G and I recently read an article about the classic, unforgettable faking-orgasm, dinner scene in the movie, When Harry Met Sally (1989), starring Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal. He thinks he’s a great lover but Ryan reminds him that women are expert at faking orgasms, and many could have faked them in order to please him which, of course, he stubbornly refuses to believe. To prove her point, she puts on a legendary convincing faking -orgasm performance which, between you and me, was so good that I thought she was enjoying herself so much that it was the real thing! But that’s another story.
The talented director, Rob Reiner, in an attempt to coach Ryan on how to portray the scene, acted out a faking –orgasm moment and, according to Ryan, he worked up a mighty sweat doing it. Maybe he, like Ryan, may have enjoyed it, if you know what I mean. But that’s also another story!
But here’s a delightful, impromptu event. Reiner’s mother, Estelle, was in the movie playing the role of a diner sitting at the next table. After Ryan performed her orgasm scene, she suggested to her son that she should say, “I’ll have what she’s having.” And her son agreed after which it went viral even to this day it is talked about among those older than our Millennials.
Reiner, with his innate sense of humor remarked, “How sick is this? I’m doing this in front of my mother.”
Anyway, this article got G and me talking about our thoughts on both sexes faking orgasms. Most of what is written and discussed deals with women doing it. We concluded that it’s probably due to the fact, for whatever reasons, it is more common with women because women have more reasons for faking it. Also, it’s easier for them to do because they don’t ejaculate like men. For sure, the wearing of a condom makes it easier for men but many don’t wear them, particularly since many women are on oral contraceptives. Also, most men don’t use them with women past the child-bearing age. Surveys report that condom- less men also fake orgasms and supposedly get away with it. It’s puzzling how. Here’s another fact that’s puzzling. It’s the erection. In many men who lose interest, it disappears! So how can they fake it?
G and I both strongly believe that the art of faking orgasms lightens the burden of life, particularly for women. This point has unforgivingly been absent from the professional and lay media. Our lives are being effectively inundated with way overrated messages about the wonders of sex. It’s as if your phantasies should be fulfilled every time you copulate. It just ain’t so. Not even close. Many times one partner, either the man or the woman, have no interest in copulating or indulging in other types of sexual acts. Even if they do, they quickly get it over with after their happy moment searching for immediate peace and quiet.
The reasons behind faking orgasms are multiple most boiling down to “just not being in the mood” but oftentimes just wanting to please the partner. Commonly, particularly in married and working women, they’re just plain tired or under stress worrying about problems regarding their kids at school or financial obligations or the pain- in- the- ass boss at work. Also, many are not turned on by their partners at that or any moment or, as I mentioned before, not that interested in sex in general, an underappreciated but common feeling. There are, of course, other reasons that you ladies and gentlemen are well aware of and need no explanation from G and me!
Now to faking it, and why, in many cases, it’s essential: We are assuming that, except for the powerfully hormone driven young, most men and women would like to please their lovers. Driven by our sexual revolution, American young males remind us of the American bison commonly incorrectly called a buffalo. A couple of months before mating, the bison has a huge sexual surge in his testosterone and urge to copulate but the females in the herd are not yet ready to accept penile insertion. He, out there in the plains, wants to eliminate competition so he fights other male bisons, sometimes even to the death and loses much of his body weight in doing so. Then, when he senses that the lady bison is in heat, he somehow locates her in the herd, mounts her and strokes away for only 15 seconds to have his happy moment after which he walks away forever! Such is the immense power of the young male sex drive.
So what’s our point? Unless one is a bison there is a lot of psychology in having an orgasm. Though there are little good clinical data on this subject, common sense and experience tells us that most men and women, in addition to their personal pleasure and deep down feelings, want to share sexual intercourse with their mates. And many times the best way to accomplish this altruistic goal is by faking orgasms! It’s nothing more than a “white lie” which oftentimes makes life easier.
As I was about to post this piece, I thought whether G had experiences with women faking orgasms. I also thought that he, with his track record of pleasing about 300 women, would be, like Billy Crystal, and deny that it could possibly happen to a man who made love to more women than Casanova.
The first response I elicited from him after asking the question was a hearty burst of laughter. “Sure it happened. I may be good but I ain’t that good.” He wholeheartedly agrees that the white-lie art of faking orgasms, in many cases, can make for a more harmonious sex life.
I would like to thank Lorenzo for his kind invitation to periodically share my point of view on his provocative blog. I quickly agreed under the condition that I, like “G”, would remain anonymous. Not because I, like “G”, have had 300 lovers, but just to write more freely behind an invisible cloak.
I love the idea of being anonymous! As a little girl, I would try on the slippers of Cinderella or the tiara of a princess and happily disappear behind these imaginative disguises for hours before returning to reality.
Why did I choose the pen name of Endorfina? When I was in my early 20’s, I met an authentic Italian count at a cocktail party in an ancient Italian castle. He was tall, dark and dramatically draped in an impressive black cape. I was introduced by my real name, but he quickly replied, “No, I am going to call you Endorfina!” A bit confused I asked, “Perche?” With seductive charm he explained that I was a simpatica bella bionda which brought to his mind endorphins, the neurotransmitters in the brain responsible for decreasing pain and suffering as well increasing pleasure. He was a romantic scientist, and I was taken by the romantic compliment. He was also a strikingly handsome Italian!
And so, as Endorfina, I will write and wonder about what’s going on in the world of sex and love today. I am a happily divorced single mom who remains idealistic about romance. I am amazed by all of the mind-boggling options available for dating and sex today. I am learning a lot from Lorenzo’s blogs as well as his entertaining book about G’s sexual encounters. The Table of Contents alone is tantalizing! (See below)
I recently saw the movie “What’s Your Number?” I thought it referred to the telephone. Wrong! Girlfriends in their early twenties were sharing secrets about their number of sexual partners. One young woman was horrified to discover, after slowly counting on her fingers, that her number was 19 – far above her friends. Despite her love of sex, she made a vow to keep the number under 20 until she found Mr. Right. In the end she finds him, marries him and he becomes lucky number 20!
If someone asked you what’s your number would you be truthful, proud or embarrassed? I guess a lot depends upon your age and generation. I also wonder how fast numbers increase in today’s world. My number, like my name, will remain anonymous.
Of course, your numbers will climb faster if are a tri-sexual dabbler or in a poly-amorous relationship. I was surprised to read in Lorenzo’s blog that some women often experiment with tri-sexual adventures in the hope of luring a man for themselves and then exiting the triangle.
The Internet has opened all kinds of options for relationships beyond the standard match.com, e-harmony and others. There is a website www.partimelove.com for partners looking for “less” – a relationship that doesn’t demand too much time. Married men and women openly pursue affairs on www.ashleymadison.com. Their motto is “Life is short. Have an affair.” Soon it will be easy to get lucky in the air! There will be a new app, www.wingman.com, where passengers exchange photos and flight numbers by phone to see if anyone on board stimulates their hormones!
Given all of the above, Lorenzo’s theory of the BGL, Brain Genital Law, makes a lot of sense. At first for me it was a bit of a tongue twister. I, subconsciously or not, twisted it into a new word Bragina. My definition of Bragina is a woman’s brain sending signals to her vagina where many a debate rages over decisions like, “Oh yes, yes or no, or maybe or not in a million years!”
From the male point of view, picture the famous Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s cartoon brain sits on one shoulder and his cartoon penis on the other battling to determine who will win the argument about whether to bed with a buxom sexy actress or send her home. She had a great body but was also a dingbat with an annoying nasal whiny voice. The brain won the argument which as soon regretted by lonely Jerry’s shrinking penis.
Back to the Bragina: Valentine’s Day is around the corner. That means there will be many women hoping for roses, chocolates, champagne, caviar, sparkling jewelry and a romantic evening, perhaps with a happy ending. There will also, most certainly, be many Bragina debates about what’s for dessert! Coffee, tea or me?
What would Cupid think- the god of desire and erotic love and son of the love goddess Venus? When I googled Cupid, I was directed to www.cupid.com – another site for digital romance hit by the chubby cherub’s arrow!
My Bragina is nostalgic for the romance of days gone by. And so, I am hoping for a little love and romance on the ground, not in the air, without the help of the Internet. Wish me luck!