G and I recently read an article about the classic, unforgettable faking-orgasm, dinner scene in the movie, When Harry Met Sally (1989), starring Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal. He thinks he’s a great lover but Ryan reminds him that women are expert at faking orgasms, and many could have faked them in order to please him which, of course, he stubbornly refuses to believe. To prove her point, she puts on a legendary convincing faking -orgasm performance which, between you and me, was so good that I thought she was enjoying herself so much that it was the real thing! But that’s another story.
The talented director, Rob Reiner, in an attempt to coach Ryan on how to portray the scene, acted out a faking –orgasm moment and, according to Ryan, he worked up a mighty sweat doing it. Maybe he, like Ryan, may have enjoyed it, if you know what I mean. But that’s also another story!
But here’s a delightful, impromptu event. Reiner’s mother, Estelle, was in the movie playing the role of a diner sitting at the next table. After Ryan performed her orgasm scene, she suggested to her son that she should say, “I’ll have what she’s having.” And her son agreed after which it went viral even to this day it is talked about among those older than our Millennials.
Reiner, with his innate sense of humor remarked, “How sick is this? I’m doing this in front of my mother.”
Anyway, this article got G and me talking about our thoughts on both sexes faking orgasms. Most of what is written and discussed deals with women doing it. We concluded that it’s probably due to the fact, for whatever reasons, it is more common with women because women have more reasons for faking it. Also, it’s easier for them to do because they don’t ejaculate like men. For sure, the wearing of a condom makes it easier for men but many don’t wear them, particularly since many women are on oral contraceptives. Also, most men don’t use them with women past the child-bearing age. Surveys report that condom- less men also fake orgasms and supposedly get away with it. It’s puzzling how. Here’s another fact that’s puzzling. It’s the erection. In many men who lose interest, it disappears! So how can they fake it?
G and I both strongly believe that the art of faking orgasms lightens the burden of life, particularly for women. This point has unforgivingly been absent from the professional and lay media. Our lives are being effectively inundated with way overrated messages about the wonders of sex. It’s as if your phantasies should be fulfilled every time you copulate. It just ain’t so. Not even close. Many times one partner, either the man or the woman, have no interest in copulating or indulging in other types of sexual acts. Even if they do, they quickly get it over with after their happy moment searching for immediate peace and quiet.
The reasons behind faking orgasms are multiple most boiling down to “just not being in the mood” but oftentimes just wanting to please the partner. Commonly, particularly in married and working women, they’re just plain tired or under stress worrying about problems regarding their kids at school or financial obligations or the pain- in- the- ass boss at work. Also, many are not turned on by their partners at that or any moment or, as I mentioned before, not that interested in sex in general, an underappreciated but common feeling. There are, of course, other reasons that you ladies and gentlemen are well aware of and need no explanation from G and me!
Now to faking it, and why, in many cases, it’s essential: We are assuming that, except for the powerfully hormone driven young, most men and women would like to please their lovers. Driven by our sexual revolution, American young males remind us of the American bison commonly incorrectly called a buffalo. A couple of months before mating, the bison has a huge sexual surge in his testosterone and urge to copulate but the females in the herd are not yet ready to accept penile insertion. He, out there in the plains, wants to eliminate competition so he fights other male bisons, sometimes even to the death and loses much of his body weight in doing so. Then, when he senses that the lady bison is in heat, he somehow locates her in the herd, mounts her and strokes away for only 15 seconds to have his happy moment after which he walks away forever! Such is the immense power of the young male sex drive.
So what’s our point? Unless one is a bison there is a lot of psychology in having an orgasm. Though there are little good clinical data on this subject, common sense and experience tells us that most men and women, in addition to their personal pleasure and deep down feelings, want to share sexual intercourse with their mates. And many times the best way to accomplish this altruistic goal is by faking orgasms! It’s nothing more than a “white lie” which oftentimes makes life easier.
As I was about to post this piece, I thought whether G had experiences with women faking orgasms. I also thought that he, with his track record of pleasing about 300 women, would be, like Billy Crystal, and deny that it could possibly happen to a man who made love to more women than Casanova.
The first response I elicited from him after asking the question was a hearty burst of laughter. “Sure it happened. I may be good but I ain’t that good.” He wholeheartedly agrees that the white-lie art of faking orgasms, in many cases, can make for a more harmonious sex life.
In a previous post we discussed what G and I believe is becoming an increasingly common sexual movement, Dabbling. It’s when two women and a man or the other way around periodically, but not at all that often, have sexual encounters with an agreement that such events are only meant for sexual play, fantasy fulfillment and gratification. What’s interesting is that it’s with the same trio for an extended period where the threesome is comfortable with each other. I know of one dabbling trio where the lady only looks on and masturbates while her male and female companions make dominating love scenes. It’s also mutually understood that it’s not for any serious long term relationship among the three which we, for the record, find hard to believe that it can happen without problem creating emotional involvement. It comes in many human forms involving married, divorced and single men and women in a variety of mixtures. It’s not a classic ménage a trois pattern where the threesome get together is not that permanent, and the parties often change.
I decided to do some additional homework on dabbling and mini-interviewed three people who I know and who are very knowledgeable and experienced with the current sexual goings-on. One is a wealthy attractive divorcee in her late 40’s; the other is a lady manager in her late 30’s with an inviting smile and the third, a very successful businessman in his early 50’s who, like G, loves just being with women of all types in a variety of situations .
The wealthy woman has a group of wealthy, divorced women in her circle of friends. She told me that the subject of dabbling –trisexuality is oftentimes raised at their social gatherings but no one has yet openly admitted to partaking of it. She, however, has her strong suspicions that a few of them already have dabbled. The vivacious lady manager told me that she knows two women who each are in the early phases of dabbling with a married couple have but would not speak of the details. Also, she would not speak of herself, which might have been a dabbling affirmation in itself.
The businessman came up with perhaps a more concrete possibility of the potential breadth of national dabbling-trisexuality. After he read my previous blog, he called one of his close friends who belongs to a Swingers Club regarding whether dabbling –trisexuality had landed at his club. The friend said that it may be catching on. He knows of a couple of male members who have found two women who feel sexually comfortable with each other and have begun a potential long term dabbling. They haven’t been seen at the club during the last month.
He told me that the Swingers Club is only a couple of miles from my home, and I should pay it a visit. Frankly speaking, I was tempted for it’s a world that I don’t know and which I should. I called G, explained the situation and asked him whether I should go. “Lorenzo, I hate to say this, my friend. You will, by far, probably be the oldest male there and an object of curiosity, particularly by the women, rather than a potential sex partner. You may end up feeling like a horse’s ass. Maybe I could swing it, but I ain’t about to try.”
I was kind of pissed- off at what he said and was about to tell him about the daughter or niece of the famous opera composer, Richard Wagner, and one of the greatest orchestral conductors of all time and equally lover of women, Arturo Toscanini. She, 50 years his junior, had very hot potatoes for this Italian lothario and pursued him everywhere.
But there’s something that piqued my curiosity. A bisexual man posted on his blog that women who are not emotionally into threesomes are, nevertheless, joining dabbling groups in order to get a man. They do it by mostly faking orgasms!
FYI, one night, after my evening martini, I was curious enough to venture to that club. But the insurmountable problem is that my bedtime hour comes about the time the swingers begin to “communicate.”
When I was in my early teens, way before the sexual revolution and, would you believe, before oral contraceptives, most men and women experienced sex for the first time during their first honeymoon night. There were, however, a few sexually prolific women who bedded with more than a few men. For protection against pregnancy and venereal disease they relied on men’s condoms and their diaphragms. Depending to what man you were talking to, these ladies would be called either “sluts” or “pigs” after which frequently followed, “Imagine marrying a pig like that.” But they, unsurprisingly, welcomed the opportunity to hit the sack with them.
Now here’s a point that reveals alot for it was prevalent throughout our national culture and not just in the territories of my experiences. Women generally expressed overt disgust and, might I say, “condemnation” toward the prolific women. But their take on prolific men was entirely different. If I had to sum it up, their general expressions on these guys would be something like, “That’s the way men are.” These words of apparent resignation were not infrequently accompanied by a slight smile either on the lips or in the eyes or both. Yes, there were negative expressions but usually lacking conviction reflecting the values of the times. I cannot remember any woman, though I’m sure they existed, who claimed she would never marry a man who has bedded with multiple women.
For many years after, my conversations with many men and women regarding their take on prolific sexual ladies never changed.
But I became convinced that after the sexual revolution began energetically moving forward, both the male and female mindset had changed and everything was copacetic. To support my belief, I understand that discussing the number of previously bedded partners among couples is becoming increasingly commonplace. Frankly speaking and as I mentioned in previous posts, I am disturbed about multiple partners because it will inevitably lead, among other impacts, to a surge in national jealousy- a pervasive destroyer of man- woman affection and love.
Let me tell you about a recent encounter I had at my home with an attractive, intelligent, divorced and well-to- do lady in her upper 40’s. (To you cynics, women at that age are still attracted to geriatric me- occasionally)! She was delightful company, the kind of woman that you love to dine and converse with over good food and good drinks. There’s nothing like it. Ask G. Also, I was considering asking her for a date, which I rarely do these days.
During the conversation she, for reasons which puzzled me, volunteered the fact that she had slept with about 20 different men. That immediately diminished my desire to see her again. The reason? Frankly speaking, I’m not sure. If I were a younger man, the reason would be one that G always talks about. If you are a man or woman in the early phases of potentially falling in love with someone you can’t trust, draw the line and walk away in order to avoid debilitating suffering. But in this case, that wasn’t the issue- or at least I think so.
Then during the last month I had three different enlightening encounters with men. The first was with three college students of a reputable Catholic university which is somewhat conservative. The second was with two college students of a reputable, very liberal university. The third was a very unique and extremely enjoyable encounter with about 15 men ranging from ages 25 to 50, some divorced, some married and the rest single. It was a mixed group including public servants, postgraduate students and successful businessmen. Boy, did I have a good stimulating evening on this festive occasion. I relentlessly quizzed them, and they gave it back. I was proud of them.
I asked their opinions on sexually prolific women. What a surprise! They all unanimously echoed what I heard in the past. “We love to hit the sack with them but no-way marry them. They’re sluts.” Only a couple used the pig term.
The five college students were virtually unanimous about prolific women and echoed what the 15 men had expressed. There are college women who are prolific and the guys seek them out for sexual relief but none had respect and would never consider marrying them. Also like the 15 men, most of the guys called them sluts and pigs only intermittently.
What I don’t know is how today’s women view prolific men and women. In fact, I’m not sure in today’s world when a woman is considered prolific. There is pressure on young ladies to surrender their virginity and many parents know and accept this. But that is not a definite sign that it would be OK with them if their daughters bedded indiscriminately.
But there’s little doubt that today’s women take a more flexible position when it comes to judging their sexually prolific counterparts. But I have a hunch they still have some serious reservations, and I’ll make the effort to interview them to find out.
Regarding their take on prolific men, in my interviews with the women I’ll bring it up. I’m curious as hell to find the answer! I must be honest. I have a hunch what they will say. After all, most women who I know are attracted to womanizers like Jack Nicholson and Warren Beatty.
There’s a larger message regarding these mindsets which, frankly speaking, is not clear to me. After my lady interviews, some thinking and bouncing off G, I’ll get back to you in Part II.
G and I have received more than a few requests to talk more about the book. In our conversations we frequently refer to it throughout all our blogs without mentioning its content. We decided to publish the table of contents but, much to our surprise, Endorfina beat us to it in a previous post (Cupid Bragina by Endorfina). So, instead, we decided to post the reviews that are mentioned on the book jacket. Here goes:
“Hold on to your skirts, Ladies. It’s going to be a bumpy ride that will knock your panties off! I can understand why women read this book in 48 hours!” –After Dark Show with Ande Lyons
“’G’, the anonymous hyper-sexual subject of Lorenzo Baccalà’s steamy and generally compelling book…Though readers may sigh on occasion over G’s oversized Id and his obvious womanizing, they’re just as likely to pull up a velvet seat and hear more.” -Blueink
“Baccalà writes well and the story flows easily. It is little tidbits that excite more discussion…Chapters are short and can easily be read by one partner to another as a form of foreplay which tremendously increases the utility of the book.” -Foreword Clarion
“A quick, lighthearted skip through one man’s sexual conquests … full of reflections unclouded by political correctness or incredulity… the book explores everything from the finer points of oral sex … to differences among Asian women.” -Kirkus Indie
“When you read the title you might think this is a tell-all about a man who thought he was the best lover, and although the man knew his limits, he also understood the interaction. The book is written as a series of interviews or conversations between two old friends, the author and G. Whether it is actually a true story or not doesn’t really effect the story. G explains to his friend, who is quite skeptical at first all the adventures of his life. He has learned what is pleasing to a man and a woman, and how to achieve maximum pleasure. As you read the book, each chapter talks about a different act or circumstance and how it worked best and what made it memorable and enlightening. If anything, it could be used as a manual by men and women alike to understand the other better and learn to pleasure each other a little more than looking out for themselves. There are a number of topics, some which might not appeal to some readers, but overall I felt it was more of a book meant to make people think about how they approach sexual interactions, and maybe, just maybe change a little of that thinking to make it all that much better.” -Michelle Randall
There are also a number of reviews on Amazon.com by men and women who have read the book. If any of you do read the book we’d like to hear from you by posting your opinions- yes, we can handle negative ones- on Amazon.