G and I recently got together with old friends for good spirits, tasty food and lively conversation. It was a wonderful evening and a habit that should be cultivated for those seeking higher pleasures in life.
As usual, G raised a challenging, unique concept that got us all creatively thinking. Old neighborhood vernacular usually returned to us after a few drinks as when G said, “Guys, and I’m serious about this; I made a discovery regarding a fascinating difference between a man and woman’s culo. I’m a little puzzled about the nature of the difference and really need your input. It could be a major scientific discovery about sex differences.” Normally speaking, the guys would smile and cajole G about such remarks but, recognizing that he was dead serious about the topic, they remained politely silent with attentive facial expressions.
G regularly frequents two busy coffee shops; one in a bustling, sophisticated suburban town and one in a small, peaceful town near his cabin in the mountains. He sits right by the door entrances where the customers pass by him to approach the counters. So he principally observes the backs of the people waiting in line and the fronts only for a brief moment as they are leaving. About a month ago on a very busy Sunday, lots of women were in the suburban coffee shop, which also sells a broad selection of tasty Italian pastries, where they wait in line to be served. Normally, G reads his newspapers or writes only occasionally turning his head to observe the customers’ attire and the comportment of both customer and lady servers. But that Sunday, he decided to take wise Aristotle’s advice and, “Observe, observe and observe.” That’s when his Eureka discovery moment flashed through his brain and has been confirmed ever since not only in the coffee shops, but elsewhere.
“Guys, here’s what I observed what was obvious before but never hit home: there are two general groups of women with, of course, lots of overlap. The first is high school and college age women and the second is from the upper twenties to, let’s say, early fifties. The first group wears cutoff jeans or shorts or whatever you call them right up to their pubic hair zone and the lower rim of their anal cheeks, way shorter than they were in the recent past. A smaller percentage wears leggings. The second group primarily wears black leggings from the hips to the knees or ankles.
“ But here’s what they both have in common. They are all skin- tight as if they were glued onto their flesh. But here’s the point. Both deeply penetrate the crack between the anal cheeks as if there was a powerful, anal vacuum- pump sucking the material in. They all, of course know it, and are evidently comfortable with it both physically and mentally. What is interesting is that I’ve rarely witnessed this suction-pump phenomenon in men. I know when this sometimes happens to me with my jockey shorts, I feel uncomfortable as hell and pull it right out.” The guys all smiled in agreement. Men just don’t like cloth glued into their anal crevices. One of the guys asked G why he thought women take to anal vacuum pumps.
“Now, guys, you may think I’m a pervert- though maybe I am- but scientifically speaking, I can’t answer this question until I know where the anal crevice ends. It disappears between the thighs and where it ends is anybody’s guess. I wondered whether the crevice extended across the anal- vaginal line, which is not visible from the standing position, to the vaginal pubic area which could be visible. If so, it would confirm a continuum from the top of the anal cheeks to across the anal vaginal line to the vagina itself. This would lead to an entirely different interpretation than if the vacuum was limited to the anal cheeks only. But viewing the rear end of a women waiting in line is far different than trying to see her pubic zone when you don’t have much time and she’s facing you while walking. Can you imagine me staring at a bunch of pubic zones as their leaving the coffee shops or anywhere else? I’d quickly end up in the clinker accused of sexual harassment.
“So in order to come up with a reason for the vacuum pumps, I had to know where the crevice ends. To be thorough, I would have to lie on my back and view the anal-vaginal zone while the lady volunteers spread their legs which are not how they are naturally worn. Also, I would have to view the frontal pubic zone without being caught as a voyeur pervert. Of course, with the cutoff blue jeans it would be physically more difficult for the material to be sucked in by the pump- I think!
“I asked three ladies in their mid- twenties and one college gal who wear leggings and know me well enough if they would feel comfortable to be interviewed and have the extent of crevices examined by me. All smiled broadly and readily agreed. Regarding the questions, I asked them a few about why they wore the leggings or cut- off jeans or ‘other’ and why not looser ones. They did, by the way, say that occasionally they wore lose ones but not as often as the tight ones”
One of the guys, Giancarlo, suddenly burst out into hearty laughter and observed, “G, we all know that you were a romantic ass man but now you’ve become an anatomist ass man.”
G sharply shot back, “What do you mean by ‘were’?”
“Believe it or not, the extent of the crevices weren’t clear because it depended on the position. How could I make the examination if they were walking or sitting? So I gave up.
“Oh, by the way, I observed that practically all leggings are black, and I assumed that was due to the fact that black makes the rear end look smaller. ‘No way’, said the girls but I couldn’t get from them a reason why. Also, there’s a study that reports that women perceive other women dressed in red as being sexual competitors and a threat to their men purportedly because men, like bulls, are turned on by red. If this is true why aren’t red leggings out there? I never saw one.”
There was an unusual silence around the dinner table which was rare- very rare- for a group of Italians. I guess it was probably due to the guys waiting to hear what G’s point was. So I, Lorenzo Baccala broke the ice and asked G, “What’s your point?”
“Guys, it’s complicated. Look gals did not wear these things until after the sexual revolution was well on its way. It simply was frowned upon. So I logically concluded that it’s due to a sex factor. Women like to show off their asses while men don’t. By the way, as I mentioned before, a number of women who I’ve been with are attracted by men’s asses, but, I don’t think it would hold true with leggings glued to their crevices. But, who knows?
‘Is it due to women more interested in being sodomized? I don’t think so. In my experience, only a small percentage of women took to sodomy. Is it due to showing off their elegant bodies? Not so. Many human bodies- both male and female- are not so elegant. Also, women with huge rear- ends boldly prance down the street showing off their robust cheeks.”
The waiter served us all with an amaro, a bitter after dinner alcoholic drink, which aids in digestion as well as having a calming effect. Needless to say, we were all waiting for G’s final leggings analysis.
“Alright guys, this is it, and I’m not being Freud for I’ve noticed since my childhood! We all seek recognition in one way or another from how we dress to what we say and what we do. It’s human nature. Now women display their rear ends in leggings or anything that creates crevices from beautiful to not so beautiful to be recognized by men and, yes, other women. There’s something about a rear end that attracts others leading to recognition. The reasons can vary. For example, faithful or not, a woman with a nice rear end can use it simply to show off or sexually influence a man to get what she wants. A woman with a huge rear end does not have the same broad attainable options but she still attracts attention.
“It reminds me of a line in Robert Frost’s poem, Mending Walls, which goes, ‘There’s something about a wall…’ I say. ‘There’s something about a culo’, and I’ll say no more.”
We respected G’s last remark, hordered a second amaro and changed the subject.