Tag Archives: relationships

The Critical Importance of Men and Women Faking Orgasms


G and I recently read an article about the classic, unforgettable faking-orgasm, dinner scene in the movie, When Harry Met Sally (1989), starring Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal. He thinks he’s a great lover but Ryan reminds him that women are expert at faking orgasms, and many could have faked them in order to please him which, of course, he stubbornly refuses to believe. To prove her point, she puts on a legendary convincing faking -orgasm performance which, between you and me, was so good that I thought she was enjoying herself so much that it was the real thing! But that’s another story.

The talented director, Rob Reiner, in an attempt to coach Ryan on how to portray the scene, acted out a faking –orgasm moment and, according to Ryan, he worked up a mighty sweat doing it. Maybe he, like Ryan, may have enjoyed it, if you know what I mean. But that’s also another story!

But here’s a delightful, impromptu event. Reiner’s mother, Estelle, was in the movie playing the role of a diner sitting at the next table. After Ryan performed her orgasm scene, she suggested to her son that she should say, “I’ll have what she’s having.” And her son agreed after which it went viral even to this day it is talked about among those older than our Millennials.

Reiner, with his innate sense of humor remarked, “How sick is this? I’m doing this in front of my mother.”

Anyway, this article got G and me talking about our thoughts on both sexes faking orgasms. Most of what is written and discussed deals with women doing it. We concluded that it’s probably due to the fact, for whatever reasons, it is more common with women because women have more reasons for faking it. Also, it’s easier for them to do because they don’t ejaculate like men. For sure, the wearing of a condom makes it easier for men but many don’t wear them, particularly since many women are on oral contraceptives. Also, most men don’t use them with women past the child-bearing age. Surveys report that condom- less men also fake orgasms and supposedly get away with it. It’s puzzling how. Here’s another fact that’s puzzling. It’s the erection. In many men who lose interest, it disappears! So how can they fake it?

G and I both strongly believe that the art of faking orgasms lightens the burden of life, particularly for women. This point has unforgivingly been absent from the professional and lay media. Our lives are being effectively inundated with way overrated messages about the wonders of sex. It’s as if your phantasies should be fulfilled every time you copulate. It just ain’t so. Not even close. Many times one partner, either the man or the woman, have no interest in copulating or indulging in other types of sexual acts. Even if they do, they quickly get it over with after their happy moment searching for immediate peace and quiet.

The reasons behind faking orgasms are multiple most boiling down to “just not being in the mood” but oftentimes just wanting to please the partner. Commonly, particularly in married and working women, they’re just plain tired or under stress worrying about problems regarding their kids at school or financial obligations or the pain- in- the- ass boss at work. Also, many are not turned on by their partners at that or any moment or, as I mentioned before, not that interested in sex in general, an underappreciated but common feeling. There are, of course, other reasons that you ladies and gentlemen are well aware of and need no explanation from G and me!

Now to faking it, and why, in many cases, it’s essential: We are assuming that, except for the powerfully hormone driven young, most men and women would like to please their lovers. Driven by our sexual revolution, American young males remind us of the American bison commonly incorrectly called a buffalo. A couple of months before mating, the bison has a huge sexual surge in his testosterone and urge to copulate but the females in the herd are not yet ready to accept penile insertion. He, out there in the plains, wants to eliminate competition so he fights other male bisons, sometimes even to the death and loses much of his body weight in doing so. Then, when he senses that the lady bison is in heat, he somehow locates her in the herd, mounts her and strokes away for only 15 seconds to have his happy moment after which he walks away forever! Such is the immense power of the young male sex drive.

So what’s our point? Unless one is a bison there is a lot of psychology in having an orgasm. Though there are little good clinical data on this subject, common sense and experience tells us that most men and women, in addition to their personal pleasure and deep down feelings, want to share sexual intercourse with their mates. And many times the best way to accomplish this altruistic goal is by faking orgasms! It’s nothing more than a “white lie” which oftentimes makes life easier.

As I was about to post this piece, I thought whether G had experiences with women faking orgasms. I also thought that he, with his track record of pleasing about 300 women, would be, like Billy Crystal, and deny that it could possibly happen to a man who made love to more women than Casanova.

The first response I elicited from him after asking the question was a hearty burst of laughter. “Sure it happened. I may be good but I ain’t that good.” He wholeheartedly agrees that the white-lie art of faking orgasms, in many cases, can make for a more harmonious sex life.

Mothers, Their Single Daughters, A Man’s Stomach and A Recipe for Marriage

G's Secret Recipe for Romance

G’s Secret Recipe for Romance

Influenced by what I read, see and hear, the following is what I used to believe until last month: The vast majority of young women are not anxious to marry until they’re in their 30’s. They love their independence, and single women are doing better than men in the workplace. In the meantime, they’ll freeze their eggs.

I was with Endorfina when she received a call from one of her college friends who has a 25 year old single daughter who is highly attracted to a 30 year old single guy with an impressive income. Now here’s what surprised me: The mother was excited and practically ordered her daughter to marry the guy; and the daughter, more excited than her mother, wants to marry him, and they had planned a “marry-the –man” strategy including the wedding itself.

I remarked to Endorfina that in this day and age this was not a common situation. Caution is in the wind for young women and at age 25, it’s best to wait. Endorfina then set me straight and told me what I didn’t know. She said that many young women are looking to marry the right guy and the mothers are pushing them to find them provided they have sufficient income to maintain a comfortable life. She emphasized that it’s the men, and not the women, who are reluctant to get married. She told me that this was common knowledge and wondered how I missed the boat.

Though Endorfina is a very savvy lady and a Phi Beta Kappa graduate, which fact she hides well, I do not generally accept single source descriptions so I called a number of other mothers, including those with married daughters. They generally agreed with her.

That night while sipping on my martini, I was thinking about the situation and what advice I would give to the mothers to transmit to their daughters which would increase their chances of getting them to the altar. Then something obvious, but woefully underappreciated by young women, jumped to mind. It’s the man’s stomach! G and I are both Italian and reared in a home where homemade “supper” was served every night. And did we look forward to those tasty meals and energetic conversations around the table.

I asked Endorfina to tell her friend to tell her daughter, who, like most young American women, doesn’t excel in the kitchen, that one way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Montaigne, the father of the modern essay, observed that there’s nothing more pleasurable than good food, good drinks, good company and conversation. They are door openers of person to person positive communication.

In order to overcome the daughter’s culinary cooking ignorance and encourage her, I recommended a simple- to- make but very sophisticated and knock- out pasta dish. It’s one of G’s specialties. The recipe is as follows:

– One pound of pasta. G prefers fusilli but it can be fettuccine or most other pastas including wide egg noodles.
– One can of tomatoes. Make sure they are not crushed but peeled and whole. G says crushed tomatoes are not as tasty. G prefers the San Marzano brand, but others will do.
– Five good sized shallots or the equivalent.
– Eight cloves of garlic.
– One-half stick of sweet butter.
– 8 tablespoons of olive oil.
– One and a half cubes of beef bouillon.
– Pecorino or goat cheese (optional).

G uses a big frying pan so the mother should buy her daughter one. What makes it easy, even for me, is that you put everything in the fry pan at once and then turn on the flame and cook away under medium heat!

Chop up the shallots in not too small slices and garlic in halves, with a knife. Put butter (cut in 4-5 slices) and olive oil in pan. Add shallots and garlic. Empty the entire contents of the canned tomatoes in the pan and then crush with your hands. Break up the beef cubes with your fingers and sprinkle over the contents. Then begin to cook at medium heat for about 25 minutes and, very importantly, stir periodically.

Regarding the cheese, for his taste G, if at all, uses it sparingly in order to compliment and not overwhelm the taste of the “gravy” or sauce but most men and women pour it on which, though a sin according to G, is okay if it stimulates the man’s appetite and achieves the woman’s objective. Make sure it’s pecorino from sheep and not parmegiano from cows.

Now here’s G’s secret that he uses in all his pasta gravies or sauces. Make them at least 4 hours before, and let sit in the fry pan on the stove or even the day before and put it in the refrigerator.

Men usually like meatballs and garlic bread with their pasta. G has a prize winning recipe for his meatballs but refuses to divulge it. He suggests that the daughter buy meatballs from an Italian deli, and even though they may not be good, the sauce will make them taste okay. If she can’t make reasonably easy to make garlic bread, then G suggests that she should give up her gastric strategy approach to her potentially future mate for she’s a hopeless case. A simple arugula salad only with salt and pepper, and a dash of olive oil and red or white vinegar blends harmoniously with the pasta, meatballs and garlic bread.

Regarding the pasta: G usually places the pasta in boiling water and cooks for about 20 minutes and not less. He says that the cooking- time labels on the pasta containers are usually wrong particularly when addressing al dente. Don’t forget to add the salt to the boiling water- about two tablespoons and periodically stir.

I checked with G to make sure I had it right, and I could hear something like, but not quite, a giggle. I asked, “What’s so funny?” He replied, “Crushing the tomatoes by squeezing them with your hands. It’s interesting to note that for some women it’s a subtle sexual stimulant experience. I like to do it. Maybe, if the situation presents the right moment, the lady should ask her potential husband to do the squeezing or do it both together! Lorenzo, catch what I’m getting at?” I thought G’s imagination was running a little bit wild and changed the subject.

Endorfina sent the recipe to her friend who sent it to her daughter who then prepared it for her lover- and it was a tremendous success. The guy went bananas over the pasta and told the daughter that, would you believe, she convinced him to marry only a woman who can cook. He said he’s tired of eating boring takeout food with a woman. He, of course, didn’t make a marriage proposal to the daughter over G’s pasta but the encouraging door-opening stomach opportunity was successful.

The mother, now sensing a gastric strategy to make her potential son-in-law a real one, implored Endorfina to ask G for other simple, uncomplicated dishes for her daughter to make in her stomach strategy approach. He, reluctant to divulge his culinary secrets to the world said, “Let me think about it.”

Perhaps in future posts he’ll change his mind. I’ll do my best.

Sex and The Polar Vortex by Endorfina

sex and polar vortex pic

When the temperature goes down, does your sex drive go up?

When the snow piles up to your door, are you in the mood for amour?

How does the thermometer affect lust and your libido?

What are the peak months for sex and the sperm – egg rendezvous?

Is it Winter, Summer or Fall,

Or like the I Love Paris song, is Springtime best of all?

Have some family fun with conception calculations,

Just subtract the number 9 from the your date of birth

To learn if your parents were cuddling in polar parkas,

Building castles in the sand or raking leaves with mirth!

Polar Vortex Number Four will hit the East Coast this Sunday,

March may come in like a lion,

But November may see lots of newborn babies crying!

I was born the end of January,

When my father was in the Navy,

He couldn’t be there for my birth,

Which my mom says drove him crazy.

I was six months old when we first met that July,

My sister was born nine months later on a sunny day in May.

Dad had written to the President for a special leave,

To see his second daughter’s birth, they gave him a reprieve.

The Navy, not the weather, controlled the dates of our conception.

My baby brother, however, was the family exception.

Santa’s Christmas countdown began two years later in December,

His August birth at 11 pounds was a record breaking weight to remember!

So take the month you were born dressed in blue or pink,

Subtract 9 to find your conception date,

Please let me know what you think.

I hope you are prepared for the Polar problems on the horizon,

Light your fireplace and warm up your libido as temperatures drop outside,

Vortex sex could be a fun roller coaster you might like to ride!

“Sex is like snow – you never know how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last!”

The Catholic Church’s Position on Oral and other Contraception Devices


(Personal confession: I never attended a Catholic school but, for reasons down deep in the unknowable caverns of the mind, I became highly interested in Catholicism while in college and my early medical school years.  I did a lot of reading- still do- and took selected courses at St. Joseph’s Jesuit College in Philadelphia and eventually became a firm believer in the Catholic faith. It was a once-in-a lifetime experience, and I sorely miss the beauty and strength of it all. But even during my most deeply religious period I did not buy into the argument against oral or other acceptable types of contraception).

Because it appears that the issue of contraception and Catholicism is entering a phase of re-evaluation, I thought it would be helpful to describe its history and other points. Let’s begin by remembering the profound religious spirit of the Catholic Church’s position: It’s based on the love and the sanctity of life. Christ said that God loves each individual and he-she is more important than the entire universe. No matter who you are, it’s tough to deny that this is a wonderful, uplifting belief unless, of course, you wear unbudgeable emotional blinders because of lots of psychological childhood trauma.

Now the Church’s “rationale” holds that some type of “killing of life” is committed by artificially or unnaturally preventing conception with oral contraceptives. The same holds true with condoms and diaphragms, among others.  It describes the natural sexual act in four stages: erection, penetration and semination and that which follows- conception. Any interruption of this act is in violation of the natural law.

The theological argument is largely based on a single biblical event and the writings of the early Church fathers. It begins in the Old Testament with Onan in Genesis and then mainly by the opinions of St. Augustine and St. Aquinas. Onan was making love to his brother’s widow and just before ejaculation he pulled out and “spilled his seed on the ground”. For this reason God killed him “because he did a detestable thing”. Catholic and, let’s not forget, other non-Catholic theologians viewed this as punishment for interrupting the natural sexual act which prevented the birth of a potential human being. Maybe they didn’t know or acknowledge what their Jewish colleagues believed. It was a Jewish belief that the brother of his deceased brother is obligated to try to marry and impregnate the widow.

Buying into the “pulling out” argument Augustine wrote, “Relationships with a wife, when conception is deliberately prevented, are unlawful and impure as the conduct of Onan who was slain.” Centuries later St. Aquinas wrote, “Next to murder, by which an actually existent being is destroyed, we rank this sin by which the generation of a human being is prevented.” (Though it bothers me to criticize this brilliant and good man, he did, for certain reasons and not pertinent to this commentary, reluctantly support the need for the profession of prostitution where  primitive contraceptive methods were employed).

Since ancient times all kinds of contraceptive and abortifacient methods were used such as dried crocodile dung placed in a vagina suppository, a mixture of olive oil and cedar oil in the vagina, suppositories of cabbage, women drinking sheep’s urine and the one that really makes me think who thought this one up: a woman on her knees and then sneezes. In my notes, however, I have that she must also try to fart. Regarding men, the penis was immersed in onion juice. Condoms were also used made from animal intestines. Shakespeare called them a “Venus glove” and Casanova called them an “Assurance cap”.

Jumping forward to modern times, the Catholic Church, recognizing the obvious need and demand for birth control, came up with the rhythm system. The rhythm system uses the elevation of body temperature and alterations of physical properties of cervical secretions during the menstrual cycle in order to determine when a woman is ovulating and potentially fertile.  My personal experience as a young endocrinologist supported by clinical studies is that in tightly controlled, highly motivated marital relationships it is an effective method but requires lots of discipline which many lack. Also, overall conclusions of clinical studies involving all types of folks report that oral contraception is more reliable and practical than the rhythm system.

Whatever your thoughts on the Church’s contraception teachings, it is undeniably founded on the noble sacredness of life. Jesus said that an individual is worth more than the entire Universe. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it were true? Who knows?

But I believe that preventing the joining of a sperm with an egg doesn’t destroy life simply because it doesn’t yet exist. After all, the intent of the rhythm system and even abstinence, though “natural” is to prevent the birth of a child, artificial method or not. The intent is the same. Once, however, the sperm enters the egg- that’s another story.

Attempts at contraception occur in all cultures from Hindus, Muslim to Judaism but none treats it as a serious sin. In fact, Onanism is a long time Muslim practice.

We mustn’t forget we’re in an era where the value of individual human life is being inexorably diminished. The argument against contraception is an effort to maintain the sanctity of life, and if a couple believes in this, God bless them. After all, if you’re reading this post, it’s because your mom and dad did not or forgot to use contraceptives!  Something to think about.

A Valentine from Cupid and My Bragina: A Guest Post by Endorfina

I would like to thank Lorenzo for his kind invitation to periodically share my point of view on his provocative blog.  I quickly agreed under the condition that I, like “G”, would remain anonymous.  Not because I, like “G”, have had 300 lovers, but just to write more freely behind an invisible cloak.

I love the idea of being anonymous! As a little girl, I would try on the slippers of Cinderella or the tiara of a princess and happily disappear behind these imaginative disguises for hours before returning to reality.

Why did I choose the pen name of Endorfina? When I was in my early 20’s, I met an authentic Italian count at a cocktail party in an ancient Italian castle.  He was tall, dark and dramatically draped in an impressive black cape.  I was introduced by my real name, but he quickly replied, “No, I am going to call you Endorfina!”  A bit confused I asked, “Perche?”  With seductive charm he explained that I was a simpatica bella bionda which brought to his mind endorphins, the neurotransmitters in the brain responsible for decreasing pain and suffering as well increasing pleasure.  He was a romantic scientist, and I was taken by the romantic compliment.  He was also a strikingly handsome Italian!

And so, as Endorfina, I will write and wonder about what’s going on in the world of sex and love today. I am a happily divorced single mom who remains idealistic about romance.  I am amazed by all of the mind-boggling options available for dating and sex today.  I am learning a lot from Lorenzo’s blogs as well as his entertaining book about G’s sexual encounters.  The Table of Contents alone is tantalizing! (See below)

Screen Shot 2014-02-13 at 11.32.50 AMScreen Shot 2014-02-13 at 11.32.58 AM

I recently saw the movie “What’s Your Number?” I thought it referred to the telephone.  Wrong!  Girlfriends in their early twenties were sharing secrets about their number of sexual partners.  One young woman was horrified to discover, after slowly counting on her fingers, that her number was 19 – far above her friends.  Despite her love of sex, she made a vow to keep the number under 20 until she found Mr. Right.  In the end she finds him, marries him and he becomes lucky number 20!

If someone asked you what’s your number would you be truthful, proud or embarrassed?  I guess a lot depends upon your age and generation.  I also wonder how fast numbers increase in today’s world. My number, like my name, will remain anonymous.

Of course, your numbers will climb faster if are a tri-sexual dabbler or in a poly-amorous relationship.  I was surprised to read in Lorenzo’s blog that some women often experiment with tri-sexual adventures in the hope of luring a man for themselves and then exiting the triangle.

The Internet has opened all kinds of options for relationships beyond the standard match.com, e-harmony and others. There is a website www.partimelove.com for partners looking for “less” – a relationship that doesn’t demand too much time.  Married men and women openly pursue affairs on www.ashleymadison.com.  Their motto is “Life is short. Have an affair.”  Soon it will be easy to get lucky in the air!  There will be a new app, www.wingman.com, where passengers exchange photos and flight numbers by phone to see if anyone on board stimulates their hormones!

Given all of the above, Lorenzo’s theory of the BGL, Brain Genital Law, makes a lot of sense.  At first for me it was a bit of a tongue twister.  I, subconsciously or not, twisted it into a new word Bragina.   My definition of Bragina is a woman’s brain sending signals to her vagina where many a debate rages over decisions like, “Oh yes, yes or no, or maybe or not in a million years!”

From the male point of view, picture the famous Seinfeld episode where Jerry’s cartoon brain sits on one shoulder and his cartoon penis on the other battling to determine who will win the argument about whether to bed with a buxom sexy actress or send her home.  She had a great body but was also a dingbat with an annoying nasal whiny voice.  The brain won the argument which as soon regretted by lonely Jerry’s shrinking penis.

Back to the Bragina:  Valentine’s Day is around the corner. That means there will be many women hoping for roses, chocolates, champagne, caviar, sparkling jewelry and a romantic evening, perhaps with a happy ending.  There will also, most certainly, be many Bragina debates about what’s for dessert!  Coffee, tea or me?

What would Cupid think- the god of desire and erotic love and son of the love goddess Venus?  When I googled Cupid, I was directed to www.cupid.com  – another site for digital romance hit by the chubby cherub’s arrow!

My Bragina is nostalgic for the romance of days gone by.  And so, I am hoping for a little love and romance on the ground, not in the air, without the help of the Internet.  Wish me luck!

Photo credit: mauritsdoetjes / Foter / CC BY-NC

Simplified Sexual Behavior Categories: Don’t Confuse Homosexuality With Bisexuality

To those of you who are not yet familiar with the BGL or Brain Genital Law, it states that, in order to propagate the human race through heterosexual mating and the production of babies, the brain goes overboard and indiscriminately stimulates and arouses the genitals to copulate in all kinds of ways from fetishes to homosexuality. According to the BGL, all such acts are, like heterosexual ones, natural and to be expected. All societies, however, in one way or another, place limits on its free expression such as prohibiting premarital sex, sodomy and homosexuality.

Though I’m sure it exists, I couldn’t find a simple, practical and easy to understand classification of the categories of the complicated world of human sexual behavior. Unlike the precision of mathematics, the dividing lines among the sexual categories are understandably blurred and oftentimes overlap. But we must at least try to bring some clarity where there is currently confusion and understandable ignorance. The following is a proposed classification:

–       Heterosexuality

–       Bisexuality

–       Homosexuality

–       Changing sexuality

–       Solo Sexuality

–       Fetish Sexuality

–       Pedophilia, Hebephilia and Ephebophilia Sexuality

–       Transgenderism Sexuality

Heterosexuality involves straight forward copulation between a man and a woman which is essential to fulfill the evolutionary mandate to propagate the human race. It is by far the most common type among the categories, and, by the way, the reason why we all exist. On the other hand, there are some heterosexuals who sometimes fantasize about making love to someone of the same sex, but never do. Then there are heterosexuals who not only think about it but who have dabbled with same-sex partners, but only on rare or very infrequent occasions.

Bisexuality is the second most common category and is, for some puzzling reason, universally mislabeled as homosexuality. This, in my opinion, is the most rapidly expanding form of human sexual relations in our country but is, for another puzzling reason, hardly addressed as such. Bisexuals copulate with both sexes. Therefore, as with heterosexuals, bisexuals fulfill the mandate to propagate the race.

Homosexuality is not at all as common as we are led to believe. It involves having virtually exclusive sex with same-sex partners over a person’s lifetime. If we stick to this definition, it is the third less common category and doesn’t fulfill the evolutionary mandate to propagate the race.  Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, in a laborious and admirable attempt to determine how many American men are homosexual, did not isolate, which is virtually impossible to do, bisexuals from bona fide homosexuals. Indirectly, however, his findings indicate that much of what he has come across deals with bisexuality- not homosexuality! (LINK: “How Many American Men are Gay” NY Times December 8, 2013).

Changing sexuality: To complicate things a man and woman may fall into a different sex category at a point in time. They may start out as a homosexual, then to a bisexual, then to a heterosexual. Over the years I’ve known a few of such couples who now appear to have a stable marriage. Of course, the gender passage can go in the opposite direction where heterosexuals end up with homosexual partners. I’ve also known a few of them.

Fetishes are multiple in types ranging from domination to golden rain to foot-worshiping and are becoming increasingly prevalent among both sexes. There is little information on how often fetishes culminate into a heterosexual act but we can reasonably assume that they are not major players in propagating the human race.

Pedophilia, hebephilia and ephebophilia: (LINK TO PAST POST). Though reliable data are virtually impossible to come by involving adults having sexual relationships with prepubescent children and teens up to the age of nineteen, it is almost certain that they are all increasing due to our rapidly changing sexual values and decreasing parental supervision.  Bottom line, they are not a factor in producing new babies.

Solo- Sexuality deals mainly with masturbation and in vitro fertilization. Our exploding rate of masturbation is, in large part, due to the Internet. A man or woman now has access- at the immediate time of desire and without barriers- to Internet porno which provides the whole ball of wax of ways to stimulate the BGL. Masturbation, without the need of studies or surveys to convince the most skeptical of minds, will not propagate the race. In his book, Confessions, the French philosopher, Jean-Jaques Rousseau, openly spoke about his sexual life including his masochism and exhibitionism. I do not share this type of openness. But I can imagine that, if I were young and had readily available to me all BGL stimuli at an instant, I would not be inclined to read Shakespeare’s Hamlet or study Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.  Regarding in vitro fertilization or IVF, these methods, which are growing in number, will increase baby production but which outcomes will not be known until the future. I would strongly advise that caution on these evolving procedures be taken.

Transgenderism is a very small but rapidly evolving and complicated social-legal category in America. It’s when someone’s BGL tells his or her mind that their body represents the wrong sex. Transgender sex will have minimal impact on the propagation of the human species.

I hope this attempt at sexual classification sheds some light on the complexities of human sexual behavior. I would, however, like to add that I’m particularly intellectually interested in the bursting forth of bisexual behavior. The issue of homosexuality has held national interest based on the controversy of homosexual marriage. But bisexuality is the much larger issue of our changing times.

Is Calcium Supplementation for Osteoporosis a Major Cause of Divorce? – A Hidden Issue of National Concern


Calcium supplementation causes constipation. It is one of the best kept secrets from women who are, by far, the major consumers taking this supplement en masse for many years in an attempt to reduce the degree of postmenopausal osteoporosis. About two decades ago, I proposed that calcium consumption was a major cause of divorce, and divorce would, in part, increase over time simply because women were increasingly consuming it.

Why this belief? Women are naturally more constipated than men for unknown natural reasons.  Constipation leads to mood swings including psychological changes ranging from depression, fatigue, lethargy, irritability to decreased patience, among others.

In the early 80’s the NIH published the consensus of a group of medical experts who, based on existing scientific and clinical studies, recommended calcium supplementation for the prevention of postmenopausal osteoporosis. Shortly after, the consumption of calcium by women increased dramatically which continues today. I believe that such consumption has significantly increased women’s already natural state of constipation significantly increasing the negative psychological impact. (About 10% of men take calcium supplementation).

Parallel to the substantial increase in calcium consumption and psychological stress has been a dramatic increase in our divorce rate. Though there is no statistical evidence to support a direct link between the two, from a medical point of view, it is not unreasonable to assume that chronic negative mood changes among men and women due to constipation, from any cause, can lead to unsettling marriage relationships and contribute as an added factor among the various modern stressful factors causing divorce.

You may justifiably wonder why this possible linkage of such immense importance to women, men, family and country, even apart from the divorce one, has escaped unnoticed. As with many things in life, there is no obvious answer. One possible reason is that Americans are very reluctant to discuss their bowels movements with others. They have no problem openly discussing other maladies such as arthritis, heart disease and cancer but revealing the frequency and nature of their bowel movements is just not done! Bowel movement patterns remain a very private affair even in our open American society!

I was not successful coming upon reliable data regarding the consumption of calcium by young women. They should be aware of calcium constipator effect.

I would rate the potential calcium-constipation unhappiness phenomenon as an urgent issue of national concern and, because of its dramatic upheaval impact, equivalent to that of our economy that should be seriously examined.

(Though I do not prescribe over the Internet there’s something I think women should know about and discuss with their physicians: Magnesium is an essential structural component of bone, and there are studies which indicate that it may have a beneficial effect on bone and possibly add to calcium’s beneficial effect.  In addition, it has an opposite effect on bowel movements than calcium causing loose stools and diarrhea and may decrease the calcium-induced constipation. It may, therefore, make sense to take both of them instead of calcium alone.)


Vegetarian Women and Fatalism


I had lunch with two charming, likable women in their upper twenties and interviewed them about what women in their age group are thinking about sex and long term relationships with men. I chose that age for they have emerged from the earlier more free days, have jobs and are more mature than college students. Though I very much enjoyed their company I was surprised by what I heard and, frankly, curious about their futures. Though I didn’t learn this until the latter part of our conversation, they were both vegetarians. Rather than a long description of what we talked about, it’s best that I put it in a question and answer format. They were both in complete agreement with their thoughts and answers.

 Me: “What type of men are you attracted to?”

Them: “Effeminate.”

Me: “Homosexual?”

Them: “On the border, but we really don’t like macho men.”

Me: “How about strong men?”

Them: “Maybe. Not sure”

Me: “Do you have boyfriends and how are they?”

Them: “Yes. Both are effeminate, sensitive and maybe one is also homosexual.”

Me: “Do you plan to marry?”

Them: “Ugh! No way. Marriage is the wrong way to go, and we are not interested-at all! We were told as kids that marriage between a man and a woman was natural, and we should find a good husband.”

Me: “Do you know any happily-enough married couples?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “How about when your 50 0r 60, don’t you want the security of a marriage?”

Them: “No way! We don’t need it and don’t want it.”

Me: “Do you want to have kids?”

Them: “Not my own by natural birth but maybe adopt one or be a surrogate for another woman. My brother is a homosexual, and if he wanted me to bear his kid, I’ll do it for him.”

Me: “So you’ll have kids a number of ways except through marriage or a long term relationship with a heterosexual man?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “Are women more attractive to you than non-effeminate heterosexual men?”

Them: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you want to become a lesbian? “

Them: “No. And we are not bisexual.”

Me: “What’s your position on non-effeminate heterosexual men??

Them: “We’re man eaters!”

What was impressive about the mindset of these young ladies was that they were both fatalistic and very resolute about their current positions and particularly so regarding their futures. But what struck a chord in my brain is that they are both vegetarians and perhaps there is a connection between their mental and physical dietary positions. I then called a vegetarian lady friend and interviewed her. But there was one big difference: She was in her late 40’s. She doesn’t want to have children; she prefers strong men over effeminate ones and women; not against marriage but probably won’t search for it. Her answer about her life and security of her future resonated with the other two ladies.  “I’m not sure, not that concerned and whatever happens will happen.”

I was intrigued by the “fatalism of the future” commonality mentality of the ladies, though only three in number. I decided to interview one more and made a contact with a vegetarian woman in her early-30’s in San Francisco. Her responses were, more or less, similar to the ladies in the 20’s. But I was particularly searching for any “fatalistic” attitude about her future and asked what happens when she becomes a senior citizen without a man to support her. Her answer? “No problem. The government will probably take care of me.” I asked, “Suppose it doesn’t?” “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. But no husband!”

In conclusion, though this is not at all a definitive survey, I’ve might have stumbled upon an unexpected, common finding because of the intensity of their responses. Vegetarian women may commonly be fatalistic about their futures, and somehow this may be connected to their dietary choices. I will try to expand my interview of vegetarian women and also interview vegetarian men as well as vegan men and women and compare the responses.

One interesting aside observation: I’m a poetry fan and was surprised to discover that two of the women were big poetry lovers. I asked them, “Do you prefer T.S. Elliot or Wordsworth?”  Both loved Elliot’s and actually despised Wordsworth’s poetry.  Elliot’s poetry is complex, difficult to understand and without joy. Wordsworth’s poetry is simple, clearly written celebrating the beauty of nature. Maybe I stumbled upon another finding, whatever that is.

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