Over the years I’ve met and counseled dozens of high school students many of whom are now making more money than I! A couple of days ago I met two of my male and a female “alumni” who are now seniors at three highly regarded universities. For some reason, our conversation turned to the subject of hookingup. It was a learning experience for me, indeed, including the enrichment of my English vocabulary. For example, I now know the meanings of “Friends with benefits” and “Fucking buddies.” The guys had such friends and buddies but the lady did not. I had no reason to doubt their honesty. Bottom line and ostensibly so, hookingup means having sex and orgasms without any other ties, emotional or otherwise. It is becoming increasingly prevalent on university campuses.
Piqued by another “innovative “category of our sexual liberation movement, I decided to do some heavy hookingup homework. Though it is a recent phenomenon, I was surprised to discover that there are some credible surveys (many on sex are not nearly so) characterizing what’s going on. One finding which got me thinking is that this type of sex is trending to oral and anal sex rather than vaginal penetration. Frankly speaking, I’m stumped and would welcome any credible thoughts on the dynamics of this pattern.
I just read a well written review article, In Hookups, Inequality Still Reigns, in, would you believe, the Science Section of the New York Times authored by Natalie Kitroeff. It’s about orgasms! She begins by quoting the frustrations of a young lady who bemoaned the fact that her male “fucking buddy” falls asleep after ejaculation before paying attention to her orgasmic needs. It surprised me that she was surprised. After all, this is what lots of men do.
Ms. Kitroeff, reports on two surveys. The first, led by Justin R. Garcia at Indiana University and researchers at Binghamton University, was conducted on 600 college students. They reported that women were twice as much likely to reach orgasm from vaginal or oral intercourse during serious male- female relationships than in hookup ones.
In the second survey of 24,000 students, it was reported that, during their last hookup, men have twice as many orgasms than women. In contrast, the ladies had far more orgasms in a committed relationship than a hookingup one. This survey lends support to the above mentioned study that the hooked-up clitoris is no match to the hooked-up penis when it comes to orgasms.
I believe that I can safely assume that the vast majority of oldtimer, pre-sexual liberation men and women would not be surprised at the conclusions of these surveys. It is what the wise Catholic theologian, Thomas Aquinas, termed as a “self-evident truth.” But, however, I did momentarily wonder that maybe times had changed. With our rapidly embracing of socially acceptable liberating sex values coupled with modern technology that increasingly allows for safe sex , women might have indeed changed and become more men-like regarding the biologic quest for orgasms.
In two previous posts, I concluded that – now listen to this!- women are different than men when it comes to sex! This was impressively expressed by Robyn, the simpatica waitress at my local Italian restaurant, when she, regarding the differences in volume sex between the sexes, exclaimed, “It’s women. It’s expectations. Women have greater expectations!”. Women view it on a higher emotional level. Another survey reported that women who cheat on their husbands do so because they feel “more appreciated” with their lovers.
I’d like to make a personal observation with respect to marriage and other long-term relationships: Hookingup for both men and women is a training ground for divorce as well as the breakdown of non- marriage long term, man-women cohabitation. It becomes a kind of habit and makes it psychologically easier to cheat.
And cheating will, in a number of ways, lead to great, insupportable emotional stress for both men and women resulting into permanent separation in many. That’s a “self-evident truth.”