At the end of our last post G made a highly controversial statement that there’s little difference between a man raping a woman and a woman seducing a man. If this opinion came from an ordinary man, I would think he’s nuts and just ignore him. But G ain’t no ordinary man, particularly when it comes to sex. I called him and said that because of its provocative and controversial message that he’s obligated to give us an explanation in more detail. He, without hesitation, agreed.
“Lorenzo, American leaders who influence what we believe in from the economy to politics, lack balls when it comes to women and sex. They’re scared shit to say anything negative about women, but don’t hesitate to blame the man. Anyway, let me begin by saying –out loud- that men are far, far and far hornier than women. Though it is so well-known and needs no proof, let me give you a quantifiable fact: The overwhelming percentage of people who watch Internet porn and jerk-off while watching it are men. They are far, far and far more susceptible to losing their sexual control than women. Don’t let anyone fool you who hold the position that men “willingly” submit to a seductress. It’s bullshit in spades! In a real sense it’s like rape in that, in both cases, a man and woman lose their sexual freedom whether to submit or not submit to a sexual act.
“In my lifetime I’ve spent some time with about a dozen women who, if they wanted to, could easily seduce most men-and they all knew it! In our book I call them manizers. I discussed this ability with a few of them which we can talk about in future post. They have that X factor which is not definable. When you hear about squealer women- and-, with certain exceptions, I don’t like squealers of any type—who reveal their escapades with mostly married men who are rich and famous, there’s little doubt that many of them seduced those poor guys. What happens, however, is, as I said, the guy always gets the blame when it’s the woman who is the culprit. The man takes a damaging heavy hit on his life, and the courts almost always rule in favor of the squealer chick, and the guy also often takes another hit on his finances. And, would you believe, the squealer chick walks away, unscathed like she’s the pure, innocent one. My point is that there should be, as with rape, a law against certain types of seduction. There’s little doubt these seducing women rob men of their free will as a man robs a woman of her free will in rape.
“Let’s take the case of our former president, Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. He’s a good looking, extremely charming man and was then the most powerful man in the world- and a very horny one. It’s interesting to note that President Kennedy and Benjamin Franklin were extremely horny men, but had much more experience in releasing their sexual hormones yet, unlike Clinton, they got away with it. Now most men would characterize Monica by a word that is rarely heard these days. It’s ‘sultry’. As I said before, words were not made to define but to communicate, but I would describe it as a woman who is fleshy, deceptive, sensually receptive and confident. Now Monica is sultry enough to be considered that way by many men. Her fleshy lips, let’s say, stand out.
“I have a hunch that when she was in Mr. Clinton’s office she wasn’t wearing a burlap bag and lipstick-less. Maybe afterwards? She went for it- and who can blame her- and seduced the president. It always intrigues me how a blow-job can alter the history of a great nation like the United States. There’s something wacky about that. She could have turned him off but, instead, she knew what she was doing and decided to seduce him by making him lose his free will. In this sense, she raped him, not the other way around.
Remember Mike Tyson, the former heavyweight champion who was accused of rape by a woman and spent a lot of time in prison. He invited this lady to his room and she accepted. Why did she accept? Because he offered her tea and biscuits? Because she believed he was a homosexual and not a heterosexual and had nothing to fear? Her willing acceptance, in my book, is an act of seduction. What else would a man think when she accepted, particularly when you’re very horny, famous and a hot item? I remember having a conversation with my Italian friend who described what happened at dinner with his mother and her Italian lady friends when discussing this affair. “She had no business going to his room”, was the opening remark. The ladies put the blame squarely on her shoulders all agreeing that Mike was duped into a kind of sexual entrapment situation. They all, which is interesting to note, agreed that, because she was to blame, she also should have gone to jail.”
“G, I get what you’re saying but you can’t be serious when you say that seduction is the same as rape?”
“Lorenzo, let me finish. I’m not saying this because it’s not a black or white issue and loaded with gray zones. I full well realize the brutality of rape, but I just want to raise the point by asking this question: “Who suffers more- the guy whose life is ruined by a cunning seductress or a woman who has been raped one time? Look what’s happening at our universities where I believe the administrators play out their sexual fantasies on the students. They put them together in dormitories where they drink, drug and gals walk around thinly garbed with partially bare breasts showing and accentuated rear ends frequenting the same lavoratories provoking hard-ons. And the horny guys always get blamed after the gals turned them on, make whoopee with them, then blame the guys who invariably get the blame and the accompanying punishment. It’s the gals’ word against the guys, and the scared shit administrators invariably rule in favor of the gals.
“After this mingling of the sexes first began, I had dinner with a dean and his wife, good people, at my home. I voiced my concern that men at that age with testosterone mightily flowing to the brain and genital zones would be walking around with erections and thinking of sex instead of mathematics and Aristotle’s classic book on ethics. And the women, fully aware of men’s horniness and armed with contraceptives, would naturally be tempted to seduce men. They brushed my concerns aside and said they all are used to it, and it is not nor will it be a problem. Now look what’s happening!
“Look, Lorenzo, true rape is an abominable act, and the guys should pay the price. In my old Italian neighborhood, if a guy raped a lady, he would risk his life if he walked around the neighborhood because the guys would beat the shit out of him. But what I’m saying is that destructive seduction, be it teasing or more in depth, should not be given a free pass in male-female sexual controversies.”
“Okay, G: What’s the solution? You’ve just presented a complicated subject which it’s difficult to determine what is true rape or true seduction where both a man and woman lose their free will to consensual sex. Do you have one?”
I could hear G puffing on his pipe and sipping his martini which is a signal that he’s heavy in thought. Out of the blue G blurted out, “President Kennedy once said, ‘Life is not fair’.” He then returned into his cocoon of silence once more thinking, puffing and sipping away. “Lorenzo, we have all kinds of laws and policies regarding the definition of the act of rape which vary with each state and organizations. It’s time we have the same safeguards for men. Someone should write a prototype law- let’s call it the Female Seduction Entrapment Law- based on the indisputable fact that men are much, much hornier than women, have less free will in the act of sex and should factor in any controversial sex dispute regarding who’s the blame and who should pay the emotional and financial price. Tough to do but obligatory in order to reduce increasing sexual chaos. Then states and others can review it and consider it in broadening their rape laws to include seduction.
“Lorenzo, don’t you know Bill Cosby?”
“Yes, but not well.”
“How would do you think a fair way would be to handle his situation? What would be the proper legal approach?”
“G, that type of solution is in your territory so why don’t you come up with it?”
There was brief pause, and I could hear his puffing rate increase. He then replied, “You bet-in a future post.”
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average age of Americans who lose their virginities (defined here as vaginal sexual intercourse) is 17.1 for both men and women. The CDC also reports that virgins make up 12.3 percent of females and 14.3 percent of males aged 20 to 24. That number drops below 5 percent for both male and female virgins aged 25 to 29 and goes as low as 0.3 percent for virgins aged 40 to 44.
I found these interesting facts published in an article in March issue of The Atlantic, “On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss” by JonFortenbury. The author reports “those who don’t have sex during their teen years are in the minority, but the reasons for – and effects of – waiting differ for everyone. Of course the CDC statistics only represent heterosexual penile-vaginal sex. The question of “what is virginity?” obviously has a different answer in the LGBT community. And straight people, too, sometimes feel that oral or anal sex counts as virginity loss. Still, the most common definition of virginity loss is penile-vaginal intercourse, as Planned Parenthood points out on its website.”
Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky gave a whole new meaning to “having sex” that had a memorable historic impact. Monica is back in the headlines this week reminding us of her sexcapades with the President as a 19 year old White House intern. She is speaking out against bullying by the media and trying to help others. According to Bill, “he did not have sex with that woman”, so perhaps she was still a virgin. Sadly for Monica, her last name became synonymous with the sexual act of fellatio. WOR’s Mark Simone takes us down a Monica Memory Lane by posting Bill’s famous video interrogation about sex on his website.
The Atlantic article continues “Statistically, if you didn’t have sex in your teen years, you’re in the minority. But most people I asked in my unscientific poll felt virginity loss wasn’t “late” if the person was still college-aged. Many thought 25 was the first late age. One friend told me that for secular people, “late” is 20 and older, and for religious people, 40 and older. The popular 1999 film American Pie suggests that late is freshman year of college. And the character Jess (played by Zooey Deschanel) on New Girl stated in a flashback in a recent episode, ‘In three years, I’ll be 25. I can’t rent my first car as a virgin. They’ll know’.”
For better or worse, there is a difference between the sexes and the experience of losing one’s virginity. I do not have a daughter. My son is in his early 20’s and I have shared many anxiety fraught conversations with mothers of girls on the other side of puberty. Loss of virginity in high school was common place for both sexes. Raging hormones, peer pressure, alcohol and sometimes drugs or perhaps just for fun played a role in the loss of virginity. Some were in relationships and others had multiple partners. Often the girls were more aggressive than the boys, particularly when they entered college. Access to birth control was easy. Many of the moms confided they wanted to be sure their daughters had access to the pill for fear of unplanned pregnancy. When this particular age group continued to college as freshmen in 2010, sex was just a regular routine for most – like a good movie or a tasty meal.
I do know a handful of young women in different parts of the country who entered their freshman year of college as virgins. Some were ashamed of their sexual status to the point it made me think of Hester Prynne in Nathanial Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. Instead of Hester’s scarlet A for adultery in puritanical times, they are burdened with a shameful V for virgin in contemporary times.
During my 90 year old mother’s generation virginity was considered a treasure sacredly saved for marriage. When the pill arrived in the 70s, many college women took advantage of that revolutionary safety net for the fear of pregnancy was gone and replaced the virtue of virginity.
Now it seems you are considered a bit of a freak if you are still a virgin in college. I personally know of a few sweet girls who were very studious and doing well their freshman year, with one exception – they were virgins. Unfortunately, privacy is a thing of the past and sex is a hot topic to be discussed openly in groups of peers or on social media. So everyone knew. These young ladies of 18 were determined to shed their shameful “V” status, despite the fact that they had no boyfriend in the picture or a raging libido. It was a “first” to get over with – like trying an exotic food or riding a bike! I wonder what their own advice will be to their daughters or sons years from now. My advice to any remaining virgins, or single women in general, is to cherish your privacy and carefully select your experiences, for they will last a lifetime!
On the lighter side, I recommend watching the new television series “Jane: The Virgin” on WPIX. It is the story of Jane, a young Hispanic girl, who has tried to do everything right in her life from studying hard to become a teacher to remaining a virgin until she marries her boyfriend of two years. She tries to overcompensate for her mother, who had an unplanned pregnancy at age 16, and never revealed the father’s identity. She chose to have her baby (Jane) and raise her with her abuela‘s or grandmother’s help. Jane’s abuela is very old world Spanish and passionately lectures her granddaughter at a very young age on the importance of remaining a virgin until marriage.
One day Jane goes to her doctor for a routine PAP smear and patient records get mixed up. She fatefully receives artificial insemination instead and soon discovers, much to her surprise, she is a pregnant virgin! Her mother believes her lament that she is still a virgin and falls to her knees to thank God for La Immaculata, the virgin birth. Chaos ensues within the family. There is a developing story about the donor father, who didn’t know his frozen sperm was defrosted by his scheming unfaithful wife, who got the PAP smear meant for Jane.
All sorts of issues, both serious and entertaining, are raised. I recommend you tune in to watch these episodes on demand and follow the story. There is humor and pathos and lessons to be learned. I predict Jane will have the baby and still remain a virgin until she marries!
While searching for a picture to highlight this post, I came across this wonderful poem by Robert Herrick for your reading pleasure!
TO THE VIRGINS, TO MAKE MUCH OF TIME.
by Robert Herrick
GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.
That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry:
For having lost but once your prime
You may forever tarry.
We have entered the age of squealers and/or whistleblowers, a more modern term. The difference between the two is sometimes difficult to define. Before I go on, I must tell you about my cultural mindset. Years ago, in my old Italian neighborhood, a squealer was the lowest form of human life and, for this reason, this “act of betrayal” was a rarity for fear of substantial retribution. Do you remember what Tony Soprano did to Pussy who was squealing to the Feds?
In the late 90’s the white woman airline attendant, Suzen Johnson, lured the famous football star, Frank Gifford, to a hotel room in Manhattan and secretly videotaped their sexual encounter. She then went public with it, and it received enormous media coverage. It’s said she was paid lots of dough not only for the video but for going public as a squealer.
I was fully expecting that much of the outrage would justifiably be directed toward that “traitor” woman. Not so! The betrayed man bore the entire brunt of the cultural beating while she enjoyed her fame and new found riches. G and I were dumbfounded that there was virtually no male, let alone female, support for Gifford.
Let’s jump to President Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky episode. After it became a hot national issue, several of his past white honeybuns came forth with stories of their sexual relationships. And hardly a critical finger was directed at these white lady squealers while our President took a beating. Media and other males deserted the poor guy. G and I were truly stupefied by the absence of male- white or black- let alone female- criticism of these ladies.
(The recent emergence of Lewinsky and the dynamics of the attack on her by women have nothing to do with the sexual event).
Jumping ahead in time, we come to the Tiger Woods scandal. This man, one of the greatest golfers of all time, shares a joint Asian –Black heritage. And he, like the great Frank Sinatra and members of his Rat Pack, is a horny guy and the types who are also understandably besieged by bedroom-promising women seeking experiences beyond the normal routine.
(Many famous men from Hollywood to the sports world, like Tiger Woods, prefer hookers for sexual relief therapy because of the lack of a risk of personal attachment which women of all types often seek with the rich and famous).
Well, from out of the “woodworks” squealing hooker women went public describing in detail Tiger’s sexual propensities which lead to a nasty divorce. They were all white ladies. G and I were hoping that, unlike the timid white media and politician males, the black and hopefully the Asian guys would come to his defense. But they, like the timid white guys, all puzzlingly remained silent not daring to criticize these squealing ladies. White women, however, launched vicious attacks on the man while Asian and black women remained silent.
Then came Elliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner, both politicians, where the women unabashedly went public with details of the sexual encounters, both real and imaginary, and these guys took humongous personal hits. And, yes, you guessed it; the ladies were all white, and all knew that they would escape the criticism of being judged as lowly squealers. They, instead, wreaked economic benefits from their betrayal as well as recognition which is a normal human drive.
G mentioned that the squealing white women phenomenon may not be the rule because of the Mike Tyson case involving a black woman. He was a great fighter who worked his way up from poverty to the heavyweight world championship. But this affair was different than the others because, after agreeing to go to his bedroom, the black woman accused him of rape and not of having past sexual encounters as with the aforementioned men. Anyway, the guy was convicted and went to jail. G and I, based on past history, were sure that the timid white guys would not come to his defense. But we were surely expecting that the male black leaders would come to his defense based on what a group of old neighborhood ladies expressed to G and me one night over dinner. “Why the hell did she go to his room; for tea and biscuits? She was asking for trouble. She’s to blame.” Right or wrong is not the issue here. Black men, a few of whom I personally know, though they agreed with these ladies, unanimously remained silent.
Here’s a recent case of a non-white woman squealing on an old white male. The young, attractive Black- Mexican, V. Stiviano, secretly taped a conversation with her 81 year old sugar daddy, Donald Sterling. While ostensibly having sex he made some racist remarks which she made publically available. It’s important to note that, as with the Tyson case, this did not involve the exposé of the sex life of a male but for other reasons. And, as also with Tyson, the squealer lady escaped entirely unscathed with one outstanding exception: the dynamic 86 year old baseball legend, Tommy Lasorda, who went to bat for his old friend. Regarding Stiviano’s act of betrayal, he remarked, “”And I don’t wish that girl any bad luck, but I hope she gets hit with a car.” This statement was virtually completely ignored by the media.
Here’s another point that remains in the shadows of human behavior which G and I believe must be increasingly common: it’s blackmail! We had a very close late friend who was a solid family man. He was introduced to an extremely seductive white woman who was paid by a male competitor seeking to lure him to her bedroom where the sexual encounter was videotaped. He succumbed and underwent nightmarish psychological blackmail torture.
Preliminary conclusion: Asian, Black and Hispanic women are not nearly as inclined as White women to squeal on their sexual relationships with men. Asian, Black, Hispanic and White males do not squeal on their sexual relationships with women. To date, this appears to be true with polyamorous and homosexual parties. It’s primarily the White woman sex squealer who should raise concern to all men.
It must be clearly stated that this only the opinion of G and me, and there is no solid medical-scientific evidence to support this conclusion about white women. But we believe there is enough evidence to send a sign of caution. Our culture is definitely supporting such women encouraging all women to betray men- and it will spread to other sexual territories. Though romantically tough to do, some have recommended that, particularly with repeated or long-term sexual relationships, a contract should be signed between the parties including polyamorous ones regardless of cultural backgrounds. An example of such a contract can be found on The Decrapitation Society website. http://thedecrapitationsociety.com/2012/03/29/the-power-of-the-mens-quest-for-orgasms-manizers-and-the-need-for-a-protective-sexual-disclaimer-contract-for-them/