Much has been written about all kinds of talents which make a man a great lover. The list is long, and there is no specific formula.
Increasingly, there are mentions in the media that one characteristic of a significant percentage of great male lovers is androgyny, which means that a man has so-called feminine qualities such as kindness, tenderness and consideration. Androgynous men are not to be confused with feminine men. The word derives from the Greek word, androgyne, which means a combination of a man and woman. Androgynous men are supposed to have other bisexual characteristics and, not infrequently, are also supposed to have male lovers.
Generally speaking, throughout history the subject of bisexuality has been cited as part of the human condition. (More about this in later posts).
History is loaded with bisexual events even with the gods. Way back in India, the Hindu God and procreator of life, Prajapati, split himself in half into a man and woman. Both halves then copulated with each other in order to produce a child. Also, I remember seeing a 17th century painting of the Roman gods, Mercury and Venus, where their offspring was Siamese- twins connected having both male and female genitalia.
In Betsy Prioleau’s excellent and surprisingly comprehensive book, Swoon, she examines what characteristics make a man a lady killer from way back in history to today. There’s a chapter entitled, Androgyny, along with the quote, “The more feminine the man…the higher the hit rate with the opposite sex.” Her point, and that of many other current writers, is that androgyny is a part of bisexuality. She cites some interesting male examples such as the poet Lord Byron and Socrates’s drinking buddy, Alcibiades. Her apparent favorite deals with the great actor of the past, Gary Cooper- and he was great. She attributes his enormous success as an incomparable ladies’ man to his “ravishing androgyny.” Over his long career, he slept with many a damsel and almost every one of his leading ladies. Women fell all over him to lure him to their lairs. In the movies he was a “real man… with quick fists and nerves of steel. But women saw a different side of him. Six foot three and “more beautiful than any other woman except Garbo,” he merged a feminine sweetness, tenderness, and artistic sensitivity with his masculine swank.” Wow!
Those of you who follow my posts know that I consider the results of studies, surveys and opinions of many experts in the field of sex are not as reliable as those in medicine or physics. That’s not to say I don’t respect them- I do- but they do make me wonder as I do about the androgyny factor.
I decided to bounce the androgyny theory off – you guessed it- G. The following is, with edit, G’s take on androgyny:
“Lorenzo, we both know there is no answer. The most effeminate guys turn women off. It’s the same with the real crude, rough guys. Some lady killers are not androgynous and some are. And, the androgynous pushers are making the questionable assumption that tenderness, consideration and sweetness are mainly in the female personality and are exceptions when found in a man. When a woman comes across a guy with these “feminine characteristics” they are, for some reason, overwhelmed by the unexpected and want to hit the sack with him.
“Honestly speaking, over the years I did have conversations with more than a few of my lady friends about the ingredients which make a man a superior lover, and they did sometimes mention kindness and all the rest. But to repeat, lots of guys are kind and women rate them as masculine duds. And though not recorded as much as their victories, great lovers, androgynous or not, are turned down by lots of women.
“To repeat, there is no specific formula, and it all boils down to whether the guy impacts a woman’s brain neurons- in one way or another. Sex is all about the BGL or Brain Genital Law and how a man and woman connect with their neurotransmitters creating the powerful chemistry of attraction. It’s what the neuropsychiatrist, Louann Brizendine, calls the “brain architect of love.” It’s a combination of factors each suited for different couples. Researchers still don’t get the BGL.
“Now that we’re talking about it, here’s something that more than a few ladies told me about why they were highly attracted to me- Lorenzo, I’m not singing my praises – and which I’ve never read about. It’s unpredictability. They never knew what I would do next which excited them. It was like a sexual adventure with an unknown outcome where they’re going to where they’ve never been before. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that unpredictability is a huge magnet to women’s sexual desires. Some guys have it and some guys don’t.”
Most kissing has nothing to do with sex. Its application ranges from a good morning and family friend greetings and goodbyes to encounters among diplomats. Depending on the circumstances, it’s an expression of love, recognition, respect, support and a reminder of the value of relationships. French kissing is not permitted!
Here’s a riddle for you: There is an annual event at Stanford University where the freshman are obligated to kiss the upper class students at the command of the latter. Make no doubt about it- the air is not scented with perfume but with spirits of the liquid kind. Is this a ritual of sex or student camaraderie?
It is believed that the kiss originated in India. When Alexander the Great conquered India and was eating lamb in Punjab, he saw lots of kissing going on. He liked it so much that he took the custom back to Greece where it was accepted. But it was the Romans who went bananas over kissing and spread the custom throughout the empire eventually taking root in the Western world. It is also mentioned in the Song of Songs in the Old Testament: “May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.”
It’s puzzling, as with many things sex related, there are very few good clinical studies evaluating the nature of kissing. Jan Hoffman wrote an interesting column in the New York Times about a survey conducted at Oxford University on hundreds of men and women who were asked about their feelings on kissing in romantic relationships. One controversial finding was that kissing does not play a significant role in stimulating sexual arousal and vice versa. Another major finding was that most consider kissing as more important in maintaining relationships and happiness, as mentioned above, than in the act of sex. I would agree with the latter.
I called G, my friend who kissed at least 300 women before and during the act of sex, to get his take on the study. Much to my surprise he wasn’t surprised at all. “Like many studies, the interpretation of the results regarding the act of sex are misleading. Please take note that not everyone in the study said that kissing was not involved in sexual arousal but only the majority. As I mentioned in the book, most men and women are not great at kissing and have not developed it as a sophisticated act of arousing their partners. That’s one reason why those surveyed in the study did not rate it high in sexual arousal. Most were not good kissers!”
“I hate to interrupt you, my friend, but if there are no good studies on the subject, how do you know that men and women are not good kissers?”
“From my personal experience and my survey. Most of my lady friends were not good kissers, and I had to take time with them and coach them to get it right. And, believe it or not, it worked most of the time which is very encouraging news for it’s a quick learn. Men and women should take note. Also, during my conversations with the ladies, when the subject came up- and it frequently did- most of them complained that men were not good kissers. Bad kissing up front is a big sexual downer. If I remember correctly, there was a Gallop Poll which reported that the majority of men and women are sexually turned off by bad up-front kisses which confirms my personal experiences.
“Lorenzo, as I explained in the book, a kiss is a very sophisticated act and is not isolated to lips on lips or tongues on tongues contact only. It must be harmonize with other physical and verbal acts. Before I forget, I’m talking about high level sex where the artful kiss is, without question, the essential bridge from prolonged foreplay to prolonged and high level copulation.”
“G, did I get you right? Did you say that it doesn’t take a great effort to teach somebody to kiss properly?”
“You’ve got it half right. I taught women- not men! I just don’t know about the latter. Lorenzo, I mentioned before in one of your interviews, someone who really knows about the art of love-making should start a school.”
“G, anything else before we call it a day?”
He paused and then laughed heartily. “I’m a little pissed off at myself. In one of your previous post you mention that the dynamic Italian poet lover, Gabriele D’Annunzio, ‘fondled eyelids with his tongue’ which drove the women crazy. That’s something I didn’t do and beg pardon from all my lady friends for this unforgiveable omission.”
Do Women in the Orient Enjoy Sex Much More than Women in the Occident? But do Occidental Women Enjoy Sex Much More then Gorilla Women?
Taoism is a spiritual custom, primarily in China, which embraces the belief in the natural forces of the yin and the yang. In the sexual act the yang is the male ejaculate and the yin is the female vaginal secretions. During sex the yin is believed to contain an abundance of divine energy which it delivers to the male, and, for this reason, men must withhold their ejaculations as long as possible and keep pumping away in order to absorb as much energy as possible from the yin while the women is lying on her back having multiple orgasms.
Tantra, a Hindu custom in India, calls the penis the lingam and the vagina the yoni. As with the Taoists guys, men must instruct their lingams to “hold it in” and not to ejaculate for as long as possible in order to receive the spiritual energy of the yoni. And as with the Chinese ladies, the Indian women lay prone also having multiple orgasms while the male, huffing and puffing and heavy with sweat, is pumping away.
But there is some consolation for the Occidental women for the Occidental male penis, when erected, is the largest and longest of all primates, including the biggest gorillas. The average erection size of the human male penis is about 5.5 inches while that of the gorilla is about 1.24 inches. The average time to come to ejaculation in men is 4 minutes while that of a gorilla is 1 minute. Though it’s impossible to conduct a survey between Occidental women and gorilla women to determine who has more fun during the sexual act, it is reasonable to assume that the latter would come in second.*
Though I haven’t read or heard about this for a long time and don’t know whether this is still believed in our country, it was taught that the ideal consummation of the sexual act was for both partners to experience their orgasms at the same time. This goes against the pleasures Tao and Tantra ladies for obvious reasons. On the other hand, a sign of masculinity in the old days- and I’m not sure whether it still holds- is that a good “stick man” can stroke away for a long time which favors the yang and yoni pleasures of women. I know of no credible data which favors the men’s pleasure in such situations.
*I’ll periodically repeat in my posts that the conclusions of many studies, even sophisticated medical ones, are flawed and the results questionable. I have found this to be overwhelmingly true in the sex literature including human and animal sex measurements. But there are repeated findings that are more or less consistent that should be respected, if not totally swallowed.