Both Lorenzo and G have mysteriously disappeared to celebrate the holidays and ring in the New Year. In their absence, I decided to research and post cultural, historical and statistical sexual trivia for your reading pleasure. Best wishes for 2015. Stay tuned for the return of the dynamic duo!
50 Cultural, Linguistic, and Statistical Facts from Random Facts
1. Scientists are unsure why humans have pubic hair, but they theorize that the hair traps secretions that hold pheromones, or sexual scents.
2. In women, the labia minora (singular: labium minus) vary more than any other part of the female genitalia. The labia minora (Latin for “smaller lips”) can range from pink, burgundy, brown, or a mixture of colors. They may be small, or large enough to extend beyond the labia majora (Latin for “larger lips”), and one may be longer than the other. Contrary to myth, they are not lengthened or wrinkled by masturbation.
3. The word “clitoris” is Greek for “divine and goddess like.” The clitoris is present only in female mammals. It is actually approximately 4 inches long, with 3/4 of the clitoris extending inside a female’s body.
4. The opening of the vagina is called the introitus, from the Latin intro or “into, within” + ire, meaning “to go into.”
5. Aphrodite, the goddess of sexual intercourse, emerged from the foaming semen of her father’s castrated testicles.
6. The word “vagina” means “sheath” or “scabbard” in Latin, suggesting that love and war have been connected for thousands of years.
7. The word “penis” is Latin for “tail” and is probably also from the Old English faesl, meaning “progeny” or “offspring.”
8. The vagina is not “a hole,” contrary to popular belief. It is instead, a potential space that can range from 2 to 2.5 inches wide from around 3 to 6 inches long, with the average vagina measuring 4.5 inches.
9. Known as the “veil of the temple,” the hymen is related to the word “hymn” and is named after the Greek god of marriage.
10. Usually one testicle hangs lower than the other. For most men, the left testicle hangs lower—but in some men, most commonly left-handed men, the right one hangs lower.
11. Men do not need to be sexually aroused to have an erection. Erections can occur if a man is frightened, nervous, or has a full bladder. It’s normal for a man to have several erections during the dream phase of sleep.
12. During a woman’s period, the opening of the cervix (Latin for “neck” or “nape of neck”) and uterus stretch slightly to allow the shedding of the endometrium. During this time, harmful sexually transmitted bacteria have easier access to the uterus, increasing the risk of serious pelvic infections. HIV is also more easily transmitted during a woman’s period.
13. Married people are more likely to masturbate than people living alone, according to the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS).
14. For men seeking penile enlargement surgery, the average gain in size is about 1 inch when flaccid and 1/2 inch when erect. More than 65% of men who opt for penile enlargement surgery are dissatisfied with the result.
15. The condom is said to be named after the Earl of Condom, a British physician at the court of Charles II who was asked by the king to design him something to keep him from developing syphilis. The oiled sheep intestine was a big hit.
16. Though nudity was accepted in ancient Greece, an exposed erection was frowned upon. Additionally, a small penis was considered ideal.
17. The average number of times a healthy male will ejaculate in a lifetime is 7,200. Of this number, approximately 2,000 times will result from masturbation.
18. Most men have the most powerful erections during REM sleep. Researchers believe nighttime erections may be to preserve the elastic penile tissues.d
19. In 2000, the Mississippi state legislature introduced a bill to make it illegal for a male customer to have an erection at a strip club even if he is fully dressed.
20. Leonardo da Vinci discovered that blood filled an erect penis—not air, as had been previously believed.
21. Folk medicine used a variety of herbal potions and mechanical devices to harden the penis, such as crushed rhinoceros horn and pulverized antelope, deer, and horse testicles, as well as parings of human nails. Sometimes even a piece of bone was eased into the urethra.
22. President Lyndon B. Johnson referred to his penis as “Jumbo.”
23. A 1999 golf tournament in Australia offered a penis enlargement to the player with the longest drive.
24. The fear of having, seeing, or thinking about an erection is called ithyphallophobia.
25. Approximately 80 cases have been reported in medical literature of men born with two penises. A diphallus can present as either one organ that separates into two or as two distinct organs. The penises can be side by side, on top of each other, or in separate locations. Most men with diphallus are sterile.
26. The word “testis” (testes, plural) shares the same root as “testify” and comes from the Latin, meaning “witness.” This is perhaps because of the ancient Roman practice of a man’s bearing witness or “testifying” by holding his testis as he spoke.
27. When men of Australia’s Walibri tribe greet each other, they shake penises instead of hands.
28. Of all the primates, man has the largest penis. The gorilla has a two-inch penis, while the chimpanzee’s is three inches. The blue whale has the largest penis in the animal kingdom: 11 feet.
29. In 2003, a Texas man woke up from bladder surgery to discover that doctors had removed his penis without his permission.
30. Thirty-four percent of all American men ages 40 to 70, or about 20 million men, suffer from some significant level of erectile dysfunction (ED).
31. In 2004, Norwegian sexologists published a “Penis Atlas” which featured 100 photographs of men’s penises to correct and clarify misunderstandings about the male sex organs.
32. The ancient Romans thought penile hardness was directly linked to what a person ate. The shape, color, and flavor of food determined its impact on one’s sex life. Therefore root vegetables such as carrots became instant symbols of strength of libido.
33. A rumor that Ozti’s (Ice Man’s) scrotal sac still had viable sperm—quick-frozen as in sperm banks—prompted a number of Austrian women in the 1990s to ask if they could be artificially inseminated and have his baby.
34. To maximize oral sex, it is worth paying attention to what food you eat. Foods such as kiwi, celery, and pineapple can make genital secretion sweet. Dairy products, meat, and alcohol are generally thought to worsen the taste.
35. Upper Paleolithic art dating back 30,000 years depicts people using dildos to pleasure themselves and others. That means mankind invented sex toys long before the wheel.
36. Slang for “prostitute” in Victorian times was “blowsy” and slang for “ejaculation” was “blow,” leading to the current phrase “blow job.” In ancient Greece, a blow job was called “playing the flute.”
37. The average man has 11 erections per day and 9 erections a night.
38. The smell of pumpkin pie, licorice, chocolate, and donuts increase the blood to a man’s genitals.
39. Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy receiving and giving oral sex.
40. A teaspoon of semen contains 5 calories. A sperm takes one hour to swim seven inches.
41. There are between 500 and 1,000 deaths per year due to auto-erotic asphyxiation.
42. Avocados are known as the “fruit of the testicle tree” and are believed to have aphrodisiac qualities.
43. Sexual appeal is not all about body shape, weight, height, or breast size. Sex appeal is all of a person, such as his or her attitude, confidence, and the way he or she smells, walks and talks.
44. Remote-control panties are one type of sex toy. The vibrator is built into the panty itself and stays outside the body, providing vibrations to the clitoris and outer vagina.
45. When a drone (a male honey bee) mates with a queen bee, its abdomen is ripped open during copulation and it dies soon after.
46. The word “pornography” is from the Greek pornographos—from porne = “prostitute,” which originally meant “bought” or “purchased,” and graphos= “to write.”
47. Formicophilia is the sexual interest of small insects or worms crawling over one’s body.
48. Contrary to popular opinion, the word “fuck” is not an acronym for the phrase “Fornication Under Command of the King.” It is a very old word that is hard to trace because the editors of the initial Oxford English Dictionary considered the word taboo in 1893. It may have a Scandinavian origin, similar to the Norwegian word fukka, meaning to “copulate,” or the Swedish foka, meaning “to copulate, strike, push,” or fock, meaning “penis.”
49. Sex hasn’t always been associated with sin and guilt. Pre-Christian religions often regarded sex as a celebration and as a form of worship. Sex was seen as mirroring the sensual power of the Gods.
50. Roxxy is the world’s first sex robot. It costs between $7,000-9,000. She comes with artificial intelligence and five personalities, and weighs approximately 120 pounds. Customers can customize her features, including breast size, the color of her hair, and her race. A male robot, named Rocky, is also in the works.
Berman, Laura. 2008. Real Sex for Real Women: Intimacy, Pleasure, and Sexual Well-Being. New York, NY: Dorling Kindersley Limited.
“Frequently Asked Questions to the Kinsey Institute.” The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. July 15, 2010.
Hutcherson, Hilda, M.D. 2002. What Your Mother Never Told You about Sex. G.P. Putnam’s Sons.
Lamm, Steven, M.D. 2005. The Hardness Factor. HarperCollins.
Macleod, Dan and Debra. 2007. Lube Jobs: A Woman’s Guide to Great Sex. HarperCollins.
“Penis.” Online Etymology Dictionary.
“Roxxy Sex Robot: World’s First Sex Robot Can Do More Than Chat.” Huffington Post. March 18, 2010.
Taylor, Timothy. 1996. The Prehistory of Sex: Four Million Years of Human Sexual Culture. Bantam Books.
The next set of sexual information was published on the website getfrank.
1. Other than the genitals and the breasts, the inner nose is the only other body part that routinely swells during intercourse – this is because it is made from the same type of erectile tissue as the penis.
2. Humans aren’t the only species that partake in oral sex; cheetahs, hyenas, and goats all go down too.
3. In 1609, a doctor named Johannes Jacob Wecker reported finding a corpse in Bologna with two penises (a condition called diphallia). Since then, approximately 100 cases of similarly endowed men have been recorded.
4. The sperm of a mouse is longer than the sperm of an elephant.
5. Almost all mammals besides humans (like bears and dogs) actually have a bone in their penis.
6. Despite her three husbands and a parade of famous lovers (including John F. Kennedy, Frank Sinatra and Joe DiMaggio), it was a psychiatrist that finally helped Marilyn Monroe, the most celebrated sex icon of the 20th century, achieve her first orgasm shortly before her death.
7. There is a lot more to the clitoris than meets the eye. It is shaped like a wishbone and is about 3 to 4 1/2 inches long.
8. In 1899 the then President of France, Francois Faure, allegedly died while receiving oral stimulation. When his mademoiselle realized her monsieur was stiff for all the wrong reasons, she panicked, suffered trauma-induced lockjaw, and was rushed to hospital where she had to be pried from the penis of the passed-on President.
9. Male honeybees (Drones) only get to have sex once in their life… they die after mating because the penis and associated abdominal tissues are ripped from their body after intercourse.
10. Apparently when Captain Cook visited the Kingdom of Tonga in 1777, King Fatafehi Paulah had been busy fulfilling what he believed to be his ‘royal duty’ of taking the virginity of every woman in his kingdom. It is estimated that he deflowered 37,800 during his lifetime and never slept with the same woman twice.
11. Exhaustive research published by Johnson & Johnson found that the average time between penetration and male orgasm is 7.3 minutes – this involved 1,587 couples having stopwatch-timed sex.
12. The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
13. The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this dilemma, the male instead pierces females with his hypodermic genitalia and ejaculates into the body cavity.
14. Lipstick is rumored to have been invented in the Egyptian times for women who wanted their lips to look more inviting – apparently red lips resemble the vagina of a wanton woman anxious for sexual fulfilment…
15. The clitoris is the only organ in the human body that has just one purpose – pleasure.
And finally, take a moment to read my past post about the discovery of Scottish fish being the first to initiate internal sexual intercourse 385 million years ago!
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average age of Americans who lose their virginities (defined here as vaginal sexual intercourse) is 17.1 for both men and women. The CDC also reports that virgins make up 12.3 percent of females and 14.3 percent of males aged 20 to 24. That number drops below 5 percent for both male and female virgins aged 25 to 29 and goes as low as 0.3 percent for virgins aged 40 to 44.
I found these interesting facts published in an article in March issue of The Atlantic, “On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss” by JonFortenbury. The author reports “those who don’t have sex during their teen years are in the minority, but the reasons for – and effects of – waiting differ for everyone. Of course the CDC statistics only represent heterosexual penile-vaginal sex. The question of “what is virginity?” obviously has a different answer in the LGBT community. And straight people, too, sometimes feel that oral or anal sex counts as virginity loss. Still, the most common definition of virginity loss is penile-vaginal intercourse, as Planned Parenthood points out on its website.”
Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky gave a whole new meaning to “having sex” that had a memorable historic impact. Monica is back in the headlines this week reminding us of her sexcapades with the President as a 19 year old White House intern. She is speaking out against bullying by the media and trying to help others. According to Bill, “he did not have sex with that woman”, so perhaps she was still a virgin. Sadly for Monica, her last name became synonymous with the sexual act of fellatio. WOR’s Mark Simone takes us down a Monica Memory Lane by posting Bill’s famous video interrogation about sex on his website.
The Atlantic article continues “Statistically, if you didn’t have sex in your teen years, you’re in the minority. But most people I asked in my unscientific poll felt virginity loss wasn’t “late” if the person was still college-aged. Many thought 25 was the first late age. One friend told me that for secular people, “late” is 20 and older, and for religious people, 40 and older. The popular 1999 film American Pie suggests that late is freshman year of college. And the character Jess (played by Zooey Deschanel) on New Girl stated in a flashback in a recent episode, ‘In three years, I’ll be 25. I can’t rent my first car as a virgin. They’ll know’.”
For better or worse, there is a difference between the sexes and the experience of losing one’s virginity. I do not have a daughter. My son is in his early 20’s and I have shared many anxiety fraught conversations with mothers of girls on the other side of puberty. Loss of virginity in high school was common place for both sexes. Raging hormones, peer pressure, alcohol and sometimes drugs or perhaps just for fun played a role in the loss of virginity. Some were in relationships and others had multiple partners. Often the girls were more aggressive than the boys, particularly when they entered college. Access to birth control was easy. Many of the moms confided they wanted to be sure their daughters had access to the pill for fear of unplanned pregnancy. When this particular age group continued to college as freshmen in 2010, sex was just a regular routine for most – like a good movie or a tasty meal.
I do know a handful of young women in different parts of the country who entered their freshman year of college as virgins. Some were ashamed of their sexual status to the point it made me think of Hester Prynne in Nathanial Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. Instead of Hester’s scarlet A for adultery in puritanical times, they are burdened with a shameful V for virgin in contemporary times.
During my 90 year old mother’s generation virginity was considered a treasure sacredly saved for marriage. When the pill arrived in the 70s, many college women took advantage of that revolutionary safety net for the fear of pregnancy was gone and replaced the virtue of virginity.
Now it seems you are considered a bit of a freak if you are still a virgin in college. I personally know of a few sweet girls who were very studious and doing well their freshman year, with one exception – they were virgins. Unfortunately, privacy is a thing of the past and sex is a hot topic to be discussed openly in groups of peers or on social media. So everyone knew. These young ladies of 18 were determined to shed their shameful “V” status, despite the fact that they had no boyfriend in the picture or a raging libido. It was a “first” to get over with – like trying an exotic food or riding a bike! I wonder what their own advice will be to their daughters or sons years from now. My advice to any remaining virgins, or single women in general, is to cherish your privacy and carefully select your experiences, for they will last a lifetime!
On the lighter side, I recommend watching the new television series “Jane: The Virgin” on WPIX. It is the story of Jane, a young Hispanic girl, who has tried to do everything right in her life from studying hard to become a teacher to remaining a virgin until she marries her boyfriend of two years. She tries to overcompensate for her mother, who had an unplanned pregnancy at age 16, and never revealed the father’s identity. She chose to have her baby (Jane) and raise her with her abuela‘s or grandmother’s help. Jane’s abuela is very old world Spanish and passionately lectures her granddaughter at a very young age on the importance of remaining a virgin until marriage.
One day Jane goes to her doctor for a routine PAP smear and patient records get mixed up. She fatefully receives artificial insemination instead and soon discovers, much to her surprise, she is a pregnant virgin! Her mother believes her lament that she is still a virgin and falls to her knees to thank God for La Immaculata, the virgin birth. Chaos ensues within the family. There is a developing story about the donor father, who didn’t know his frozen sperm was defrosted by his scheming unfaithful wife, who got the PAP smear meant for Jane.
All sorts of issues, both serious and entertaining, are raised. I recommend you tune in to watch these episodes on demand and follow the story. There is humor and pathos and lessons to be learned. I predict Jane will have the baby and still remain a virgin until she marries!
While searching for a picture to highlight this post, I came across this wonderful poem by Robert Herrick for your reading pleasure!
TO THE VIRGINS, TO MAKE MUCH OF TIME.
by Robert Herrick
GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.
That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry:
For having lost but once your prime
You may forever tarry.
Poly Cocktails are interesting gatherings where one goes to meet and learn about people who are polyamorous seeking a variety of sexual relationships and experiences. Poly Cocktails organizations originated in New York City and have spread to other parts of the country. It’s not clear to me who are its members. One description targets New Monogamy Millennials, (born after 1980), who, in addition to their marital sexual partners, seek sexual relationships with others but want to remain married which is something to think about. But others describe it as open to almost everyone except those who are straight married heterosexuals. In addition to married couples it includes others seeking expanded sexual experiences such as homosexuals, bisexuals and transgenders.
Before I go on, we are in an era where new words are created almost daily. Polyamorous usually meant when there is an “intimate” relationship usually among three people over a period of time where sex is only part of the total relationship. It is not a swinging or key-swapping party- type of recreational, brief relationships. But it seems to me that Poly Cocktail polyamorous relationships are far broader entering anything- thing- goes territory.
One of our colleagues and follower of our posts read the recent one about massage parlors and the male frenulum. He contacted us to relate what happened to a guy in his 30’s who he knows who also read the post and then decided to attend a Poly Cocktail event in search of, pardon the pun, a “cock” tail solution.
He was in search of a supreme orgasm brought about by oral sex. He agreed with our last post that many men are happy as can be with a woman’s blow job but there are the those who require a higher level of performance but are often frustrated because most women just lack the know-how to deliver the goods. (No need to add that women say the same about men’s techniques).
At the gathering he sat next to an attractive young lady, and he, surprising himself, told her about his quest for the ultimate oral sex orgasm. She said she had the answer. She and her bisexual girlfriend love to perform oral sex on a man which stimulates them to make love to each other while the man watches. The ladies would get involved with him with some light stimulating foreplay before the oral sex. She promised him that this would solve his problem.
He, being hopeful and having nothing to lose, agreed. After they disrobed, he explained to them about the male frenulum as his potential G-spot asking them to pay attention to it. Well, guess what happened? In incredulous and exasperating tones he exclaimed to our colleague, “They, like even the masseuses who Lorenzo mentioned in his post, missed my goddam frenulum both orally, and even manually! Can what those guys in the previous post observed be true? It’s just tough for me to believe that something so fundamental in sex is being missed.”
This single experience reflects the general problem that I mentioned in the post for the need and wide-open market opportunity for a capitalist entrepreneur to open a chain of massage parlors called Male Frenulum Heaven where the ladies are trained to be frenulum specialists.
Maybe Poly Cocktails groups should think about doing something about this opportunity. This will certainly increase their membership!
From what I gather, I understand that the poor guy is now thinking about giving up on oral and manual sex and concentrating on old fashioned straight vaginal sex- something to wish on your worst enemy!
Just after the New Year, G and I had dinner in Manhattan with two “happily” married couples in their early 50’s. Both had two kids who were also “happily” married. Divorce had not yet touched their lives.
The couples read our book and knew about our interest in the world of sex and understandably slanted the dinner conversation to that topic. One of the women mentioned that she had just read in some magazine about a number of studies which report that an active sex life between a man and woman, particularly those who are married for a long time, is necessary to increase marital bliss. I was about to ask the couples if that held true for them, but held my tongue for they are products of the old school who highly value personal privacy.
Being curious about that claim, the next day I decided to do some research on clinical studies which evaluated the impact of sexual activity on happiness and marriage and found exactly what I expected. As I repeatedly emphasize on our posts, the conclusions of many clinical studies on sex, particularly surveys, are not at all definitive. I can assure you that the claims, and they are numerous, that more sex makes married men and women happier than those who have significantly less of it, were not proven. Not even close!
There are reports that many couples, yes, including men, are not that crazy about sex and, therefore, it does not play a major role in their lives. One study reported that the sex- life of working married couples over 40 was almost non-existent. If you read what’s going on today in the world of sex, because married men and women are living in very stressful times, they prefer to sleep and not copulate at bedtime. In one article, though tough to believe, young, married women are reluctant to give oral sex to their husbands, even once a month. These ladies don’t know what they’re missing because, though “hard to swallow”, one study reported that women who give oral sex are happier.
Here’s the conclusion of another “brilliant” survey study: Sex, drinking and partying bring more happiness than rearing children. And yet another typical study conclusion: Happiness is thinking that you get laid more than your friends. All are typical examples of very bad clinical studies flooding the media which are not to be believed. Unfortunately, there are few calling attention to this phenomenon, and many men and women buy into these misleading claims which often negatively impact their lives.
Getting back to sex, happiness and marriage: There are huge, powerful and pervasive market forces that are making married couples, who are not crazy about sex, feel as if there’s something wrong with them- when it’s not at all so. One unfortunate side effect of this misplaced assumption is for some to seek the “missing link” elsewhere. There was one inexcusable, misleading study which reported that married women who cheat on their husbands are happier with their lovers.
The sex drive is like everything else that’s natural in life. It varies with age and circumstances. It varies depending on biology, age and circumstances. One can naturally be hyper- energetic as a busy bee or lazy as a sloth; aggressive or passive and stubborn or flexible with degrees of levels of intensity in between.
Married couples and the rest of us rarely see, hear or read about the normality, stability and tranquility of limited or even absent sex. Though I’m not an expert on sex films, I can assure you that there are few, for example, depicting a naked couple happy as can be discussing what opera they should see at the Metropolitan Opera Company and forgo sex. Also, there are very few, if any, steamy sex novels on happy married couples who decide to limit their sex to the first Monday of each month and maybe two days in a row on their birthdays- God willing! I believe that this, the- little- bit- of- sex married couples market, is a wide-open, innovative opportunity for creative media producers.
I don’t know about Neanderthals, but since Homo sapiens- that’s us- married men and women do not ride a roller-coaster of sex particularly with the oncoming of the years. Historic and current common experience clearly tells us that sex is not the driving force in a long term, happy marriage and can, instead, have an “unhappy” effect. Certainly the sexual revolution has stimulated the quest for increased sexual adventures and, in certain cases, increased the accompanying pleasures, but this will not change the fact that it is not a big deal in many marriages- happy or not!
Gloria Steinem, the famous feminist, recently extolled how being libertated from her sexual drive has opened new wonderful horizons in her life. Though she attributed this new- found freedom to her old age, it applies to all states where sex is not a driving force. She said, “The brain cells that used to be obsessed (with sex) are now free for all kinds of things.”
You may now be wondering what, then, are the secrets of a happy marriage. Tons of books have been written about this, and I don’t pretend to have the specific answers. Certainly there’s the glue or interior force called “chemistry” or “love”* between a man and a woman. Then there are the external factors such as good health and enough money to periodically take your honeybun to dinner at your favorite restaurant.
Conclusion: Patterns in the world of sex are multiple and normal and not having much sex is one such pattern that can play a critical role in a happy marriage.
*What recently hit me like a thunderbolt is the virtual absence of the word “love” in all non-religious media dealing with sex in both marital and non-marital states. Did you ever think about this and what message it’s sending? Let’s talk about this in a future post.
During our conversations, G often mentions what he calls high- level sex. He did address it in the book but not enough for my satisfaction. Last autumn he invited me to his mountaintop cabin to behold the wondrous colors of foliage. We walked-hiked, mostly in silence, in the mountain forest for hours listening to the crackling leaves and singing birds. We saw deer, wild turkey and even a black bear. I thought to myself, “If only every day could be as beautiful.”
Instead of venturing out for dinner, we decided to dine in the cabin. G elected to make his haute cuisine spinach and other “secret” ingredients with pasta dish along with a side dish of tomatoes, cucumbers and onions with his “secret” salad dressing. The wine was Fiano di Avellino, an inexpensive Italian white with lots of character. In the background was the sound of the late and great Italian tenor, Giuseppe DiStefano, singing Neapolitan folk songs. (Just for the record, a number of years ago DiStefano personally invited me to the 50th anniversary of his La Scala debut in Milan. If any of you are opera fans, I can sense your justifiable envy)!
Everything clicked. The food, wine and singing made for a special hit. But something was missing after the trek in the forest and the wonderful dinner. Can you guess? Those of you who thought, “sex”, hit it on the nose! But, alas, the only lasses close by were in the animal kingdom, and that was not an option!
After dinner, G placed kindling and logs in the Franklin wood burning stove and set a flame to them. Sitting close to the soothing fire we sipped on our cognacs and, as usual, G lit his pipe. I then asked, “G, what do you mean by high-level sex? Give me a little more detail than we discussed in the past.”
G, as he often does, looked toward the ceiling and remained silent for a few moments. “Lorenzo, it’s extremely difficult to define for there are all kinds of scenes in which this can happen. I told you before that words were made to communicate and not to define things. For example, if you were to ask me what is love, I nor anyone else, would be able to define it. Now I’m talking about my own experience which is extensive but not at all definitive because I haven’t been witness to the billons of all kinds of sex acts in as many bedrooms and where men and women are happy as a pig in shit after their orgasms.
“If I had to define the general nature of my type of high-level sex, it’s when a man and woman powerfully connect both on a mental and physical level. To me, even taking away the orgasm part, being connected to a woman that way is one of life’s greatest gifts to have experienced. One partner or the other must consciously or intuitively lead. That’s essential. The process must be slow – and I mean slow- but subtly crescendo-like where deep feelings of connection continue to increase. Now Lorenzo, don’t ask me to define “feelings!” Generally speaking, the best place for this to begin to happen is at dinner with good food and enough drinks to help open the door of openness.The second best place is at a bar with the right atmosphere having a couple of drinks. “
“G, before I forget, did you ever have sex that was not high-level?”
“Sure many times.”
“Did you enjoy those encounters, and can you give me an example?”
G burst out into laughter. “Sure. It’s a quickie. I would rate some of my greatest orgasmic moments as quickies. But it’s not as simple as one would believe- at least not for me. Now you may think I’m neurotic, and maybe you’re right, but I could not enjoy a quickie unless I knew that the woman enjoyed delivering the goods. And many do. It’s in their giving nature.”
There was a pause in our conversation as we sipped on our cognacs and watch the flickering flames. G then continued. “Now here’s the paradox: The leader must primarily concentrate on pleasing the partner. It’s not a pure quid pro quo or “if- you- give- I- return situation. That act, in itself, is a high-level, metaphysical pleasure.
“Let tell you of one of my greatest nights with a sensual seductress redhead while I was in Copenhagen which I describe in detail in the book. After we met, one thing after another led her to invite me to dinner at her home.”
His description of the encounter night was too long for a post, so I chose a couple of excerpts from the book.
Regarding her cooking outfit, “She was bare-assed naked except for a mini-apron that covered the front part of her body from just below her belly button to a good six inches above her knees. Her rear end was open to view- it was almost a perfect one-and it would stay that way for the rest of the night. I had never come across an opening scene like this before, and I liked it a lot. Now and then I visualize this temptress, and I miss her.
“Now, it’s tough to explain, but just spending hours with this gal and watching her walking around in her outfit from the refrigerator to the stove to sitting beside me, where I could catch different views of her body, was probably the most sensuous experience of my life. I believed she faked dropping a napkin on the carpet and bent down with her rear end facing me to pick it up. And it took a longer-than-usual time to retrieve it. My erection seemed eternal that night.”
Then G added, “Because of the spectacular seduction performance, I gave it my best in the sack.”
Frankly speaking, I was puzzled by that last remark. Why, with his eternal erection, which she willingly provoked, didn’t he go for it first and have himself a surely spectacular orgasm? So I asked him.
“Lorenzo, this would have made it a low-level, selfish encounter which would have robbed both of us of a beautiful high- level experience. Remember, always think of the partner first, and I always make sure it’s the woman. I read that she was on fire, and if I had my happy moment first, I would have run out of gas and not have enough energy or will to satisfy her. And believe it or not, I wanted to postpone my moment not even knowing what was coming, if anything, until I satisfied her. And I did-big time.”
“G, what about you? Nada?”
“Are you crazy? With a class woman like that? She knew that I considered her heated state of mind and, using domination whispers and light, careful nipple- nibbles, I made the selfless effort to make her happy. I’ll take that back. They weren’t selfless for I immensely enjoyed giving her pleasure. We then relaxed, drank some port and made light conversation still, believe it or not, having my eternal erection and wondering whether I would experience raultney. It’s when so much blood goes to your hard-on that it robs the brain of its blood supply which then leads to fainting.”
“G, is it my imagination or did you set the world’s record regarding the duration of an erection?”
“It seemed that way, but I hear that the Viagra type pills can, in rare cases, cause a forever erection. Women must love it!”
“Okay, what happened after your relaxation interval?”
“She then paid full attention to me and gave me a beautiful gift- a never-to-forget, very slowly executed blow-job, one of the most beautifully executed performances of my career.”
“G, I hate to bust your chops, but I’m still not clear on what you mean by high–level sex.”
G looked somewhat aggravated and said, “Let me tell you one more thing that you probably won’t understand, and let’s shut down on this subject. The primary objective with high-level sex is not to have an orgasm. It’s only a part of the total mix. Women will understand this more than men.”
You won’t believe this, but right after he said that, we heard a pack of coyotes, close by, making their mystical howls.
Maybe they heard G and were sending us an approval or disapproval signal!
Over the years I’ve met and counseled dozens of high school students many of whom are now making more money than I! A couple of days ago I met two of my male and a female “alumni” who are now seniors at three highly regarded universities. For some reason, our conversation turned to the subject of hookingup. It was a learning experience for me, indeed, including the enrichment of my English vocabulary. For example, I now know the meanings of “Friends with benefits” and “Fucking buddies.” The guys had such friends and buddies but the lady did not. I had no reason to doubt their honesty. Bottom line and ostensibly so, hookingup means having sex and orgasms without any other ties, emotional or otherwise. It is becoming increasingly prevalent on university campuses.
Piqued by another “innovative “category of our sexual liberation movement, I decided to do some heavy hookingup homework. Though it is a recent phenomenon, I was surprised to discover that there are some credible surveys (many on sex are not nearly so) characterizing what’s going on. One finding which got me thinking is that this type of sex is trending to oral and anal sex rather than vaginal penetration. Frankly speaking, I’m stumped and would welcome any credible thoughts on the dynamics of this pattern.
I just read a well written review article, In Hookups, Inequality Still Reigns, in, would you believe, the Science Section of the New York Times authored by Natalie Kitroeff. It’s about orgasms! She begins by quoting the frustrations of a young lady who bemoaned the fact that her male “fucking buddy” falls asleep after ejaculation before paying attention to her orgasmic needs. It surprised me that she was surprised. After all, this is what lots of men do.
Ms. Kitroeff, reports on two surveys. The first, led by Justin R. Garcia at Indiana University and researchers at Binghamton University, was conducted on 600 college students. They reported that women were twice as much likely to reach orgasm from vaginal or oral intercourse during serious male- female relationships than in hookup ones.
In the second survey of 24,000 students, it was reported that, during their last hookup, men have twice as many orgasms than women. In contrast, the ladies had far more orgasms in a committed relationship than a hookingup one. This survey lends support to the above mentioned study that the hooked-up clitoris is no match to the hooked-up penis when it comes to orgasms.
I believe that I can safely assume that the vast majority of oldtimer, pre-sexual liberation men and women would not be surprised at the conclusions of these surveys. It is what the wise Catholic theologian, Thomas Aquinas, termed as a “self-evident truth.” But, however, I did momentarily wonder that maybe times had changed. With our rapidly embracing of socially acceptable liberating sex values coupled with modern technology that increasingly allows for safe sex , women might have indeed changed and become more men-like regarding the biologic quest for orgasms.
In two previous posts, I concluded that – now listen to this!- women are different than men when it comes to sex! This was impressively expressed by Robyn, the simpatica waitress at my local Italian restaurant, when she, regarding the differences in volume sex between the sexes, exclaimed, “It’s women. It’s expectations. Women have greater expectations!”. Women view it on a higher emotional level. Another survey reported that women who cheat on their husbands do so because they feel “more appreciated” with their lovers.
I’d like to make a personal observation with respect to marriage and other long-term relationships: Hookingup for both men and women is a training ground for divorce as well as the breakdown of non- marriage long term, man-women cohabitation. It becomes a kind of habit and makes it psychologically easier to cheat.
And cheating will, in a number of ways, lead to great, insupportable emotional stress for both men and women resulting into permanent separation in many. That’s a “self-evident truth.”
Like most things dealing with sex there’s not a great amount of instructive information on the act of cunilingus otherwise known as sucking cunt or twat, ‘going down on it’ and muff-diving. Sure there are videos on the Internet depicting the act even with cameras in the vagina filming the face and actions of the guy doing it. Perhaps they are helpful as a teaching tool but there aren’t, to my knowledge, any credible clinical studies to demonstrate any added or unique benefit.
Yes, there are women who love cunilingus and easily reach climax even when done by an inferior performer.
Yes, there are women who like and are stimulated by it, but cannot reach climax until there is some type of vaginal penetration either with the penis, dildo, vibrator or G’s favorite, fingers.
Yes, there are women who, by stimulating their clitorises, reach climax by masturbation using various methods including having an animal execute the act.
Yes, there are indications that younger women are increasingly turning to cunilingus as the preferred way to reach climax for reasons which are not clear. I’m not aware if that’s true with the older ladies.
Yes, there are significant numbers of women who don’t take to cunilingus- at all!
Yes, there are lots of men who don’t like doing it Maybe because they just don’t like being ‘down there’ like some women are with fellatio. Also, they learned by experience that they turn women off in their attempt probably because of their lack of know- how.
Those of you who follow my posts full well know that I’d contact G and get his take on muff- diving, the term that he prefers because it, according to him, has a broader meaning than cunilingus. I called him and asked him to very briefly describe what he means by muff-diving. As usual, he burst into laughter when I presented him with a complicated sex question.
“Lorenzo, in our Casanova book I described the ‘art’ of muff- diving in great detail. It’s involves much more sophistication than what is generally considered as cunilingus. Though I don’t know all the facts, I’m pretty sure that oftentimes ‘going down on it’ or cunilingus is done when the hormone levels are high, and it doesn’t take much to bring a woman to climax by a simple act. And there are all kinds of uncomplicated situations where this successfully happens. And I’m all for them. Life is complicated enough.
“But my experience is complicated and deals mostly with mature, attractive and mostly intelligent women in a single, prolonged encounter where women first experience my way of muff-diving. I’m not bragging when I say it is- or at least used to be- performed on a very high artistic level. To me, the entire combination of what a man does when performing cunilingus is the greatest art form in love making. It’s as much mental as physical. Maybe more mental for it depends on a woman’s mind and how you open up her doors of sexual receptivity. Let’s not forget, that a woman’s mind, even during the act of sex, is much more psychological than a man’s. It’s greater expectations again!
“Now, Lorenzo, I’m going to sound like you and clinically very briefly describe my style. As I said in the book, there are two parts which are intertwined and going on at the same time. The first is how you position your face against the vulva, and the second is everything else you do. I cannot emphasize how critical the first part is. Your face must, in a real sense, become biologically one with the vulva. When that happens a woman becomes immediately receptive and everything else you do to increase her arousal state is tremendously enhanced. Regarding the second part, the first principal is to proceed slowly- and I mean, slowly. This, of course, applies to the first part.
“I said it before, and I’ll say it again. My style of muff-diving is one of many other successful ones. It’s reserved for special, attractive, intelligent women on special high-level sexual encounters.”
It was evident that G had concluded his very brief description, so I decided to ask one last question. “G, any last thoughts?”
After a pause, he answered, “Lorenzo, I’m going to put on two hats- one as a businessman and the other as a social philosopher. There’s a huge market opportunity to create a franchise or chain like McDonald’s or Toys R Us to teach men and women the art of sophisticated love-making only. On the other hand, sex can warm up your home or burn it down, and it’s burning down lots of homes these days. Do we want more of it?”