About a week after we talked about G’s six seductive words which he considers the most mind- expanding of all his love-making experiences, we had dinner with the widow and her widowed girlfriend who had lost three husbands to disease and wasn’t interested in losing the fourth. She went to the finest schools and has a quick mind.
I think I mentioned this in a previous post, but a woman once told me about the three phases of recognition of a beautiful woman. Up until she reaches middle –age, she’s called “beautiful”. During and a little after middle age she is referred to as, “You’re still beautiful”. After that, when she’s into old-age she’s referred to as, “You must have been a beautiful woman”. The widow’s friend, like the widow, falls into the last category. G believes that the loss of a woman’s beauty is proof of the existence of the Devil. Let me qualify that statement before we move on; his definition of a beautiful woman also encompasses, as he says, “her totality”.
It so happens that after the last post I received a couple of calls from our male friends regarding why G used the exact words, “I’d like to explore your mind,” instead of others. And, surprisingly, the widow’s friend asked the same question during martini time. For some reason, I thought G would not appreciate dealing with this issue for I knew it was intellectually a difficult one to answer, and who wants this scenario when dining with two delightful and wise women who must have been beautiful. But he surprised me for he accepted the challenge, but not as in a debate but out of his own curiosity.
The widow’s friend asked why not say, “I want to explore your mind” or “I’m going to explore your mind”? Then the widow asked, “How about, ’I’m interested in learning about your fantasies but stop me if you don’t want to take this adventure’ or ‘Open up your mind and let me enter’?
G smiled broadly and affectionately looked at both of the ladies and said, “Let’s have a toast.” After the toast he added, “You ladies surprised me. You must have discussed this before tonight.”
The ladies exchanged glances sending silent messages whose content I would have loved to have known.
G then began: “This may surprise you but I never planned how or what I would do or say to a woman in, now don’t forget this, our usual only one night encounters. It just came naturally, and what I did developed over time as I experienced more time with women. But there is a commonality in the mind of women, so it didn’t take me long to discover what that is. My god, what a privilege it is to have experienced it in my lifetime.”
The widow’s friend interrupted and asked, “It must be the same with men. That is, a woman in your role can read the commonality in men’s minds.”
“Of course, I did discuss this with some of my open ladies when we were relaxed and open, but let’s talk about it at another time.”
But the widow’s friend was persistent and insisted, “G, give us at least a hint?”
“Yes. It’s seduction, and I’ve discussed that before.
“That’s all I’ll say about that. Now getting back to why the six words, give me a moment to cogitate on it.”
We then began to dig into what G had prepared for dinner: boiled chicken, celery root and a very small pasta noodle with a creamy sauce lightly sprinkled with thinly sliced scallions and a touch of some type of sharp cheese. And, as usual, it was a knock-out gustatory dinner. With it, he served a zinfandel red wine which oenophiles generally look down upon, but it went just right with the food. The guy really knows about pleasure be it in the bedroom or around the dinner table.
He, out of the blue, asked, “Ladies, let me ask you whether you have any ideas why these words may have been more effective than others?”
The widow, while looking at her friend for approval, softly answered, “G, frankly speaking, we are not experts in this world of yours and want to hear what you have to say before we comment. And we will definitely give you our opinions.”
G smiled a smile of understanding, gulped the zinfandel, gazed at the kitchen ceiling and began. “You know, it’s interesting to think about something that you’ve done with so many women but never realized that you never analyzed why you did it or, in this specific case, used certain words to open a woman’s mind, instead of other words.
“But, as I’m thinking, let me start at the endpoint or the woman’s experience, of why I settled on these words. Now in the beginning of my wonderful adventures with women, I honestly don’t remember what kinds of different words or phrases that I used at that critical point in orgasm time. The endpoint of choosing the right ones was how the women responded and gave me the ‘okay’ to delve more deeply into her mind to achieve what they’ve probably never experienced before and probably never again unless, of course, in their fantasies. Who the hell knows?
“Now, like Lorenzo, I’m getting somewhat clinical and making a diagnosis, but there are two types of responses, and both are always silent. The first, which is the one that fascinates me the most, is when there is total silence – I mean total – without any detectable body movement. Zero! Her silence is, in a real sense, not at all silent but it, somehow and someway, sends me a powerful message that’s she’s ready for me to get to know her more intimately and many voluntarily told me it was a first time experience. Don’t let anyone tell you that silence doesn’t speak for it’s oftentimes more truthful than words! The second is when the woman also remains silent, but makes a very subtle or not so subtle body movement such as slight body stiffening to firmly grasping my forearm. But, in both cases, you must be patient and make sure you receive her go ahead. Now listen to this and how complicated and, yes, mysterious, a woman’s mind is: I don’t recall any woman ever giving me either a verbal okay or a verbal not- to- proceed request. It’s something that always puzzled the shit out of me. But, let me be very clear; the entire process is an art that a man has or doesn’t have. It’s like a seductive woman. She either has it or she doesn’t. Can a man or woman learn this art? In my experience after advising men, a small percentage can. But there’s no doubt in my mind that sex videos and other media sex avenues do the opposite regarding ways to achieve the highest level of fantasy sex. Before I forget, fantasy sex is not, as most believe, simply a momentary unreal event. If done right, it’s long-lived and remains in the mind until father time says it’s time to give it up.”
G then paused, and we all returned to forking our dinner making other sex conversation such as what’s happening on college campuses where hormones are flowing and no one knows what to do about it. There has been some talk about male chemical castration but not a word about female chastity belts.
We all agreed that the celery root was really tasty and the widows asked G for his recipe. He refused to surrender it, which disappointed the ladies who love to cook but lost their interest after the death of their husbands whom they loved very much. But now and then they return to the kitchen to cook new things for friends and family.
G then continued: “Look, I don’t have the answer, but let me tell you what I’ve been thinking about since you brought the subject up. When I say, ‘I’d like to,’ this makes a woman comfortable with me for it’s an option for her to accept or refuse. It’s her decision, not mine. You must remember I’ve spent time with her before these words so she has already made a judgment about me before we got to that point. Also, ladies you must give me some credit. I would not speak these words unless I decided the woman wants to go forward but needs an additional fantasy push.”
Then G does what he typically sometimes does to emphasize a point. He stood up between the ladies and looked down upon them from a controlling, authoritative vantage point. “I would not use, ‘I want to explore,’ because the woman would interpret that as that’s what I want to do to please me instead of me pleasing her which robs her of her options. It would put her on her guard and significantly turn- down or even turn-off her fantasy level, and what a tragedy that would be! If I say, ‘I’m going to,’ it sends the same message and reaction. Now nothing is a hundred per cent and some women, probably those into physical punishment more than usual, would probably respond to the previous two requests, but I have no idea if and how many would. Regarding the other language that you ladies proposed, all that I have to say is that my instincts tell me it won’t work.
“Ladies, that’s all I have to say.”
After dinner, we all had an expresso and then sipped on grappa. There was another pause in the conversation that often occurs when a group is wondering about elusive subject matter. The widow then turned to her friend and remarked, “I don’t know about you, but I like options. How about you?”
Her answer? “What the hell do you think?”
After the erotic romance novel Fifty Shades of Grey was published, sales of kinky sex products jumped dramatically. There were reports that Fifty Shades workshops sprung up where they teach you-know-what. Back then G and I talked about this, and he said that it is extremely difficult to teach and learn to perform the art of mental domination but much, much easier with the physical type. The far superior art of mental domination where sexual fantasies are deeply connected to mental exploration of the mind, emotional sensations and extraordinary orgasms, unlike physical domination techniques, is extremely difficult in a classroom. It’s best done in private, one on one, sessions.
The movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, will be released this Valentine’s Day which, depending on the quality of this difficult to film story, may spark further interest in pursuing domination and submission. G suggests that couples should see the film on Valentine’s Day and at dinner that night while the fire is still hot, instead of giving boxes of chocolate or flowers as gifts, they should share soft ropes and handcuffs.
I recently read an article in the New York Times about where and how the word “masochism” originated. It happened in the beautiful city of Lviv in the Ukraine. It’s about Sacher- Masoch, who lived there in the 19th century and wrote the book, Venus in Furs, which heavily deals with rough sex and domination. The word masochism, which is common in many languages, was coined after him. In the city is the Masoch Café where customers, free of charge, are voluntarily subjected to whips and chains and other painful domination methods. No mention was made of how effective they are in evoking orgasms, but it does mention that the men scream more often and louder than the women- whatever that means.
I called G and told him about the article. He read it and called me back and surprisingly started a non-stop monologue on his philosophy of domination where he covered too much subject matter for a single post. He, as he sometimes does, invites women to his home for dinner where he almost always cooks pasta using his favorite personal recipes. Recently, he invited two attractive, warm and class ladies for his pasta with spinach, but also other secret ingredients that are known only to him. I tasted it once, and it’s a knockout. Both were in their late forties, one divorced and the other widowed. Before I go on, I asked G what’s his definition of a lady of class. He paused and then said, “It’s like what a former Supreme Court Justice- I believe it was Justice Potter- said about pornography; something which you can’t define with words, but you know it when you see it.”
Anyway, like many women, the widow searches for a man on the Internet and usually used Tinder but without much success. Then she tried Zoosk, which G never heard of, but she told him it may be the biggest man-girl searching website. It’s interesting how these two sites differ in their marketing approaches. Tinder just starts with photos, and if two people like the photos, then they take progressive steps to know each other better by revealing more personal information. Zoosk is way different. You give lots of information up front. I have no idea what type of people choose one over the other. She gave G a copy one of the messages from a guy which he forwarded to me. It read, “WHILE YOUR MASTER Waits For YOUR Reply MY Pet, HERE Are “SOME” Of The THINGS YOU Can Look Forward to… Wrist & Ankle Cuffs, Bondage, WAX Play, Nipple and Clit Clamps, FLOGGING…JUST To Name A FEW…DOES This Intrigue YOU MY Pet???”
G asked her how it happened and how she felt about it. She did not provoke this kind of response and had no idea how the message popped up; and she was “disgusted” by it. It revolted her. G believed her, but it also made him think of another point. In G’s experience with women, he performed many domination scenes and has a highly reliable sense of a woman who, whether she knows it or not, likes to be dominated. And, in his opinion, the disgusted widow is one such woman. I asked him why, then, was she so disgusted and revolted by it? He blurted out, “Lorenzo, it’s the way it’s done.” He then quoted the famous Greek orator, Demosthenes who said, “The delivery is what counts.” That’s when he took off on a “masterful” dissertation on the types of domination that women respond to which I recorded, but, because of its length, all are not discussed.
“You’ve got to remember: With a handful of exceptions, my experience deals only with about three hundred women who I was with for only one time. I don’t want to give you the impression that I had domination adventures with them all, but I would say about half at variety of intensities. But there could have been more. Now remember I didn’t do whips and chains, and I can’t really break down the types into clearly specific categories.”
“G, I don’t ever think I asked you the reason why you did them in the first place. Was the hit different than without domination?”
“Lorenzo, as I said in the book, I’m okay in talking about my experiences with women, but not of my personal life. But let me tell you one of my favorite Aesop’s fables stories which may shed some light on the answer to your question. There was a frog that was on the banks of a river getting ready to cross it; I think to see his honeybun on the other side to make love. Anyway, a scorpion approached him and asked if he could hop a ride across the lake by jumping on his back. The frog, flabbergasted, asked the spider if he thought he was stupid because the spider would sting and kill him with his fatal venom. The scorpion then asked whether the frog thought he was nuts for if he stung him for the frog would die and sink and the scorpion would then drown. Well, that made sense to the frog, and he told the scorpion to jump aboard, and so he did. Half way across the river the scorpion stung the surprised frog that couldn’t believe it. He, while slowly sinking and fading away, asked the scorpion why he did it, knowing that he would also die along with the frog. The scorpion replied, ‘I can’t help it. It’s in my nature!’ Lorenzo: Do you get my point?
“Now let’s get to my personal categorization of domination. To be sure, the entire system is complicated with overlapping elements, so it’s easy to punch holes in my thoughts, if one is a very logical person. But life is not logical. Having said that, there is no doubt in my mind of the general validity of my categories.
“There are two domination types- mechanical and mental, but, to repeat, there’s lots of overlap. Men predominate in the first category and women in the second. An example of the mechanical type is when a man visits a professional dominatrix. He walks through the door. They then exchange pleasantries such as ‘good evening’ and ‘how are you’ and ‘what is your preference’? Sometimes, particularly with beginners, she has to relax him enough to open up. Whatever the choice, from kneeling before her and kissing her feet, scrubbing the bathroom floors to being chained and physically punished sometimes in a domination dungeon, it’s almost always accompanied by domination or slavery talk where she demands that she be called mistress. Before the process begins, she gives him preparatory orders, disappears and returns and, as most dominatrix women do, with skimpy black attire and almost always with their black boots. By the way Lorenzo, I could never figure out what’s with everything in black, particularly the black boots. Why not I polka dots or teal? The process, with very little or no foreplay, abruptly begins, and he’s immediately sexually turned- on when she demands that he call her mistress and to become obedient to her every command. After the clock runs out, she’s always checks the clock, she abruptly ends the session. All is suddenly back to normal as it was before. The guy then addresses the lady normally, thanks her, shakes her hand or kisses her goodbye. The key point that I’m making is that the guy knows that it’s not real and knows when his time will be up, dictated by a clock. He knows that the domination was all artificial, and she was not at all serious about it, really not interested in him and anxious to move on to the next customer, start the clock again, fake it until the clock runs out again- and start again to achieve her major objective- make money and not to dominate.
“Mental domination, on the other hand, is entirely different for the woman really believes she’s truly being dominated which is far more mental and fantasy provoking. Also, she knows there is no alarm clock that will go off at a predetermined point in time. Though there are no studies on this, there is little doubt that her sexual pleasure is more intense and prolonged than with the physical type. It’s important to note that my affairs with women were only one night ones, which I think, makes the woman relax up front. My approach leads to a slow crescendo of intense sexual excitement followed by huge orgasms. Now I don’t like to say this because of social values and the wisdom of being discreet; the basic formula for beginning to relax a woman is good drinking and dining at a restaurant, a suite- not a room!- at a hotel, followed by the a nightcap in the suite and sometimes light use of recreational drugs. I could never figure out why a suite is much more conducive to relax a woman, but I quickly learned from my early experiences. And, the right kind of music, which depends on the lady and the mood, is an essential ingredient of the formula. I cannot emphasize this enough.
“And- this is a big – don’t talk about yourself much only enough to bring out the woman. The more she openly talks about her personal self, the more relaxed she becomes. That’s when you get a feel of what’s going on in her mind and what mental subject matter to pursue. She’ll talk about her personal life from her love-life to her frustrations. By the way, there’s nothing more beautiful than being with a relaxed woman- she doesn’t have to be a stunner, but just a gal with average looks- and learn about her. There is nothing like those multiple silent facial expressions, particularly those that flow from the eyes. Paradoxically, generally speaking, men usually, in personal scenes, do the talking and women the listening and, I do believe, it is more natural that way. Women have the inborn quality of receptivity and men naturally respond to it.”
“G, give us some specifics about what you actually do.”
“Wow, you’re still horny at your age! It’s not nearly as important as to what is done, but how it’s done. Don’t forget old Demosthenes. Let me describe my approach whether to get into a domination mode or not. It all depends upon my and the woman’s mood and the impact of the drinks, dinner and other factors. It’s like treating arthritis with pharmaceuticals; the effectiveness all depends upon the dose. When she’s really relaxed and letting her hair down, that’s when you ask probing questions about her love experiences. One door-opener which I found very effective is to ask the question, ‘Have you ever been jealous?’ If she responds to that, then I encourage her to describe what happened in a subtle, soft way. If she does- and I help her getting into details- that’s when I decide to pursue a domination scene, and it almost always works out. And these are the ladies who have the biggest and most frequent orgasms, and, I must say, oftentimes surprising themselves, which pleases me.
“Lorenzo, you’re probably wondering why the jealousy question is the gatekeeper of go-no-go. I don’t have a medical answer, but in my experience, it is. What I frequently bring out in these women are scenes where her best girlfriend or other woman she’s someway attracted to, takes away her boyfriend or husband in scenes where the three are present, particularly when the friend is seducing her man. Scenes such as the woman serves dinner to the girlfriend and the man, and both give her orders, or the girlfriend is turning on and even ordering the man, are common. Ménage a trois scenes are common where the girlfriend- and, to repeat, it could be another woman that’s she attracted to – dominates and orders her husband to watch as she turns the woman on bringing out her fantasies and telling her she will be the servant of her and the man, but emphasizes that the man will be obedient to her.
But it’s critical that I bring out these hidden fantasies by asking probing questions or suggesting scenes some of which she never thought of but passionately responds to. During the fantasy talk her sexual response is tremendously enhanced by light to medium physical punishment from biting on her nipples to spanking and smacking. I’ve found that the highly intelligent and beautiful women take to choking more than the others. Once more, I’m talking to the woman while this is going on. I cannot emphasize enough that the art of talking is the key to sophisticated mental domination.
I want to emphasize that sophisticated, mental domination of a woman makes her forget about time, and she actually enters a virtual world of fantasy and embraces it. Her brain, a mere three pounds of flesh with lots going on, actually makes it real for her and, I have a hunch, it will stay there for a long, long time.
“Before I forget, if I decide it’s not going to be a domination night, I still thoroughly enjoy being with these women. It’s an entirely different experience, but just as beautiful. Beauty wears many faces.”
“Okay. But what is the overhaul secret of your magic, fantasy moments, and what advice would you give to men regarding your know-how? Bottom line, how do you do it?”
I sensed that G was a little bit uncomfortable with this question because I asked it once before, and he was reluctant to answer. And, the same thing happened.
“Lorenzo, you asked me this before, and I don’t have a recipe. It’s not like prostitution. The ladies of the night are not good at sophisticated sex. They are mechanical. I recommended in one of my previous posts or in the book, I don’ remember where, that an entrepreneur should start a chain of these houses of pleasure staffed by women who are taught acceptable sophisticated mental domination methods- both verbal and physical- and the guy or gal would make a fortune and, maybe, save lots of marriages by the resulting sex relief.
“Regarding my advice to men; you either have it or you don’t. If you’re not sure, but interested, give it a try but, take my advice, practice a bit on my experiences and see what happens. Remember, if the first approach doesn’t work, often times by switching gears, the woman will respond. But this takes a bit of experience unless, of course, one is a natural at it. One final note; never rush. Move slowly and always give a sense to a woman that you can and will stop, if she decides to. The woman’s belief that the man can do this is essential for the beautiful experience to be completed.”
Before closing, in the tape G mentioned that there is little difference between a woman’s seduction of a man and man raping a woman. I don’t agree what he said but his point of view, which is thought- provoking, will be on a future post.