in the Old Testament with Onan in Genesis and then mainly by the opinions of St. Augustine and St. Aquinas. Onan was making love to his brother’s widow and just before ejaculation he pulled out and “spilled his seed on the ground”. For this reason God killed him “because he did a detestable thing”. Catholic and, let’s not forget, other non-Catholic theologians viewed this as punishment for interrupting the natural sexual act which prevented the birth of a potential human being. Maybe they didn’t know or acknowledge what their Jewish colleagues believed. It was a Jewish belief that the brother of his deceased brother is obligated to try to marry and impregnate the widow.
Buying into the “pulling out” argument Augustine wrote, “Relationships with a wife, when conception is deliberately prevented, are unlawful and impure as the conduct of Onan who was slain.” Centuries later St. Aquinas wrote, “Next to murder, by which an actually existent being is destroyed, we rank this sin by which the generation of a human being is prevented.” (Though it bothers me to criticize this brilliant and good man, he did, for certain reasons and not pertinent to this commentary, reluctantly support the need for the profession of prostitution where primitive contraceptive methods were employed).
Since ancient times all kinds of contraceptive and abortifacient methods were used such as dried crocodile dung placed in a vagina suppository, a mixture of olive oil and cedar oil in the vagina, suppositories of cabbage, women drinking sheep’s urine and the one that really makes me think who thought this one up: a woman on her knees and then sneezes. In my notes, however, I have that she must also try to fart. Regarding men, the penis was immersed in onion juice. Condoms were also used made from animal intestines. Shakespeare called them a “Venus glove” and Casanova called them an “Assurance cap”.
Jumping forward to modern times, the Catholic Church, recognizing the obvious need and demand for birth control, came up with the rhythm system. The rhythm system uses the elevation of body temperature and alterations of physical properties of cervical secretions during the menstrual cycle in order to determine when a woman is ovulating and potentially fertile. My personal experience as a young endocrinologist supported by clinical studies is that in tightly controlled, highly motivated marital relationships it is an effective method but requires lots of discipline which many lack. Also, overall conclusions of clinical studies involving all types of folks report that oral contraception is more reliable and practical than the rhythm system.
Whatever your thoughts on the Church’s contraception teachings, it is undeniably founded on the noble sacredness of life. Jesus said that an individual is worth more than the entire Universe. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it were true? Who knows?
But I believe that preventing the joining of a sperm with an egg doesn’t destroy life simply because it doesn’t yet exist. After all, the intent of the rhythm system and even abstinence, though “natural” is to prevent the birth of a child, artificial method or not. The intent is the same. Once, however, the sperm enters the egg- that’s another story.
Attempts at contraception occur in all cultures from Hindus, Muslim to Judaism but none treats it as a serious sin. In fact, Onanism is a long time Muslim practice.
We mustn’t forget we’re in an era where the value of individual human life is being inexorably diminished. The argument against contraception is an effort to maintain the sanctity of life, and if a couple believes in this, God bless them. After all, if you’re reading this post, it’s because your mom and dad did not or forgot to use contraceptives! Something to think about.
To those of you who are not yet familiar with the BGL or Brain Genital Law, it states that, in order to propagate the human race through heterosexual mating and the production of babies, the brain goes overboard and indiscriminately stimulates and arouses the genitals to copulate in all kinds of ways from fetishes to homosexuality. According to the BGL, all such acts are, like heterosexual ones, natural and to be expected. All societies, however, in one way or another, place limits on its free expression such as prohibiting premarital sex, sodomy and homosexuality.
Though I’m sure it exists, I couldn’t find a simple, practical and easy to understand classification of the categories of the complicated world of human sexual behavior. Unlike the precision of mathematics, the dividing lines among the sexual categories are understandably blurred and oftentimes overlap. But we must at least try to bring some clarity where there is currently confusion and understandable ignorance. The following is a proposed classification:
– Changing sexuality
– Solo Sexuality
– Fetish Sexuality
– Pedophilia, Hebephilia and Ephebophilia Sexuality
– Transgenderism Sexuality
Heterosexuality involves straight forward copulation between a man and a woman which is essential to fulfill the evolutionary mandate to propagate the human race. It is by far the most common type among the categories, and, by the way, the reason why we all exist. On the other hand, there are some heterosexuals who sometimes fantasize about making love to someone of the same sex, but never do. Then there are heterosexuals who not only think about it but who have dabbled with same-sex partners, but only on rare or very infrequent occasions.
Bisexuality is the second most common category and is, for some puzzling reason, universally mislabeled as homosexuality. This, in my opinion, is the most rapidly expanding form of human sexual relations in our country but is, for another puzzling reason, hardly addressed as such. Bisexuals copulate with both sexes. Therefore, as with heterosexuals, bisexuals fulfill the mandate to propagate the race.
Homosexuality is not at all as common as we are led to believe. It involves having virtually exclusive sex with same-sex partners over a person’s lifetime. If we stick to this definition, it is the third less common category and doesn’t fulfill the evolutionary mandate to propagate the race. Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, in a laborious and admirable attempt to determine how many American men are homosexual, did not isolate, which is virtually impossible to do, bisexuals from bona fide homosexuals. Indirectly, however, his findings indicate that much of what he has come across deals with bisexuality- not homosexuality! (LINK: “How Many American Men are Gay” NY Times December 8, 2013).
Changing sexuality: To complicate things a man and woman may fall into a different sex category at a point in time. They may start out as a homosexual, then to a bisexual, then to a heterosexual. Over the years I’ve known a few of such couples who now appear to have a stable marriage. Of course, the gender passage can go in the opposite direction where heterosexuals end up with homosexual partners. I’ve also known a few of them.
Fetishes are multiple in types ranging from domination to golden rain to foot-worshiping and are becoming increasingly prevalent among both sexes. There is little information on how often fetishes culminate into a heterosexual act but we can reasonably assume that they are not major players in propagating the human race.
Pedophilia, hebephilia and ephebophilia: (LINK TO PAST POST). Though reliable data are virtually impossible to come by involving adults having sexual relationships with prepubescent children and teens up to the age of nineteen, it is almost certain that they are all increasing due to our rapidly changing sexual values and decreasing parental supervision. Bottom line, they are not a factor in producing new babies.
Solo- Sexuality deals mainly with masturbation and in vitro fertilization. Our exploding rate of masturbation is, in large part, due to the Internet. A man or woman now has access- at the immediate time of desire and without barriers- to Internet porno which provides the whole ball of wax of ways to stimulate the BGL. Masturbation, without the need of studies or surveys to convince the most skeptical of minds, will not propagate the race. In his book, Confessions, the French philosopher, Jean-Jaques Rousseau, openly spoke about his sexual life including his masochism and exhibitionism. I do not share this type of openness. But I can imagine that, if I were young and had readily available to me all BGL stimuli at an instant, I would not be inclined to read Shakespeare’s Hamlet or study Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Regarding in vitro fertilization or IVF, these methods, which are growing in number, will increase baby production but which outcomes will not be known until the future. I would strongly advise that caution on these evolving procedures be taken.
Transgenderism is a very small but rapidly evolving and complicated social-legal category in America. It’s when someone’s BGL tells his or her mind that their body represents the wrong sex. Transgender sex will have minimal impact on the propagation of the human species.
I hope this attempt at sexual classification sheds some light on the complexities of human sexual behavior. I would, however, like to add that I’m particularly intellectually interested in the bursting forth of bisexual behavior. The issue of homosexuality has held national interest based on the controversy of homosexual marriage. But bisexuality is the much larger issue of our changing times.
Much has been written about all kinds of talents which make a man a great lover. The list is long, and there is no specific formula.
Increasingly, there are mentions in the media that one characteristic of a significant percentage of great male lovers is androgyny, which means that a man has so-called feminine qualities such as kindness, tenderness and consideration. Androgynous men are not to be confused with feminine men. The word derives from the Greek word, androgyne, which means a combination of a man and woman. Androgynous men are supposed to have other bisexual characteristics and, not infrequently, are also supposed to have male lovers.
Generally speaking, throughout history the subject of bisexuality has been cited as part of the human condition. (More about this in later posts).
History is loaded with bisexual events even with the gods. Way back in India, the Hindu God and procreator of life, Prajapati, split himself in half into a man and woman. Both halves then copulated with each other in order to produce a child. Also, I remember seeing a 17th century painting of the Roman gods, Mercury and Venus, where their offspring was Siamese- twins connected having both male and female genitalia.
In Betsy Prioleau’s excellent and surprisingly comprehensive book, Swoon, she examines what characteristics make a man a lady killer from way back in history to today. There’s a chapter entitled, Androgyny, along with the quote, “The more feminine the man…the higher the hit rate with the opposite sex.” Her point, and that of many other current writers, is that androgyny is a part of bisexuality. She cites some interesting male examples such as the poet Lord Byron and Socrates’s drinking buddy, Alcibiades. Her apparent favorite deals with the great actor of the past, Gary Cooper- and he was great. She attributes his enormous success as an incomparable ladies’ man to his “ravishing androgyny.” Over his long career, he slept with many a damsel and almost every one of his leading ladies. Women fell all over him to lure him to their lairs. In the movies he was a “real man… with quick fists and nerves of steel. But women saw a different side of him. Six foot three and “more beautiful than any other woman except Garbo,” he merged a feminine sweetness, tenderness, and artistic sensitivity with his masculine swank.” Wow!
Those of you who follow my posts know that I consider the results of studies, surveys and opinions of many experts in the field of sex are not as reliable as those in medicine or physics. That’s not to say I don’t respect them- I do- but they do make me wonder as I do about the androgyny factor.
I decided to bounce the androgyny theory off – you guessed it- G. The following is, with edit, G’s take on androgyny:
“Lorenzo, we both know there is no answer. The most effeminate guys turn women off. It’s the same with the real crude, rough guys. Some lady killers are not androgynous and some are. And, the androgynous pushers are making the questionable assumption that tenderness, consideration and sweetness are mainly in the female personality and are exceptions when found in a man. When a woman comes across a guy with these “feminine characteristics” they are, for some reason, overwhelmed by the unexpected and want to hit the sack with him.
“Honestly speaking, over the years I did have conversations with more than a few of my lady friends about the ingredients which make a man a superior lover, and they did sometimes mention kindness and all the rest. But to repeat, lots of guys are kind and women rate them as masculine duds. And though not recorded as much as their victories, great lovers, androgynous or not, are turned down by lots of women.
“To repeat, there is no specific formula, and it all boils down to whether the guy impacts a woman’s brain neurons- in one way or another. Sex is all about the BGL or Brain Genital Law and how a man and woman connect with their neurotransmitters creating the powerful chemistry of attraction. It’s what the neuropsychiatrist, Louann Brizendine, calls the “brain architect of love.” It’s a combination of factors each suited for different couples. Researchers still don’t get the BGL.
“Now that we’re talking about it, here’s something that more than a few ladies told me about why they were highly attracted to me- Lorenzo, I’m not singing my praises – and which I’ve never read about. It’s unpredictability. They never knew what I would do next which excited them. It was like a sexual adventure with an unknown outcome where they’re going to where they’ve never been before. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that unpredictability is a huge magnet to women’s sexual desires. Some guys have it and some guys don’t.”
Over the years I’ve met and counseled dozens of high school students many of whom are now making more money than I! A couple of days ago I met two of my male and a female “alumni” who are now seniors at three highly regarded universities. For some reason, our conversation turned to the subject of hookingup. It was a learning experience for me, indeed, including the enrichment of my English vocabulary. For example, I now know the meanings of “Friends with benefits” and “Fucking buddies.” The guys had such friends and buddies but the lady did not. I had no reason to doubt their honesty. Bottom line and ostensibly so, hookingup means having sex and orgasms without any other ties, emotional or otherwise. It is becoming increasingly prevalent on university campuses.
Piqued by another “innovative “category of our sexual liberation movement, I decided to do some heavy hookingup homework. Though it is a recent phenomenon, I was surprised to discover that there are some credible surveys (many on sex are not nearly so) characterizing what’s going on. One finding which got me thinking is that this type of sex is trending to oral and anal sex rather than vaginal penetration. Frankly speaking, I’m stumped and would welcome any credible thoughts on the dynamics of this pattern.
I just read a well written review article, In Hookups, Inequality Still Reigns, in, would you believe, the Science Section of the New York Times authored by Natalie Kitroeff. It’s about orgasms! She begins by quoting the frustrations of a young lady who bemoaned the fact that her male “fucking buddy” falls asleep after ejaculation before paying attention to her orgasmic needs. It surprised me that she was surprised. After all, this is what lots of men do.
Ms. Kitroeff, reports on two surveys. The first, led by Justin R. Garcia at Indiana University and researchers at Binghamton University, was conducted on 600 college students. They reported that women were twice as much likely to reach orgasm from vaginal or oral intercourse during serious male- female relationships than in hookup ones.
In the second survey of 24,000 students, it was reported that, during their last hookup, men have twice as many orgasms than women. In contrast, the ladies had far more orgasms in a committed relationship than a hookingup one. This survey lends support to the above mentioned study that the hooked-up clitoris is no match to the hooked-up penis when it comes to orgasms.
I believe that I can safely assume that the vast majority of oldtimer, pre-sexual liberation men and women would not be surprised at the conclusions of these surveys. It is what the wise Catholic theologian, Thomas Aquinas, termed as a “self-evident truth.” But, however, I did momentarily wonder that maybe times had changed. With our rapidly embracing of socially acceptable liberating sex values coupled with modern technology that increasingly allows for safe sex , women might have indeed changed and become more men-like regarding the biologic quest for orgasms.
In two previous posts, I concluded that – now listen to this!- women are different than men when it comes to sex! This was impressively expressed by Robyn, the simpatica waitress at my local Italian restaurant, when she, regarding the differences in volume sex between the sexes, exclaimed, “It’s women. It’s expectations. Women have greater expectations!”. Women view it on a higher emotional level. Another survey reported that women who cheat on their husbands do so because they feel “more appreciated” with their lovers.
I’d like to make a personal observation with respect to marriage and other long-term relationships: Hookingup for both men and women is a training ground for divorce as well as the breakdown of non- marriage long term, man-women cohabitation. It becomes a kind of habit and makes it psychologically easier to cheat.
And cheating will, in a number of ways, lead to great, insupportable emotional stress for both men and women resulting into permanent separation in many. That’s a “self-evident truth.”
Like most things dealing with sex there’s not a great amount of instructive information on the act of cunilingus otherwise known as sucking cunt or twat, ‘going down on it’ and muff-diving. Sure there are videos on the Internet depicting the act even with cameras in the vagina filming the face and actions of the guy doing it. Perhaps they are helpful as a teaching tool but there aren’t, to my knowledge, any credible clinical studies to demonstrate any added or unique benefit.
Yes, there are women who love cunilingus and easily reach climax even when done by an inferior performer.
Yes, there are women who like and are stimulated by it, but cannot reach climax until there is some type of vaginal penetration either with the penis, dildo, vibrator or G’s favorite, fingers.
Yes, there are women who, by stimulating their clitorises, reach climax by masturbation using various methods including having an animal execute the act.
Yes, there are indications that younger women are increasingly turning to cunilingus as the preferred way to reach climax for reasons which are not clear. I’m not aware if that’s true with the older ladies.
Yes, there are significant numbers of women who don’t take to cunilingus- at all!
Yes, there are lots of men who don’t like doing it Maybe because they just don’t like being ‘down there’ like some women are with fellatio. Also, they learned by experience that they turn women off in their attempt probably because of their lack of know- how.
Those of you who follow my posts full well know that I’d contact G and get his take on muff- diving, the term that he prefers because it, according to him, has a broader meaning than cunilingus. I called him and asked him to very briefly describe what he means by muff-diving. As usual, he burst into laughter when I presented him with a complicated sex question.
“Lorenzo, in our Casanova book I described the ‘art’ of muff- diving in great detail. It’s involves much more sophistication than what is generally considered as cunilingus. Though I don’t know all the facts, I’m pretty sure that oftentimes ‘going down on it’ or cunilingus is done when the hormone levels are high, and it doesn’t take much to bring a woman to climax by a simple act. And there are all kinds of uncomplicated situations where this successfully happens. And I’m all for them. Life is complicated enough.
“But my experience is complicated and deals mostly with mature, attractive and mostly intelligent women in a single, prolonged encounter where women first experience my way of muff-diving. I’m not bragging when I say it is- or at least used to be- performed on a very high artistic level. To me, the entire combination of what a man does when performing cunilingus is the greatest art form in love making. It’s as much mental as physical. Maybe more mental for it depends on a woman’s mind and how you open up her doors of sexual receptivity. Let’s not forget, that a woman’s mind, even during the act of sex, is much more psychological than a man’s. It’s greater expectations again!
“Now, Lorenzo, I’m going to sound like you and clinically very briefly describe my style. As I said in the book, there are two parts which are intertwined and going on at the same time. The first is how you position your face against the vulva, and the second is everything else you do. I cannot emphasize how critical the first part is. Your face must, in a real sense, become biologically one with the vulva. When that happens a woman becomes immediately receptive and everything else you do to increase her arousal state is tremendously enhanced. Regarding the second part, the first principal is to proceed slowly- and I mean, slowly. This, of course, applies to the first part.
“I said it before, and I’ll say it again. My style of muff-diving is one of many other successful ones. It’s reserved for special, attractive, intelligent women on special high-level sexual encounters.”
It was evident that G had concluded his very brief description, so I decided to ask one last question. “G, any last thoughts?”
After a pause, he answered, “Lorenzo, I’m going to put on two hats- one as a businessman and the other as a social philosopher. There’s a huge market opportunity to create a franchise or chain like McDonald’s or Toys R Us to teach men and women the art of sophisticated love-making only. On the other hand, sex can warm up your home or burn it down, and it’s burning down lots of homes these days. Do we want more of it?”
Pedophilia is Often Times not Pedophilia And The Oncoming of Adult Sexual Relationships with Non- Adults
Many cases which are labeled pedophilia are mislabeled. Why this is so is not clear but the media play a prominent role for their sources of information responding to those authorities who incorrectly label cases as pedophilia.
The standard classification of adults having sex with non- adults falls generally under three categories:
– Pedophilia: When an adult is aroused by and carries out some type of sexual act with a prepubescent child.
– Hebephilia: The same but within the approximate ages of 11-14.
– Ephebophilia: The same but within the approximate ages of 15-19.
The DSM, The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, classifies pedophilia as a mental disorder but not the other two. It is interesting to note that the American Association of Psychiatry and Law held a survey on its members regarding hebephilia. Only 2 out of the 33 believed that it should be classified as a mental disorder which clearly sends out a message of our rapidly broadening of acceptable sexual values.
Regarding the general adult versus children-teen sexual relationships and, in spirit, supporting the votes of the 31, some ethicists have now coined the term “intergenerational intimacy” which is a tacit approval of such relationships.
The reasons I wrote this post are twofold: the first is for educational purposes- particularly to moms and dads- regarding the misleading use of the term “pedophilia”, and the second is to alert you that pedophilia, hebephillia and ephebophilia are most likely on the rise and becoming increasingly but subliminally acceptable.
As we all know sexual freedom in general is booming and much that was frowned upon only a couple of decades ago is becoming commonplace. To be sure males and females in their teens are much more sexually sophisticated than our previous generations. For instance, many today would consider a 16 year female mature enough to have sex with a 21 year old male quite acceptable but not yet with a 60 year old one but may be so shortly. Or, since we have embraced homosexual marriage, how about a 14 year old male shacking or hooking up with a 30 year old one? Not yet, but may be shortly.
A broad variety of such sexual relationships will inevitably continue to rise. The lines of acceptability are blurring and is, because of this, leading to a wider acceptance of adult-non-adult sexual interfaces.
Only time will tell how far this is going and what impact it will have on the young and, particularly, the very young.
There’s so much written about men and sex that’s not reliable so I decided to go directly to the horse’s mouth and asked G about his advice to men, as I did in a previous post on advice to women on how to be a good lover. (Periodically, I remind readers that he’s the guy I interviewed in my book, The Man Who Made Love to More Women than Casanova).
His initial response? Bursting out in laughter, he said, “It’s an extremely complicated question because there are so many variables. What do we mean by a lover? For a night? An occasional rendezvous? A single versus married person? Tired working parents with children? What age groups? What degree of horniness? And so on and so forth. But, as I said in the women post, I’m interested in high level sex, and this is what I’ll talk about. There’s nothing like it! ”
Then he emphasized what we discussed in the book. He claims that, generally speaking, both men and women are not good lovers. I asked him, “I appreciate your credentials about women but what do you base your opinion on about men?”
“Good question. During my personal experiences with hundreds of women many of them told me about their sexual experiences with men, oftentimes in detail. Maybe it’s different today, but I don’t think so. Basic instincts don’t change.”
“So, G, you must think that it’s a genetic factor, and it’s hopeless.”
G paused, and I could hear him puffing on his pipe. “Look, Lorenzo, to repeat, my sexual encounters were on a very high level with fairly high, top- of- the- line ladies. It usually involved dinner, drinks and engaging in enjoyable and stimulating conversation before we entered my suite. I did not book rooms for suites are much more effective in making a woman relax. If you’re not at home with your wife, I would strongly recommend this. Don’t ask me why. As I also mentioned in the book, the more beautiful, intelligent and attractive a woman, the more effort was required to bring her to climax. This usually means more suggestive talk, wine and sometimes other light stimulants, if you know what I mean.”
G suddenly stopped and said, “I can go on and on but I guess you want some simple guidelines. Right?”
He puffed away again and then said, “I want to repeat that there are lots of ways to have satisfying sexcapades, but here are a few of my personal basic guidelines for a man if, of course, he wants to become a good lover. I’m not sure many want to be because it takes lots of effort which can sometimes boomerang where the woman becomes disinterested or, as we say in the vernacular, ‘turned off.’ Let’s not forget that, if you think about it, it’s much, much easier for a woman to turn on a man than vice versa and, therefore, requires greater skill. Also, I hate to keep repeating myself, but there are all kinds of exceptions
“Anyway, before whoopee time you’ve got to talk to the woman about herself. I cannot stress this enough for it’s the door opener. Let me tell you it can be a beautiful experience. I didn’t have to develop this habit because it comes naturally to me. If it doesn’t come natural to you, make a conscious effort to learn about and enjoy your woman. The first step is, for God’s sake, don’t talk about yourself too much. I hardly ever did because, frankly speaking, I find talking about myself rather boring. Be a sincere listener. Yes, I know that the ‘thing’ today is for men and women to talk about themselves and exchange experiences. Sure, it can be nice, but a talented male lover doesn’t do that. For the record, I’ll just add that there are exceptions to every rule- and I mean that.
“When whoopee time arrives, concentrate entirely on the woman until she comes to climax. Forget about yourself for the initial phase of good lovemaking to a woman should largely be a selfless act. I don’t give a shit what anyone says. What I read today coupled with my growing experience with modern women tells me that they are under a hell of a lot more stress than men.
“Before I forget, the belief that the perfect mating scene should be when both lovers have orgasms at the same time is a beautiful and romantic concept but only reserved for a few. To achieve this takes a hell of a lot of concentration which detracts from the pleasure of love-making. But to repeat, if it works, go for it.
“It’s critical to understand, at least in my experience and what my lady friends told me, that women’s post-orgasm energy levels are substantially different between the sexes. A man’s energy is usually spent, and he just wants to relax while a woman’s energy levels remain in almost full force. If a woman realizes that a man-made an obvious selfless effort to make her happy, particularly if it was successful, she’ll, because of her female natural instincts of giving, go out of her way to return the favor by being genuinely selfless trying to please the man. That’s the beautiful nature of women.
“Lorenzo, before I go on, let me dictate this poem to add to your post. It was written way back in Sumerian days, our earliest civilization, by the goddess, Inanna. It deals with her sensual sexual encounter with the shepherd, Dumuzi. To arouse the guy it’s written that, ‘When she leaned back against the apple tree, her vulva was wondrous to behold.’”
‘He shaped my loins with his fair hands,
The shepherd Dumuzi filled my lap with cream and milk,
He stroked my pubic hair,
He watered my womb.
He laid his hands on my vulva.
He caressed me on the bed.”
“Bridegroom, let me caress you,
My precious caress is more savory than honey,
Let us enjoy your godly beauty,
Lion, let me caress you,
My precious caress is more savory than honey.’
“This may be the earliest document which confirms my belief that a woman’s pleasure should be first and a man’s second!
“ Back to my advice: Always start out slowly- and I mean slowly- even if she’s in a hurry. Lorenzo, you’ll notice in my interviews I always emphasize that based on my experience it’s the best way to maximize the brief ecstatic, pleasures of orgasms. Most of my lady friends told me that men move too quickly in love-making. Plato called the erection phase a state of ‘Divine madness’ so I understand the hurry. But a man must discipline himself. I almost always kept my activity at a measured, slow pace until pre-climax time. Now here’s the greater challenge and more difficult: In my experience, fantasy talk is really the key factor which can change a routine orgasm into a humongous one. Sex begins and ends in the brain and not the genitals. Remember the BGL (LINK TO BGL SUMMARY)? But, as I said many times before, the problem is that very few men and women are good at fantasy talk. A not too complicated way to handle this is just to coax the woman, be it in a command or in an encouraging tone of voice, to imagine the fantasy that turns her on the most. In my experience their fantasies are frequently related to some form of domination or betrayal and other out- of -control events. You don’t have to wait until disrobing time to get a good hint. Many times I found out during relaxed, dinner time discussions. An example with a married woman would be her fantasizing about her being in the married couple’s bed alone with her husband’s best friend. An example with a single woman would be to ask her what woman she most sexually attracted to and would like to be with her alone or with her boyfriend. There are many other type fantasies, which, to repeat, you may discover during dinner or drinks. If you elicit favorable initial responses, keep probing with other questions. Of course, the woman may not respond at all, so just back off and play it by ear.
“But, as I said in my previous posts to potential women lovers, a man better be sincere about this or be a superb con artist for if a woman detects that-and they are superb at this and much better than men- you’re faking it, her hormone level will immediately- and I mean immediately-shut down, and the party is over for the night, no matter what a man does. Sure she might go on but will want to get out of the sack in a hurry by faking orgasms. A number of my lady friends told me that happened with them.”
“G, this may be an embarrassing question but did this ever happen to you?”
“You bet. It happened only once, and I’ll never forget it. I haven’t the slightest idea why it happened, but I blamed it on myself.”
“How did you know for sure that it happened?”
“Just take my word for it.
“That’s about it, Lorenzo.”
“One more question. How many times will it take a man to acquire these lover skills?”
G didn’t hesitate. “If his heart is in it, and if he has at least a modicum of the natural basic instincts and he works at it, and above all, enjoys the woman he’s with, I would say about three. The same holds true if he’s a superb con artist. But as with female con artists, it isn’t the same unless your objective is to please a woman for other reasons than sexual pleasure. And such reasons exist.”
“G, any final advice to men?”
“You bet! Now I want to re-emphasize I’m talking about high level sexual encounters. Most are not that way. My advice is the same for both men and women but usually at different times during the sex act. At the right time take Casanova’s advice.”
“And what’s that, G?”
“Be the flame and not the moth!”