Kissing and High-Level Sex

Most kissing has nothing to do with sex. Its application ranges from a good morning and family friend greetings and goodbyes to encounters among diplomats. Depending on the circumstances, it’s an expression of love, recognition, respect, support and a reminder of the value of relationships. French kissing is not permitted!

Here’s a riddle for you: There is an annual event at Stanford University where the freshman are obligated to kiss the upper class students at the command of the latter. Make no doubt about it- the air is not scented with perfume but with spirits of the liquid kind. Is this a ritual of sex or student camaraderie?

It is believed that the kiss originated in India. When Alexander the Great conquered India and was eating lamb in Punjab, he saw lots of kissing going on. He liked it so much that he took the custom back to Greece where it was accepted. But it was the Romans who went bananas over kissing and spread the custom throughout the empire eventually taking root in the Western world. It is also mentioned in the Song of Songs in the Old Testament: “May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.”

It’s puzzling, as with many things sex related, there are very few good clinical studies evaluating the nature of kissing. Jan Hoffman wrote an interesting column in the New York Times about a survey conducted at Oxford University on hundreds of men and women who were asked about their feelings on kissing in romantic relationships. One controversial finding was that kissing does not play a significant role in stimulating sexual arousal and vice versa. Another major finding was that most consider kissing as more important in maintaining relationships and happiness, as mentioned above, than in the act of sex. I would agree with the latter.

I called G, my friend who kissed at least 300 women before and during the act of sex, to get his take on the study. Much to my surprise he wasn’t surprised at all. “Like many studies, the interpretation of the results regarding the act of sex are misleading. Please take note that not everyone in the study said that kissing was not involved in sexual arousal but only the majority. As I mentioned in the book, most men and women are not great at kissing and have not developed it as a sophisticated act of arousing their partners. That’s one reason why those surveyed in the study did not rate it high in sexual arousal. Most were not good kissers!”

“I hate to interrupt you, my friend, but if there are no good studies on the subject, how do you know that men and women are not good kissers?”

“From my personal experience and my survey. Most of my lady friends were not good kissers, and I had to take time with them and coach them to get it right. And, believe it or not, it worked most of the time which is very encouraging news for it’s a quick learn. Men and women should take note. Also, during my conversations with the ladies, when the subject came up- and it frequently did- most of them complained that men were not good kissers. Bad kissing up front is a big sexual downer. If I remember correctly, there was a Gallop Poll which reported that the majority of men and women are sexually turned off by bad up-front kisses which confirms my personal experiences.

“Lorenzo, as I explained in the book, a kiss is a very sophisticated act and is not isolated to lips on lips or tongues on tongues contact only. It must be harmonize with other physical and verbal acts. Before I forget, I’m talking about high level sex where the artful kiss is, without question, the essential bridge from prolonged foreplay to prolonged and high level copulation.”

“G, did I get you right? Did you say that it doesn’t take a great effort to teach somebody to kiss properly?”

“You’ve got it half right. I taught women- not men! I just don’t know about the latter. Lorenzo, I mentioned before in one of your interviews, someone who really knows about the art of love-making should start a school.”

“G, anything else before we call it a day?”

He paused and then laughed heartily. “I’m a little pissed off at myself. In one of your previous post you mention that the dynamic Italian poet lover, Gabriele D’Annunzio, ‘fondled eyelids with his tongue’ which drove the women crazy. That’s something I didn’t do and beg pardon from all my lady friends for this unforgiveable omission.”

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