There’s so much written about men and sex that’s not reliable so I decided to go directly to the horse’s mouth and asked G about his advice to men, as I did in a previous post on advice to women on how to be a good lover. (Periodically, I remind readers that he’s the guy I interviewed in my book, The Man Who Made Love to More Women than Casanova).
His initial response? Bursting out in laughter, he said, “It’s an extremely complicated question because there are so many variables. What do we mean by a lover? For a night? An occasional rendezvous? A single versus married person? Tired working parents with children? What age groups? What degree of horniness? And so on and so forth. But, as I said in the women post, I’m interested in high level sex, and this is what I’ll talk about. There’s nothing like it! ”
Then he emphasized what we discussed in the book. He claims that, generally speaking, both men and women are not good lovers. I asked him, “I appreciate your credentials about women but what do you base your opinion on about men?”
“Good question. During my personal experiences with hundreds of women many of them told me about their sexual experiences with men, oftentimes in detail. Maybe it’s different today, but I don’t think so. Basic instincts don’t change.”
“So, G, you must think that it’s a genetic factor, and it’s hopeless.”
G paused, and I could hear him puffing on his pipe. “Look, Lorenzo, to repeat, my sexual encounters were on a very high level with fairly high, top- of- the- line ladies. It usually involved dinner, drinks and engaging in enjoyable and stimulating conversation before we entered my suite. I did not book rooms for suites are much more effective in making a woman relax. If you’re not at home with your wife, I would strongly recommend this. Don’t ask me why. As I also mentioned in the book, the more beautiful, intelligent and attractive a woman, the more effort was required to bring her to climax. This usually means more suggestive talk, wine and sometimes other light stimulants, if you know what I mean.”
G suddenly stopped and said, “I can go on and on but I guess you want some simple guidelines. Right?”
He puffed away again and then said, “I want to repeat that there are lots of ways to have satisfying sexcapades, but here are a few of my personal basic guidelines for a man if, of course, he wants to become a good lover. I’m not sure many want to be because it takes lots of effort which can sometimes boomerang where the woman becomes disinterested or, as we say in the vernacular, ‘turned off.’ Let’s not forget that, if you think about it, it’s much, much easier for a woman to turn on a man than vice versa and, therefore, requires greater skill. Also, I hate to keep repeating myself, but there are all kinds of exceptions
“Anyway, before whoopee time you’ve got to talk to the woman about herself. I cannot stress this enough for it’s the door opener. Let me tell you it can be a beautiful experience. I didn’t have to develop this habit because it comes naturally to me. If it doesn’t come natural to you, make a conscious effort to learn about and enjoy your woman. The first step is, for God’s sake, don’t talk about yourself too much. I hardly ever did because, frankly speaking, I find talking about myself rather boring. Be a sincere listener. Yes, I know that the ‘thing’ today is for men and women to talk about themselves and exchange experiences. Sure, it can be nice, but a talented male lover doesn’t do that. For the record, I’ll just add that there are exceptions to every rule- and I mean that.
“When whoopee time arrives, concentrate entirely on the woman until she comes to climax. Forget about yourself for the initial phase of good lovemaking to a woman should largely be a selfless act. I don’t give a shit what anyone says. What I read today coupled with my growing experience with modern women tells me that they are under a hell of a lot more stress than men.
“Before I forget, the belief that the perfect mating scene should be when both lovers have orgasms at the same time is a beautiful and romantic concept but only reserved for a few. To achieve this takes a hell of a lot of concentration which detracts from the pleasure of love-making. But to repeat, if it works, go for it.
“It’s critical to understand, at least in my experience and what my lady friends told me, that women’s post-orgasm energy levels are substantially different between the sexes. A man’s energy is usually spent, and he just wants to relax while a woman’s energy levels remain in almost full force. If a woman realizes that a man-made an obvious selfless effort to make her happy, particularly if it was successful, she’ll, because of her female natural instincts of giving, go out of her way to return the favor by being genuinely selfless trying to please the man. That’s the beautiful nature of women.
“Lorenzo, before I go on, let me dictate this poem to add to your post. It was written way back in Sumerian days, our earliest civilization, by the goddess, Inanna. It deals with her sensual sexual encounter with the shepherd, Dumuzi. To arouse the guy it’s written that, ‘When she leaned back against the apple tree, her vulva was wondrous to behold.’”
‘He shaped my loins with his fair hands,
The shepherd Dumuzi filled my lap with cream and milk,
He stroked my pubic hair,
He watered my womb.
He laid his hands on my vulva.
He caressed me on the bed.”
“Bridegroom, let me caress you,
My precious caress is more savory than honey,
Let us enjoy your godly beauty,
Lion, let me caress you,
My precious caress is more savory than honey.’
“This may be the earliest document which confirms my belief that a woman’s pleasure should be first and a man’s second!
“ Back to my advice: Always start out slowly- and I mean slowly- even if she’s in a hurry. Lorenzo, you’ll notice in my interviews I always emphasize that based on my experience it’s the best way to maximize the brief ecstatic, pleasures of orgasms. Most of my lady friends told me that men move too quickly in love-making. Plato called the erection phase a state of ‘Divine madness’ so I understand the hurry. But a man must discipline himself. I almost always kept my activity at a measured, slow pace until pre-climax time. Now here’s the greater challenge and more difficult: In my experience, fantasy talk is really the key factor which can change a routine orgasm into a humongous one. Sex begins and ends in the brain and not the genitals. Remember the BGL (LINK TO BGL SUMMARY)? But, as I said many times before, the problem is that very few men and women are good at fantasy talk. A not too complicated way to handle this is just to coax the woman, be it in a command or in an encouraging tone of voice, to imagine the fantasy that turns her on the most. In my experience their fantasies are frequently related to some form of domination or betrayal and other out- of -control events. You don’t have to wait until disrobing time to get a good hint. Many times I found out during relaxed, dinner time discussions. An example with a married woman would be her fantasizing about her being in the married couple’s bed alone with her husband’s best friend. An example with a single woman would be to ask her what woman she most sexually attracted to and would like to be with her alone or with her boyfriend. There are many other type fantasies, which, to repeat, you may discover during dinner or drinks. If you elicit favorable initial responses, keep probing with other questions. Of course, the woman may not respond at all, so just back off and play it by ear.
“But, as I said in my previous posts to potential women lovers, a man better be sincere about this or be a superb con artist for if a woman detects that-and they are superb at this and much better than men- you’re faking it, her hormone level will immediately- and I mean immediately-shut down, and the party is over for the night, no matter what a man does. Sure she might go on but will want to get out of the sack in a hurry by faking orgasms. A number of my lady friends told me that happened with them.”
“G, this may be an embarrassing question but did this ever happen to you?”
“You bet. It happened only once, and I’ll never forget it. I haven’t the slightest idea why it happened, but I blamed it on myself.”
“How did you know for sure that it happened?”
“Just take my word for it.
“That’s about it, Lorenzo.”
“One more question. How many times will it take a man to acquire these lover skills?”
G didn’t hesitate. “If his heart is in it, and if he has at least a modicum of the natural basic instincts and he works at it, and above all, enjoys the woman he’s with, I would say about three. The same holds true if he’s a superb con artist. But as with female con artists, it isn’t the same unless your objective is to please a woman for other reasons than sexual pleasure. And such reasons exist.”
“G, any final advice to men?”
“You bet! Now I want to re-emphasize I’m talking about high level sexual encounters. Most are not that way. My advice is the same for both men and women but usually at different times during the sex act. At the right time take Casanova’s advice.”
“And what’s that, G?”
“Be the flame and not the moth!”