Like most things dealing with sex there’s not a great amount of instructive information on the act of cunilingus otherwise known as sucking cunt or twat, ‘going down on it’ and muff-diving. Sure there are videos on the Internet depicting the act even with cameras in the vagina filming the face and actions of the guy doing it. Perhaps they are helpful as a teaching tool but there aren’t, to my knowledge, any credible clinical studies to demonstrate any added or unique benefit.
Yes, there are women who love cunilingus and easily reach climax even when done by an inferior performer.
Yes, there are women who like and are stimulated by it, but cannot reach climax until there is some type of vaginal penetration either with the penis, dildo, vibrator or G’s favorite, fingers.
Yes, there are women who, by stimulating their clitorises, reach climax by masturbation using various methods including having an animal execute the act.
Yes, there are indications that younger women are increasingly turning to cunilingus as the preferred way to reach climax for reasons which are not clear. I’m not aware if that’s true with the older ladies.
Yes, there are significant numbers of women who don’t take to cunilingus- at all!
Yes, there are lots of men who don’t like doing it Maybe because they just don’t like being ‘down there’ like some women are with fellatio. Also, they learned by experience that they turn women off in their attempt probably because of their lack of know- how.
Those of you who follow my posts full well know that I’d contact G and get his take on muff- diving, the term that he prefers because it, according to him, has a broader meaning than cunilingus. I called him and asked him to very briefly describe what he means by muff-diving. As usual, he burst into laughter when I presented him with a complicated sex question.
“Lorenzo, in our Casanova book I described the ‘art’ of muff- diving in great detail. It’s involves much more sophistication than what is generally considered as cunilingus. Though I don’t know all the facts, I’m pretty sure that oftentimes ‘going down on it’ or cunilingus is done when the hormone levels are high, and it doesn’t take much to bring a woman to climax by a simple act. And there are all kinds of uncomplicated situations where this successfully happens. And I’m all for them. Life is complicated enough.
“But my experience is complicated and deals mostly with mature, attractive and mostly intelligent women in a single, prolonged encounter where women first experience my way of muff-diving. I’m not bragging when I say it is- or at least used to be- performed on a very high artistic level. To me, the entire combination of what a man does when performing cunilingus is the greatest art form in love making. It’s as much mental as physical. Maybe more mental for it depends on a woman’s mind and how you open up her doors of sexual receptivity. Let’s not forget, that a woman’s mind, even during the act of sex, is much more psychological than a man’s. It’s greater expectations again!
“Now, Lorenzo, I’m going to sound like you and clinically very briefly describe my style. As I said in the book, there are two parts which are intertwined and going on at the same time. The first is how you position your face against the vulva, and the second is everything else you do. I cannot emphasize how critical the first part is. Your face must, in a real sense, become biologically one with the vulva. When that happens a woman becomes immediately receptive and everything else you do to increase her arousal state is tremendously enhanced. Regarding the second part, the first principal is to proceed slowly- and I mean, slowly. This, of course, applies to the first part.
“I said it before, and I’ll say it again. My style of muff-diving is one of many other successful ones. It’s reserved for special, attractive, intelligent women on special high-level sexual encounters.”
It was evident that G had concluded his very brief description, so I decided to ask one last question. “G, any last thoughts?”
After a pause, he answered, “Lorenzo, I’m going to put on two hats- one as a businessman and the other as a social philosopher. There’s a huge market opportunity to create a franchise or chain like McDonald’s or Toys R Us to teach men and women the art of sophisticated love-making only. On the other hand, sex can warm up your home or burn it down, and it’s burning down lots of homes these days. Do we want more of it?”
There’s so much written about men and sex that’s not reliable so I decided to go directly to the horse’s mouth and asked G about his advice to men, as I did in a previous post on advice to women on how to be a good lover. (Periodically, I remind readers that he’s the guy I interviewed in my book, The Man Who Made Love to More Women than Casanova).
His initial response? Bursting out in laughter, he said, “It’s an extremely complicated question because there are so many variables. What do we mean by a lover? For a night? An occasional rendezvous? A single versus married person? Tired working parents with children? What age groups? What degree of horniness? And so on and so forth. But, as I said in the women post, I’m interested in high level sex, and this is what I’ll talk about. There’s nothing like it! ”
Then he emphasized what we discussed in the book. He claims that, generally speaking, both men and women are not good lovers. I asked him, “I appreciate your credentials about women but what do you base your opinion on about men?”
“Good question. During my personal experiences with hundreds of women many of them told me about their sexual experiences with men, oftentimes in detail. Maybe it’s different today, but I don’t think so. Basic instincts don’t change.”
“So, G, you must think that it’s a genetic factor, and it’s hopeless.”
G paused, and I could hear him puffing on his pipe. “Look, Lorenzo, to repeat, my sexual encounters were on a very high level with fairly high, top- of- the- line ladies. It usually involved dinner, drinks and engaging in enjoyable and stimulating conversation before we entered my suite. I did not book rooms for suites are much more effective in making a woman relax. If you’re not at home with your wife, I would strongly recommend this. Don’t ask me why. As I also mentioned in the book, the more beautiful, intelligent and attractive a woman, the more effort was required to bring her to climax. This usually means more suggestive talk, wine and sometimes other light stimulants, if you know what I mean.”
G suddenly stopped and said, “I can go on and on but I guess you want some simple guidelines. Right?”
He puffed away again and then said, “I want to repeat that there are lots of ways to have satisfying sexcapades, but here are a few of my personal basic guidelines for a man if, of course, he wants to become a good lover. I’m not sure many want to be because it takes lots of effort which can sometimes boomerang where the woman becomes disinterested or, as we say in the vernacular, ‘turned off.’ Let’s not forget that, if you think about it, it’s much, much easier for a woman to turn on a man than vice versa and, therefore, requires greater skill. Also, I hate to keep repeating myself, but there are all kinds of exceptions
“Anyway, before whoopee time you’ve got to talk to the woman about herself. I cannot stress this enough for it’s the door opener. Let me tell you it can be a beautiful experience. I didn’t have to develop this habit because it comes naturally to me. If it doesn’t come natural to you, make a conscious effort to learn about and enjoy your woman. The first step is, for God’s sake, don’t talk about yourself too much. I hardly ever did because, frankly speaking, I find talking about myself rather boring. Be a sincere listener. Yes, I know that the ‘thing’ today is for men and women to talk about themselves and exchange experiences. Sure, it can be nice, but a talented male lover doesn’t do that. For the record, I’ll just add that there are exceptions to every rule- and I mean that.
“When whoopee time arrives, concentrate entirely on the woman until she comes to climax. Forget about yourself for the initial phase of good lovemaking to a woman should largely be a selfless act. I don’t give a shit what anyone says. What I read today coupled with my growing experience with modern women tells me that they are under a hell of a lot more stress than men.
“Before I forget, the belief that the perfect mating scene should be when both lovers have orgasms at the same time is a beautiful and romantic concept but only reserved for a few. To achieve this takes a hell of a lot of concentration which detracts from the pleasure of love-making. But to repeat, if it works, go for it.
“It’s critical to understand, at least in my experience and what my lady friends told me, that women’s post-orgasm energy levels are substantially different between the sexes. A man’s energy is usually spent, and he just wants to relax while a woman’s energy levels remain in almost full force. If a woman realizes that a man-made an obvious selfless effort to make her happy, particularly if it was successful, she’ll, because of her female natural instincts of giving, go out of her way to return the favor by being genuinely selfless trying to please the man. That’s the beautiful nature of women.
“Lorenzo, before I go on, let me dictate this poem to add to your post. It was written way back in Sumerian days, our earliest civilization, by the goddess, Inanna. It deals with her sensual sexual encounter with the shepherd, Dumuzi. To arouse the guy it’s written that, ‘When she leaned back against the apple tree, her vulva was wondrous to behold.’”
‘He shaped my loins with his fair hands,
The shepherd Dumuzi filled my lap with cream and milk,
He stroked my pubic hair,
He watered my womb.
He laid his hands on my vulva.
He caressed me on the bed.”
“Bridegroom, let me caress you,
My precious caress is more savory than honey,
Let us enjoy your godly beauty,
Lion, let me caress you,
My precious caress is more savory than honey.’
“This may be the earliest document which confirms my belief that a woman’s pleasure should be first and a man’s second!
“ Back to my advice: Always start out slowly- and I mean slowly- even if she’s in a hurry. Lorenzo, you’ll notice in my interviews I always emphasize that based on my experience it’s the best way to maximize the brief ecstatic, pleasures of orgasms. Most of my lady friends told me that men move too quickly in love-making. Plato called the erection phase a state of ‘Divine madness’ so I understand the hurry. But a man must discipline himself. I almost always kept my activity at a measured, slow pace until pre-climax time. Now here’s the greater challenge and more difficult: In my experience, fantasy talk is really the key factor which can change a routine orgasm into a humongous one. Sex begins and ends in the brain and not the genitals. Remember the BGL (LINK TO BGL SUMMARY)? But, as I said many times before, the problem is that very few men and women are good at fantasy talk. A not too complicated way to handle this is just to coax the woman, be it in a command or in an encouraging tone of voice, to imagine the fantasy that turns her on the most. In my experience their fantasies are frequently related to some form of domination or betrayal and other out- of -control events. You don’t have to wait until disrobing time to get a good hint. Many times I found out during relaxed, dinner time discussions. An example with a married woman would be her fantasizing about her being in the married couple’s bed alone with her husband’s best friend. An example with a single woman would be to ask her what woman she most sexually attracted to and would like to be with her alone or with her boyfriend. There are many other type fantasies, which, to repeat, you may discover during dinner or drinks. If you elicit favorable initial responses, keep probing with other questions. Of course, the woman may not respond at all, so just back off and play it by ear.
“But, as I said in my previous posts to potential women lovers, a man better be sincere about this or be a superb con artist for if a woman detects that-and they are superb at this and much better than men- you’re faking it, her hormone level will immediately- and I mean immediately-shut down, and the party is over for the night, no matter what a man does. Sure she might go on but will want to get out of the sack in a hurry by faking orgasms. A number of my lady friends told me that happened with them.”
“G, this may be an embarrassing question but did this ever happen to you?”
“You bet. It happened only once, and I’ll never forget it. I haven’t the slightest idea why it happened, but I blamed it on myself.”
“How did you know for sure that it happened?”
“Just take my word for it.
“That’s about it, Lorenzo.”
“One more question. How many times will it take a man to acquire these lover skills?”
G didn’t hesitate. “If his heart is in it, and if he has at least a modicum of the natural basic instincts and he works at it, and above all, enjoys the woman he’s with, I would say about three. The same holds true if he’s a superb con artist. But as with female con artists, it isn’t the same unless your objective is to please a woman for other reasons than sexual pleasure. And such reasons exist.”
“G, any final advice to men?”
“You bet! Now I want to re-emphasize I’m talking about high level sexual encounters. Most are not that way. My advice is the same for both men and women but usually at different times during the sex act. At the right time take Casanova’s advice.”
“And what’s that, G?”
“Be the flame and not the moth!”
High volume sex in the United States is a first time historic phenomenon. I, very much concerned, extensively cover and wonder about all types of sex patterns and where they are leading us. Not too long ago, I had an intriguing conversation with a mother and her daughter who were open about their sexual experiences with multiple men describing a few scenes in impressive graphic detail. Please don’t ask me how this happened! I was somewhat uncomfortable for it was a first for me, and I decided to just listen and ask a few pointed questions. Curious as hell, I asked the daughter, “Does it bother you to hear your mom talk about her sexcapades with different men particularly the one in which she was sodomized and talked about how she loved it?” She replied, “Doc, you’re in the dark ages. This is normal these days, and mothers and daughters should discuss their experiences. Why not?” The mother agreed. I then asked about whether this also happened with the father-husband. He left town when the daughter was a teenager and was not involved.
A couple of days after, when I was having my martini, I wondered where we’re heading with men and women having large numbers of different sexual partners. Is there a difference if a man beds with fifty women than vice versa? Is it more harmful to men or women? Now I’m going to piss-off some women- and even some men at our universities- with my answer. I concluded it is much more harmful to women!
“Where’s the evidence?” you ask. “According to your posts you’re a big guy on producing evidence by clinical studies. Where are they?” My immediate reaction is that my judgment is based on observation and experiencing human behavior over four generations. As women age their interest is pursuing sex partners significantly diminishes while that of men decreases far less. Menopause tells us that. Now I don’t need a clinical study but only my observation and experience to make that judgment. For example, if an unaccompanied blindfolded man crosses Broadway in Manhattan, he has a greater chance of being hit by a car and killed than a person with normal vision.
Because of its complexity, I decided to write three posts in order to develop a convincing argument to warn women about the negative side of having multiple sex partners. I define the negative side as experiencing stress, instability and unhappiness. I began to write a draft covering many aspects of women’s and men’s sexual revolution ranging from psychology to the menopause. Half-way through my writing, I decided what I had to say was not sufficiently enlightening, let alone convincing, to me. It was also too boiler- plate for women. There was something missing, and it bothered me. I couldn’t figure it out and decided not to continue with the post and move on to another subject.
That night, however, I went to my local bar-restaurant where I sometimes do my writing. It’s a delightful place where both the rich and not- so- rich mingle and dine on tasty, inexpensive Italian food. The waitresses there work hard to make money on the side to support their families. They’re good, upper gals, and I truly enjoy the banter with them.
Then it happened! I decided to ask the waitresses who they thought would experience more harm. It was a busy night, and they were moving to and fro like the wind. As my favorite waitress, Robyn, flew by my table she, almost shouting, said, “It’s women. It’s expectations. Women have greater expectations!”
This hit me like a lightning bolt, and I had an Archimedes’s Eureka moment. Robyn hit it on the nose regarding what was bothering me. In my long life’s sojourn there is little doubt in my mind that this characteristic is biologically integrated in the female mentality much more than in the male’s. As I frequently do, I called others for their opinion, mostly women, including Heidi, a lady of class and intelligent feminist who lives in Zurich, Switzerland. All, including Heidi, and without hesitation, wholeheartedly agreed.