I called G the other day to discuss what would be the subject of the next post. Mamma mia, was he pissed off. When I asked him what was the problem, he barked out, “Cialis!” I hesitated to ask, but changed my mind. “Didn’t it work?” Because of his wonderful sense of humor, his mood abruptly changed, and he burst out laughing and answered, “Even if it were true, I wouldn’t tell you. No, I’m watching a Cialis ad, and it’s full of shit!”
He went on to explain how Cialis and Viagra ads are big time misleading and the men and women actually believe the message which is reflected in their impressive sales. “Look, the men and women in the ads are usually in their upper fifties to early sixties and are usually better looking than most Americans. The women look at the guys with a big smile as if they are as they happy as can be and can’t wait to hit the sack to be penetrated again. Lorenzo, it’s all bullshit. Any man or woman who has been around the bedroom also knows that as women get older their interest in sex decreases. The same holds true for men but to a much lesser degree. In order to keep their men happy they just take the supine position, spread their legs and many times can’t wait to get it over with. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s normal! I remember my uncle had to have sex every night, and they weren’t quickies. He was a real stickman. My poor aunt developed an ingenious strategy on how to handle nightly intrusion. She waited until she was sleepy before hitting the sack. Shortly after the action began, she would fall asleep. Tough for me to picture, but women are women.
“But here’s what bugs the crap out of me. The man gets the blame in these ads when, in real life, it’s the woman who is just not that interested in the majority of times. Look, like the penis, the clitoris has erectile tissue and, therefore, there’s clitoral dysfunction. A woman is the honey and a man a “horny bee”, and a woman knows it. ”
“G, what’s your personal experience having met and been with hundreds of women from all over the place?”
“Not many were in the age category that we’re talking about, but even some of the younger ones who had young boyfriends told me that the guys didn’t turn them on while others guys did, even though they didn’t necessarily have sex with other men. Before I answer your question, I believe in one of our previous posts I talked about a wonderful dinner date I had with an 84 year- old charming lady when part of our dinner conversation dealt with modern sex issues. Let me first mention that I knew her when she was young and beautiful. and sensual which, in my experience, most beautiful women are not. When she was young, people called her beautiful. When she was in her sixties, they said she ‘still’ was beautiful. When she hit her mid-seventies, they would say, ‘she must have been’ beautiful.’ For some reason, this pissed her off. I guess it’s hard for a woman to lose the gift of beauty-or is it a curse? The great philosopher, Aristotle, once said, ‘Beauty is far more effective than the best letter of recommendation’, though sometimes the women have to pay some type of price. Anyway, when she was in her late ‘beautiful’ phase, her long time boyfriend was a very famous national celebrity and, even today, many still remember him. I knew him well, and, he was a good guy. Though he was not bad looking she had clitoral dysfunction with him and never came to climax. She, as many women do well, faked it. But, what might seem inconceivable today, she remained faithful to him up to his death. I don’t care what anyone says, there’s something about this that’s on a high level of human behavior.
“Now getting back to your question: as I mentioned in the Casanova book, generally speaking, I much prefer to have a conversation with women over men and also prefer to do most of the listening. Their minds cover much broader territories of life, and I learn a heck of a lot about life. Lorenzo, I don’t keep score regarding my love life, but I remember well enough of them when we talked about their love lives and the problems they had with their men. Though they said they loved them, they didn’t enjoy having sex with them and faked their orgasms. Whether it was due to erectile or clitoral dysfunction , no one can know.
“But what I do know is that, if younger and sexually attractive women were in the bedrooms of those guys in the erectile dysfunction ads- now, ladies, you may not like this- they would throw those pills in the toilet bowl, flush them down,,and they would be happy as hell and stand tall.
“ Lorenzo, you’re the expert on this. What’s the true story on how these pills affect a man’s sexual desires and performance?”
“G, that’s the subject of another post. It all depends.”
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average age of Americans who lose their virginities (defined here as vaginal sexual intercourse) is 17.1 for both men and women. The CDC also reports that virgins make up 12.3 percent of females and 14.3 percent of males aged 20 to 24. That number drops below 5 percent for both male and female virgins aged 25 to 29 and goes as low as 0.3 percent for virgins aged 40 to 44.
I found these interesting facts published in an article in March issue of The Atlantic, “On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss” by JonFortenbury. The author reports “those who don’t have sex during their teen years are in the minority, but the reasons for – and effects of – waiting differ for everyone. Of course the CDC statistics only represent heterosexual penile-vaginal sex. The question of “what is virginity?” obviously has a different answer in the LGBT community. And straight people, too, sometimes feel that oral or anal sex counts as virginity loss. Still, the most common definition of virginity loss is penile-vaginal intercourse, as Planned Parenthood points out on its website.”
Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky gave a whole new meaning to “having sex” that had a memorable historic impact. Monica is back in the headlines this week reminding us of her sexcapades with the President as a 19 year old White House intern. She is speaking out against bullying by the media and trying to help others. According to Bill, “he did not have sex with that woman”, so perhaps she was still a virgin. Sadly for Monica, her last name became synonymous with the sexual act of fellatio. WOR’s Mark Simone takes us down a Monica Memory Lane by posting Bill’s famous video interrogation about sex on his website.
The Atlantic article continues “Statistically, if you didn’t have sex in your teen years, you’re in the minority. But most people I asked in my unscientific poll felt virginity loss wasn’t “late” if the person was still college-aged. Many thought 25 was the first late age. One friend told me that for secular people, “late” is 20 and older, and for religious people, 40 and older. The popular 1999 film American Pie suggests that late is freshman year of college. And the character Jess (played by Zooey Deschanel) on New Girl stated in a flashback in a recent episode, ‘In three years, I’ll be 25. I can’t rent my first car as a virgin. They’ll know’.”
For better or worse, there is a difference between the sexes and the experience of losing one’s virginity. I do not have a daughter. My son is in his early 20’s and I have shared many anxiety fraught conversations with mothers of girls on the other side of puberty. Loss of virginity in high school was common place for both sexes. Raging hormones, peer pressure, alcohol and sometimes drugs or perhaps just for fun played a role in the loss of virginity. Some were in relationships and others had multiple partners. Often the girls were more aggressive than the boys, particularly when they entered college. Access to birth control was easy. Many of the moms confided they wanted to be sure their daughters had access to the pill for fear of unplanned pregnancy. When this particular age group continued to college as freshmen in 2010, sex was just a regular routine for most – like a good movie or a tasty meal.
I do know a handful of young women in different parts of the country who entered their freshman year of college as virgins. Some were ashamed of their sexual status to the point it made me think of Hester Prynne in Nathanial Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. Instead of Hester’s scarlet A for adultery in puritanical times, they are burdened with a shameful V for virgin in contemporary times.
During my 90 year old mother’s generation virginity was considered a treasure sacredly saved for marriage. When the pill arrived in the 70s, many college women took advantage of that revolutionary safety net for the fear of pregnancy was gone and replaced the virtue of virginity.
Now it seems you are considered a bit of a freak if you are still a virgin in college. I personally know of a few sweet girls who were very studious and doing well their freshman year, with one exception – they were virgins. Unfortunately, privacy is a thing of the past and sex is a hot topic to be discussed openly in groups of peers or on social media. So everyone knew. These young ladies of 18 were determined to shed their shameful “V” status, despite the fact that they had no boyfriend in the picture or a raging libido. It was a “first” to get over with – like trying an exotic food or riding a bike! I wonder what their own advice will be to their daughters or sons years from now. My advice to any remaining virgins, or single women in general, is to cherish your privacy and carefully select your experiences, for they will last a lifetime!
On the lighter side, I recommend watching the new television series “Jane: The Virgin” on WPIX. It is the story of Jane, a young Hispanic girl, who has tried to do everything right in her life from studying hard to become a teacher to remaining a virgin until she marries her boyfriend of two years. She tries to overcompensate for her mother, who had an unplanned pregnancy at age 16, and never revealed the father’s identity. She chose to have her baby (Jane) and raise her with her abuela‘s or grandmother’s help. Jane’s abuela is very old world Spanish and passionately lectures her granddaughter at a very young age on the importance of remaining a virgin until marriage.
One day Jane goes to her doctor for a routine PAP smear and patient records get mixed up. She fatefully receives artificial insemination instead and soon discovers, much to her surprise, she is a pregnant virgin! Her mother believes her lament that she is still a virgin and falls to her knees to thank God for La Immaculata, the virgin birth. Chaos ensues within the family. There is a developing story about the donor father, who didn’t know his frozen sperm was defrosted by his scheming unfaithful wife, who got the PAP smear meant for Jane.
All sorts of issues, both serious and entertaining, are raised. I recommend you tune in to watch these episodes on demand and follow the story. There is humor and pathos and lessons to be learned. I predict Jane will have the baby and still remain a virgin until she marries!
While searching for a picture to highlight this post, I came across this wonderful poem by Robert Herrick for your reading pleasure!
TO THE VIRGINS, TO MAKE MUCH OF TIME.
by Robert Herrick
GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.
That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry:
For having lost but once your prime
You may forever tarry.
In my old poetry book which I periodically read, I came upon a Walt Whitman poem, A Woman Waits for Me, which was part of a collection of poems called Leaves of Grass and which I had never read. Many of you probably never heard of the guy, but he was wildly popular American poet who, in those very conservative days, dared to write about sex, particularly regarding women, and was even considered by some as a pornographer. He’s still widely read.
Frankly speaking, the guy rates women on the level of Greek and Roman goddesses- even higher- which makes me wonder why. Women are perfect and a man must look forward to them- and not vice versa- to come to the perfect life. And having great sex was key to arrive at that state of perfection.
I called G, and he was well aware of the poem and of Whitman’s sex life. He said that the facts about his sex life are not clear except for one; he certainly was not a man whore or a ladies man, not even close. Some historians believe he was both homosexual and bisexual. Oscar Wilde, the famous British literary figure and controversial homosexual- he was imprisoned for being one- mentioned that he still could feel the lips of Whitman’s kiss after he returned to his country.
Anyway, what drove the man to rate women with Nirvana remains a mystery.
A Woman Waits for Me
|A WOMAN waits for me—she contains all, nothing is lacking,|
|Yet all were lacking, if sex were lacking, or if the moisture of the right man were lacking.|
|Sex contains all,|
|Bodies, Souls, meanings, proofs, purities, delicacies, results, promulgations,|
|Songs, commands, health, pride, the maternal mystery, the seminal milk;||5|
|All hopes, benefactions, bestowals,|
|All the passions, loves, beauties, delights of the earth,|
|All the governments, judges, gods, follow’d persons of the earth,|
|These are contain’d in sex, as parts of itself, and justifications of itself.|
|Without shame the man I like knows and avows the deliciousness of his sex,||10|
|Without shame the woman I like knows and avows hers.|
|Now I will dismiss myself from impassive women,|
|I will go stay with her who waits for me, and with those women that are warm-blooded and sufficient for me;|
|I see that they understand me, and do not deny me;|
|I see that they are worthy of me—I will be the robust husband of those women.||15|
|They are not one jot less than I am,|
|They are tann’d in the face by shining suns and blowing winds,|
|Their flesh has the old divine suppleness and strength,|
|They know how to swim, row, ride, wrestle, shoot, run, strike, retreat, advance, resist, defend themselves,|
|They are ultimate in their own right—they are calm, clear, well-possess’d of themselves.||20|
G and I recently read an article about the classic, unforgettable faking-orgasm, dinner scene in the movie, When Harry Met Sally (1989), starring Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal. He thinks he’s a great lover but Ryan reminds him that women are expert at faking orgasms, and many could have faked them in order to please him which, of course, he stubbornly refuses to believe. To prove her point, she puts on a legendary convincing faking -orgasm performance which, between you and me, was so good that I thought she was enjoying herself so much that it was the real thing! But that’s another story.
The talented director, Rob Reiner, in an attempt to coach Ryan on how to portray the scene, acted out a faking –orgasm moment and, according to Ryan, he worked up a mighty sweat doing it. Maybe he, like Ryan, may have enjoyed it, if you know what I mean. But that’s also another story!
But here’s a delightful, impromptu event. Reiner’s mother, Estelle, was in the movie playing the role of a diner sitting at the next table. After Ryan performed her orgasm scene, she suggested to her son that she should say, “I’ll have what she’s having.” And her son agreed after which it went viral even to this day it is talked about among those older than our Millennials.
Reiner, with his innate sense of humor remarked, “How sick is this? I’m doing this in front of my mother.”
Anyway, this article got G and me talking about our thoughts on both sexes faking orgasms. Most of what is written and discussed deals with women doing it. We concluded that it’s probably due to the fact, for whatever reasons, it is more common with women because women have more reasons for faking it. Also, it’s easier for them to do because they don’t ejaculate like men. For sure, the wearing of a condom makes it easier for men but many don’t wear them, particularly since many women are on oral contraceptives. Also, most men don’t use them with women past the child-bearing age. Surveys report that condom- less men also fake orgasms and supposedly get away with it. It’s puzzling how. Here’s another fact that’s puzzling. It’s the erection. In many men who lose interest, it disappears! So how can they fake it?
G and I both strongly believe that the art of faking orgasms lightens the burden of life, particularly for women. This point has unforgivingly been absent from the professional and lay media. Our lives are being effectively inundated with way overrated messages about the wonders of sex. It’s as if your phantasies should be fulfilled every time you copulate. It just ain’t so. Not even close. Many times one partner, either the man or the woman, have no interest in copulating or indulging in other types of sexual acts. Even if they do, they quickly get it over with after their happy moment searching for immediate peace and quiet.
The reasons behind faking orgasms are multiple most boiling down to “just not being in the mood” but oftentimes just wanting to please the partner. Commonly, particularly in married and working women, they’re just plain tired or under stress worrying about problems regarding their kids at school or financial obligations or the pain- in- the- ass boss at work. Also, many are not turned on by their partners at that or any moment or, as I mentioned before, not that interested in sex in general, an underappreciated but common feeling. There are, of course, other reasons that you ladies and gentlemen are well aware of and need no explanation from G and me!
Now to faking it, and why, in many cases, it’s essential: We are assuming that, except for the powerfully hormone driven young, most men and women would like to please their lovers. Driven by our sexual revolution, American young males remind us of the American bison commonly incorrectly called a buffalo. A couple of months before mating, the bison has a huge sexual surge in his testosterone and urge to copulate but the females in the herd are not yet ready to accept penile insertion. He, out there in the plains, wants to eliminate competition so he fights other male bisons, sometimes even to the death and loses much of his body weight in doing so. Then, when he senses that the lady bison is in heat, he somehow locates her in the herd, mounts her and strokes away for only 15 seconds to have his happy moment after which he walks away forever! Such is the immense power of the young male sex drive.
So what’s our point? Unless one is a bison there is a lot of psychology in having an orgasm. Though there are little good clinical data on this subject, common sense and experience tells us that most men and women, in addition to their personal pleasure and deep down feelings, want to share sexual intercourse with their mates. And many times the best way to accomplish this altruistic goal is by faking orgasms! It’s nothing more than a “white lie” which oftentimes makes life easier.
As I was about to post this piece, I thought whether G had experiences with women faking orgasms. I also thought that he, with his track record of pleasing about 300 women, would be, like Billy Crystal, and deny that it could possibly happen to a man who made love to more women than Casanova.
The first response I elicited from him after asking the question was a hearty burst of laughter. “Sure it happened. I may be good but I ain’t that good.” He wholeheartedly agrees that the white-lie art of faking orgasms, in many cases, can make for a more harmonious sex life.
When the temperature goes down, does your sex drive go up?
When the snow piles up to your door, are you in the mood for amour?
How does the thermometer affect lust and your libido?
What are the peak months for sex and the sperm – egg rendezvous?
Is it Winter, Summer or Fall,
Or like the I Love Paris song, is Springtime best of all?
Have some family fun with conception calculations,
Just subtract the number 9 from the your date of birth
To learn if your parents were cuddling in polar parkas,
Building castles in the sand or raking leaves with mirth!
Polar Vortex Number Four will hit the East Coast this Sunday,
March may come in like a lion,
But November may see lots of newborn babies crying!
I was born the end of January,
When my father was in the Navy,
He couldn’t be there for my birth,
Which my mom says drove him crazy.
I was six months old when we first met that July,
My sister was born nine months later on a sunny day in May.
Dad had written to the President for a special leave,
To see his second daughter’s birth, they gave him a reprieve.
The Navy, not the weather, controlled the dates of our conception.
My baby brother, however, was the family exception.
Santa’s Christmas countdown began two years later in December,
His August birth at 11 pounds was a record breaking weight to remember!
So take the month you were born dressed in blue or pink,
Subtract 9 to find your conception date,
Please let me know what you think.
I hope you are prepared for the Polar problems on the horizon,
Light your fireplace and warm up your libido as temperatures drop outside,
Vortex sex could be a fun roller coaster you might like to ride!
“Sex is like snow – you never know how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last!”